Mummy and daddy were both skiving off work until NEXT YEAR!!!! I have no idea how we're going to manage all that time but I suppose they know what they're doing. There was no early morning grandad call as he has nanna at home because she's off work until next year too. The country is going to pot. Because nanna is at home, grandad has his work cut out even more than when I'm with him. He says I'm much easier to manage. We did pop over to see them just before dinner time and I think this is down to mummy and daddy having all that time off work so we're saving our food by eating theirs. I think this is ok because I know for a fact that nanna has been shopping 54 times this week already.
I popped up with grandad to see a lady and he gave her a bag full of stuff which I assume is food to help them through the terrible weather. I don't think she works at all so grandad must be helping out. He should run one of those charity things and put an advert on the telly. He could use Millie with a sad face to help tug at people's hearty strings. There is a picture of me crying on the funny bouncy ball thing at the Lookout place that he could use for a small fee and a constant supply of fresh molk.
Nanna asked grandad to put some more stuff in the freezer and I have no idea how he can do it. The freezer in the garage is bulging at the seams as it is but with some precision re-packaging, he came back with the smiley face of a man with a mission accomplished. He could get a job on the Tokyo underground where they cram all those people into those train carriages. They're packed in so tight, it surprises me not-a-jot that they have eyes like that.
Later in the afternoon I put on some big boy pants. Still like nappies but with lastik bits to make them easy to get off when I need 1's or 2's. Tallywhacker secured and in popped Auntie Ali and Auntie Bev. I think they know nanna quite well, maybe they went to school together or something but the way they kept laughing would hint at a previous high intake of alcoholic beverages. We all had tea together apart from grandad as he had to go to work, we had lovely potatoes with their coats on and some spicy stuff or fishy things. Grandad says Ali and Bev are going to get into BIG trouble if they eat those special cakes of his!!!!
Apparently, in a couple of days, it's some geezers birthday who lived several years ago and everyone in the country is having a party. He must've been pretty popular as everyone seems to know him. Grandad says we eat lots of food then wish we hadn't but to be honest, I don't think there's any food I eat that I wish I hadn't. I reckon it's because he has to watch his weight but I strongly believe he's not watching it good enough. I'm coming back to grandad's on Wednesday for some more so that'll be fun.
As it's the birthday Christmas celebrations, I have to mention my fellow cousins one-twice-three times removed from the other family members so here goes (and God help grandad if I've forgotten anyone!!!!):
Wiltshire Branch:
Shona
Kane
Cody
Gloucester Branch:
Dylan
Rosie
Hertfordshire Branch:
Olivia
Maisie
St Prex*, Geneva (Our international chapter - branching out into Europe and beyond):
Lyra
Myles
*Grandad says I shouldn't try to say this word yet until my English is a little better - which is quite a statement as it's a French word!!! When I'm older, I'm going to school in town where they will teach English as a second language by then.
Currently there are two new arrivals waiting to enter the Departure Lounge early next year and no doubt a couple more awaiting the winners of future tadpole races.
That's it, I'm currently home in bed and writing this under my bed covers with my Thomas the Tank torch perched on top of my head so I can see. Grandad said it'll give me square eyes but I'll take that over the Tokyo ones. Have a great Christmas and New Year (I must say I like the old one), if I've missed anyone please tell grandad before nanna finds out because she'll go narnas at him!!!
Dogg
Monday, 23 December 2013
Tuesday, 17 December 2013
Yesterday, on our walk, I've come to the conclusion that its silly season. Everywhere we went there seemed to be an old man dressed all in red with big black boots and a big red hat to top it off. I can't remember too much but I think it happened last year as well. I was too young to know what was going on last year but after a very good year of learning and ducking and diving, I'm afraid I'm still none the wiser. I need to find out what's going on but for now, I'm happy to sit still whilst grandad took me on our walk.
