That's it then, I've now finished the first part of my basic cookery course and have to prepare myself for an exam next week. Not sure what the theme is but granddad told me that next week is 'all my own work' apart from the bits that may cut my fingers off.

I made a simple pizza today, well actually I made THREE pizza's today - one for me, one for nanna and a bigger one for mummy and daddy to share. It was quite a juggly act because they all like different things or to be precise, they all don't like different things: daddy doesn't like much rooms, mummy isn't keen on Tommy's toes and nanna doesn't eat meat from animals. So here we go with the greedy ants: talcum powder for the base, juice from tomatoes, slicey up tomatoes, much rooms, 'am, three hundred different cheeses and some water.

Granddad had to mix the talc and the water because it was a guey mess and stuck like pooh to a nappy - it was real yuk!! We put some flowers on the worktop so it wouldn't stick but that was a waste of time. After about two hours, it was finally sort of ready to squash so granddad gave me a big wooden stick and we bashed the gunk until it was nice and flat then we broke it up into three pieces and squashed it some more. Granddad then gave me some juice from some Italian tomatoes in a jar and let me splash it on the bottom stuff. This was a fun bit because I was allowed to bash the poon on the juice and it went everywhere - over the floor, over the fridge and even over Millie. Millie is now a Greater Red Spotted Westie!! Sorry Millie but it'll wash out one day.

We added the bits of toppings to the appropriate pizza with the precision of an exorcet missile and then popped them all in the oven until two episodes of Peppa Pigg and half of Ben and Holly had been on and then they were ready. THEY WERE SCRUMPTIOUS!!!!!!!!

I made a curry thing for daddy and warmed up some fishes for me and mummy to eat when we got home. We had some expertly cooked rice to go with both dinners. This was measured and flavoured to perfection and then put in a bag for us to warm up ourselves later.

Hearlier we went for our usual walk into town and it was quite a pleasant stroll. We saw the men working on the buildy site with the big diggers and the massive cranes which go right up to the moon. We crossed the road in front of a policeman in his car and he just laughed at us. I hope he wasn't going to a mergency somewhere. I haven't noticed the little man who walks with a limp and I'm sure he's fell in a puddle somewhere in town. The lady with not many clothes on hasn't made an appearance either although we did see her twin sister in a woolly coat and a big 'at.  

Mummy has been at home this week as she has been told to have a few days off as she's feeling a bit crook. When I got home, Poppa Mole was there and I helped him fix some things for mummy and daddy. I'm good with those screwy driver things and I'm sure I