Now this should've been a normal walk but every corner we turned, grandad found somebody to talk to: the lady from the bakehouse, the driver man from the bakehouse, the postman, two ladies with poncy looking dogs which were shaved so much I could see their bums, a man from the garage, the tanned man from the old corner shop. Everywhere there was someone to halt us in our mission to exercise Millie. At one point we were there for ages and I mean ages. I sat there patiently watching the cars and buses go past, I saw some men go past one way and then return, in what seemed like several days later, sporting full beards. I strummed on my buggy safety buckle to the tune of "Incey Wincey Spider" but still I waited, I twiddled my thumbs so much that I think they are now shorter than they were on Sunday. I looked around assuming grandad had wandered off and left me and Millie when, with a sudden burst of speed, the buggy wheels sprung forward as we made our way home. Grandad said that he was desperate for a wee and I thought that it served him right for talking so long to complete strangers.
We came back at a speed that made my eyes water and Millie's feet steam until we got to the front door, a white van man asked grandad if he could leave a parcel at his house for the neighbours. Grandad needed to take a wee even more now but got talking to the van man even though he didn't want to. If he wore one of my nappies he could quite merrily chat away whilst piddling to his hearts content and nobody would notice (unless he does that little shiver thing that babies do). Once the idle chat was complete, grandad raced us all in and shot upstairs. Any longer and he would've burst the banks and he would've resembled a fireman's hose when dropped (the action rather than the dimensions I hasten to add).
Once we settled down, I went to the kitchen and got the big jug out of the cupboard and the big milk from the fridge. It was so heavy I had to drag it. Then I got the rice krispies and took them to grandad.
"Are you hungry, Wee Man?" he said as he put the rice krispies back in the cupboard.
With the items I'd collected, it was pretty safe to say that my belly was in need of fulfilment. I pulled the chair up to the worktop as I normally do but this week, I made sure I was safely positioned so as not to repeat last weeks flying lessons.
"Egg, egg" I said to my apprentice chef as we prepared for one of our favourite homlettes. Grandad cut up some tommy toes, ham, cheese and some other funny stuff. Whilst he sorted the cooker out, I kept taking bits of cheese and ham and he'll never know until he reads this. Then he done the usual egg thing that I showed him last week. He cooked it so much that there was fog in the kitchen and the bottom of the homlette was that sunburn colour. He folded it up and popped it on his plate, then cut some off for me. It was really good, I love it and I even managed to pass some to Millie when grandad wasn't looking. Millie loves me even more when its dinner time but I don't know why.
To both my surprise and delight, Mummy came to get me just after the kitchen fog cleared and after a cuppa, we made our way home. Think I'm still at grandad's next week when some bloke is coming to visit next Tuesday night. Grandad has to do some painting or something in time for the man's visit so we'll see how he gets on.
Until next week, my faithful followingers
Dogg
Now this should've been a normal walk but every corner we turned, grandad found somebody to talk to: the lady from the bakehouse, the driver man from the bakehouse, the postman, two ladies with poncy looking dogs which were shaved so much I could see their bums, a man from the garage, the tanned man from the old corner shop. Everywhere there was someone to halt us in our mission to exercise Millie. At one point we were there for ages and I mean ages. I sat there patiently watching the cars and buses go past, I saw some men go past one way and then return, in what seemed like several days later, sporting full beards. I strummed on my buggy safety buckle to the tune of "Incey Wincey Spider" but still I waited, I twiddled my thumbs so much that I think they are now shorter than they were on Sunday. I looked around assuming grandad had wandered off and left me and Millie when, with a sudden burst of speed, the buggy wheels sprung forward as we made our way home. Grandad said that he was desperate for a wee and I thought that it served him right for talking so long to complete strangers.
We came back at a speed that made my eyes water and Millie's feet steam until we got to the front door, a white van man asked grandad if he could leave a parcel at his house for the neighbours. Grandad needed to take a wee even more now but got talking to the van man even though he didn't want to. If he wore one of my nappies he could quite merrily chat away whilst piddling to his hearts content and nobody would notice (unless he does that little shiver thing that babies do). Once the idle chat was complete, grandad raced us all in and shot upstairs. Any longer and he would've burst the banks and he would've resembled a fireman's hose when dropped (the action rather than the dimensions I hasten to add).
Once we settled down, I went to the kitchen and got the big jug out of the cupboard and the big milk from the fridge. It was so heavy I had to drag it. Then I got the rice krispies and took them to grandad.
"Are you hungry, Wee Man?" he said as he put the rice krispies back in the cupboard.
With the items I'd collected, it was pretty safe to say that my belly was in need of fulfilment. I pulled the chair up to the worktop as I normally do but this week, I made sure I was safely positioned so as not to repeat last weeks flying lessons.
"Egg, egg" I said to my apprentice chef as we prepared for one of our favourite homlettes. Grandad cut up some tommy toes, ham, cheese and some other funny stuff. Whilst he sorted the cooker out, I kept taking bits of cheese and ham and he'll never know until he reads this. Then he done the usual egg thing that I showed him last week. He cooked it so much that there was fog in the kitchen and the bottom of the homlette was that sunburn colour. He folded it up and popped it on his plate, then cut some off for me. It was really good, I love it and I even managed to pass some to Millie when grandad wasn't looking. Millie loves me even more when its dinner time but I don't know why.
To both my surprise and delight, Mummy came to get me just after the kitchen fog cleared and after a cuppa, we made our way home. Think I'm still at grandad's next week when some bloke is coming to visit next Tuesday night. Grandad has to do some painting or something in time for the man's visit so we'll see how he gets on.
Until next week, my faithful followingers
Dogg
Wednesday, 11 December 2013
Today I am back in full time employment at grandad's and after enjoying some cooking practice, I am finally a qualified chookyegg cookerer. Grandad was brave enough to let me do breakfast for me and Millie but not brave enough to have some himself.
He gave me a blue chookyegg and even let me break it in the jug. That bit was easy!! Then he asked me to mix it up with the fork. I'm now really good at this and can even do it like the man on the telly by tilting the jug for the camera to see what I was 'eggspurtly' doing (lol, did you see my little joke?!). We added a little molk and some stuff that looked like cheese but grandad said it was butter (think he means 'better'). More mixing and then grandad put the jug in the little noisy oven on the side, he pressed a button and when it went BING, it was done. We put some on my plate and some in Millie's bowl, he then gave me my poon and that was it. You can call me Dogg Ramsay, actually I've just had a billion-dollar thought - Dogg's Dinner!! There you go, my new business venture.
This time next year I'm going to be a billionaire like DelBoy.
So, breakfast done, plates washed up and put away and after the long hours in the kitchen, a wee nap was in order so off I popped for a few winks. When I got up grandad gave me a paper Christmas tree and some crayons. I done some squiggles on it and they looked like the decorations we have on our tree at home - grandad hasn't got a tree so I may have to colour another one next week and put it by the telly for him. He then gave me the sticky glue thing and I put it on the tree, the table, the chairs, my face, grandad's face, Mille's face. Then he gave me a little pot with little silver hundreds and thousands in it and he said it was called litter. He told me to get a little pinch and sprinkle then on the glue so I got a little handful and threw it at the glue. It went everywhere - on the tree, the table, the chairs, my face, grandad's face, Mille's face and that was it. One Christmas card made with my very own hands for mummy and daddy. I am soooooooo clever, I should be a professor.
For our daily walk, we went back into town and it was packed with people doing shopping for Christmas. There were people everywhere and some looked jolly but some looked grumpy. We went past the butchers in the smelly alley and he had lots of big chickens in the window. I've never seen chickens that big before. Grandad usually finds me some for dinner in a little bag. The best shop was a big chocolate shop which mummy would like, mummy would like a lot. Father Christmas had already been to this shop because there were lots of presents in the window although maybe these were presents he had to pick up to deliver. Lots of people were smiling at me and grandad - grandad mostly and more of a laugh than a smile, they seemed really happy to see him. When we started back to the car, Millie decided it was time to drop her Yuletide log in smelly alley which is the reason they call it what they do.
After dinner I did some more drawing in my drawing book - tractors and bikes where the favourite today. Then I tried some bungee jumping without the bungee. I was standing on the two chairs at the table like I always do and then I jumped between the two - and missed. I fell what seemed like 200ft to the floor. Grandad rubbed my head better then I got back up and fell off again!! Sod that for a game of soldiers, not doing that again for a while.
In the evening I donned my Chef's hat again and helped grandad with the tea for nanna, mummy and daddy. Not the big chicken in the shops but the little bag one. I don't think he trusted me with the tea because he wouldn't let me touch the chicken but I sprinkled some more stuff on it and tied it in a bag to stop it running away. Grandad washed his hands and saw himself in the window. It was then he realised why the people in town were smiling at him so much - he still had the Christmas card litter on his face!!!
Another week done, cookery lessons complete and bookings now being taken for the festive period.
Until next week, hasta la vista
Dogg's Dinner Ltd
He gave me a blue chookyegg and even let me break it in the jug. That bit was easy!! Then he asked me to mix it up with the fork. I'm now really good at this and can even do it like the man on the telly by tilting the jug for the camera to see what I was 'eggspurtly' doing (lol, did you see my little joke?!). We added a little molk and some stuff that looked like cheese but grandad said it was butter (think he means 'better'). More mixing and then grandad put the jug in the little noisy oven on the side, he pressed a button and when it went BING, it was done. We put some on my plate and some in Millie's bowl, he then gave me my poon and that was it. You can call me Dogg Ramsay, actually I've just had a billion-dollar thought - Dogg's Dinner!! There you go, my new business venture.
This time next year I'm going to be a billionaire like DelBoy.
So, breakfast done, plates washed up and put away and after the long hours in the kitchen, a wee nap was in order so off I popped for a few winks. When I got up grandad gave me a paper Christmas tree and some crayons. I done some squiggles on it and they looked like the decorations we have on our tree at home - grandad hasn't got a tree so I may have to colour another one next week and put it by the telly for him. He then gave me the sticky glue thing and I put it on the tree, the table, the chairs, my face, grandad's face, Mille's face. Then he gave me a little pot with little silver hundreds and thousands in it and he said it was called litter. He told me to get a little pinch and sprinkle then on the glue so I got a little handful and threw it at the glue. It went everywhere - on the tree, the table, the chairs, my face, grandad's face, Mille's face and that was it. One Christmas card made with my very own hands for mummy and daddy. I am soooooooo clever, I should be a professor.
For our daily walk, we went back into town and it was packed with people doing shopping for Christmas. There were people everywhere and some looked jolly but some looked grumpy. We went past the butchers in the smelly alley and he had lots of big chickens in the window. I've never seen chickens that big before. Grandad usually finds me some for dinner in a little bag. The best shop was a big chocolate shop which mummy would like, mummy would like a lot. Father Christmas had already been to this shop because there were lots of presents in the window although maybe these were presents he had to pick up to deliver. Lots of people were smiling at me and grandad - grandad mostly and more of a laugh than a smile, they seemed really happy to see him. When we started back to the car, Millie decided it was time to drop her Yuletide log in smelly alley which is the reason they call it what they do.
After dinner I did some more drawing in my drawing book - tractors and bikes where the favourite today. Then I tried some bungee jumping without the bungee. I was standing on the two chairs at the table like I always do and then I jumped between the two - and missed. I fell what seemed like 200ft to the floor. Grandad rubbed my head better then I got back up and fell off again!! Sod that for a game of soldiers, not doing that again for a while.
In the evening I donned my Chef's hat again and helped grandad with the tea for nanna, mummy and daddy. Not the big chicken in the shops but the little bag one. I don't think he trusted me with the tea because he wouldn't let me touch the chicken but I sprinkled some more stuff on it and tied it in a bag to stop it running away. Grandad washed his hands and saw himself in the window. It was then he realised why the people in town were smiling at him so much - he still had the Christmas card litter on his face!!!
Another week done, cookery lessons complete and bookings now being taken for the festive period.
Until next week, hasta la vista
Dogg's Dinner Ltd
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
Well, once again today it appears I've had a reprieve for good behaviour and I'm at home with daddy so no biggy blog today. However, there were a couple of points from last week and over the weekend that have left me concerned and it's best that I share them with you to get them off my tiny chest.
Apparently there was a massive meteor heading towards the sun last week. On the news a professor-type gadgy gave a report on the situation. Now I have to say this fella sounded dull, like really DULL. He said that a huge chunk of this meteor, about a mile wide had survived the gravitational pull of the sun and also the extreme heat. I assume that as it's nearly winter, the sun would be colder now anyway but the point is: what use to any of us is this story? Who listens to this rubbish? As far as I'm aware, Thomas Cook haven't produced any holiday brochures indicating this will be a future holiday destination and to this end, I'm sure mummy and daddy aren't planning a visit there just yet so I fail to see the point.
My next concern is a worry too. Me and grandad are planning to write to High TV to complain to the advert man. Whilst sitting having our breakfast last week, we had to endure the following advert:
"Do you have an itch?" said the telly.
Me and grandad exchanged a quick glance and a short, sharp shake of ours heads confirmed we hadn't got an itch between us.
"Can't really scratch it in public, can you?" continued the telly.
"Why not?" I wanted to say but obviously couldn't.
"Embarrassing isn't it?" the telly piped up once more.
"Why the hell would an itch be embarrassing?" said grandad, trying to include me in the conversation. "We can scratch anything without anyone noticing, can't we Dogg?" he said, looking at me.
"Yes we can, grandad" I said with a wink in my eye and with a spoon fully laden with Rice Krispies, I continued my breakfast.
"You need Vagisil!" said the telly.
Grandad dropped both his toast and his jaw, spilt his tea in his lap then coughed and spluttered a little as he got up from his chair and walked into the other room.
"WTF?......" he said (I'm not really sure what that means but it sounded grumpy), "........it's 8.20 on a Monday morning and we're listening to adverts about itchy bits".
I have absolutely no idea what all that means but it seemed to put grandad off his toast so we're going to complain to High TV because Vagisil was not on our breakfast menu.
My next predicament comes with the hygiene in our house. Mummy and daddy keep our house very clean - well, mummy does - but something has gone terribly wrong. We now have a tree growing in the telly room. Not a little twiggy branch that nanna has at this time of year but a fully grown tree and I've no idea where it came from, why it's there or why mummy hasn't gone ballistic about it. It stands in the corner taking up a lot of room with balls hanging just above the floor - actually a bit like grandad.
The weekend saw daddy and Uncle Stevie go back to 'Uddersfield for a couple of days. I think they forgot something from last week so had to go back to get it from Uncle Alex. Not sure why it took all weekend as I done the same trip in a day AND had time to draw some pictures - lightweights! Nanna has finished her swimming course and seemed to be a lot happier this Sunday than what she was last Sunday. Grandad said it was hard work but she got through in the end with flying colours. Grandad thought he was getting some peace and quiet and took some time off work to give nanna some moral support but after the first Sunday, I think he was more likely to give her a bosh on the napper. Still the job was done and more importantly, it was successfully passed - well done, nanna.
One more thing: why do many drivers insist on driving with their front fog lights on when the day/night is clear? They make little improved visibility in the fog so are totally redundant in normal conditions. Oh and on the subject of cars, those smelly trees you can get. The ones like Ocean Fresh, Natural Forest Pine, New Car Fragrence, you know the sort. Well all these pale in comparison to the bag of smelly stuff that grandad attaches to my buggy when we're out on our stroll. He only seems to gets them when Millie is with us but he will insist on holding it in one hand as he merrily walks behind me. The bag, if available for public purchase, would be called something like Fruit รก la Dog but to my limited knowledge would fail to make Halfords top 10 best sellers. It happily swings to and fro about a foot away from my little head and it's pungent smells would require me to open a window if I had one! Grandad says it does have its uses in winter as he - wait for it - puts it in his pocket to keep his hands warm!!!! I am at liberty to ask what chance have I got??
And so we get back to today, mummy told grandad that I was 'testing' but I can't remember testing anything. As far as I know, everything is all hunky dory and working ok so no need to test anything. I know grandad missed me because he needs the hours with me to stop him going barmy although, alas it may be too late for that!!! Never mind grandad, we can get back to normal next week.
Catch you later
Dogg
Apparently there was a massive meteor heading towards the sun last week. On the news a professor-type gadgy gave a report on the situation. Now I have to say this fella sounded dull, like really DULL. He said that a huge chunk of this meteor, about a mile wide had survived the gravitational pull of the sun and also the extreme heat. I assume that as it's nearly winter, the sun would be colder now anyway but the point is: what use to any of us is this story? Who listens to this rubbish? As far as I'm aware, Thomas Cook haven't produced any holiday brochures indicating this will be a future holiday destination and to this end, I'm sure mummy and daddy aren't planning a visit there just yet so I fail to see the point.
My next concern is a worry too. Me and grandad are planning to write to High TV to complain to the advert man. Whilst sitting having our breakfast last week, we had to endure the following advert:
"Do you have an itch?" said the telly.
Me and grandad exchanged a quick glance and a short, sharp shake of ours heads confirmed we hadn't got an itch between us.
"Can't really scratch it in public, can you?" continued the telly.
"Why not?" I wanted to say but obviously couldn't.
"Embarrassing isn't it?" the telly piped up once more.
"Why the hell would an itch be embarrassing?" said grandad, trying to include me in the conversation. "We can scratch anything without anyone noticing, can't we Dogg?" he said, looking at me.
"Yes we can, grandad" I said with a wink in my eye and with a spoon fully laden with Rice Krispies, I continued my breakfast.
"You need Vagisil!" said the telly.
Grandad dropped both his toast and his jaw, spilt his tea in his lap then coughed and spluttered a little as he got up from his chair and walked into the other room.
"WTF?......" he said (I'm not really sure what that means but it sounded grumpy), "........it's 8.20 on a Monday morning and we're listening to adverts about itchy bits".
I have absolutely no idea what all that means but it seemed to put grandad off his toast so we're going to complain to High TV because Vagisil was not on our breakfast menu.
My next predicament comes with the hygiene in our house. Mummy and daddy keep our house very clean - well, mummy does - but something has gone terribly wrong. We now have a tree growing in the telly room. Not a little twiggy branch that nanna has at this time of year but a fully grown tree and I've no idea where it came from, why it's there or why mummy hasn't gone ballistic about it. It stands in the corner taking up a lot of room with balls hanging just above the floor - actually a bit like grandad.
The weekend saw daddy and Uncle Stevie go back to 'Uddersfield for a couple of days. I think they forgot something from last week so had to go back to get it from Uncle Alex. Not sure why it took all weekend as I done the same trip in a day AND had time to draw some pictures - lightweights! Nanna has finished her swimming course and seemed to be a lot happier this Sunday than what she was last Sunday. Grandad said it was hard work but she got through in the end with flying colours. Grandad thought he was getting some peace and quiet and took some time off work to give nanna some moral support but after the first Sunday, I think he was more likely to give her a bosh on the napper. Still the job was done and more importantly, it was successfully passed - well done, nanna.
One more thing: why do many drivers insist on driving with their front fog lights on when the day/night is clear? They make little improved visibility in the fog so are totally redundant in normal conditions. Oh and on the subject of cars, those smelly trees you can get. The ones like Ocean Fresh, Natural Forest Pine, New Car Fragrence, you know the sort. Well all these pale in comparison to the bag of smelly stuff that grandad attaches to my buggy when we're out on our stroll. He only seems to gets them when Millie is with us but he will insist on holding it in one hand as he merrily walks behind me. The bag, if available for public purchase, would be called something like Fruit รก la Dog but to my limited knowledge would fail to make Halfords top 10 best sellers. It happily swings to and fro about a foot away from my little head and it's pungent smells would require me to open a window if I had one! Grandad says it does have its uses in winter as he - wait for it - puts it in his pocket to keep his hands warm!!!! I am at liberty to ask what chance have I got??
And so we get back to today, mummy told grandad that I was 'testing' but I can't remember testing anything. As far as I know, everything is all hunky dory and working ok so no need to test anything. I know grandad missed me because he needs the hours with me to stop him going barmy although, alas it may be too late for that!!! Never mind grandad, we can get back to normal next week.
Catch you later
Dogg
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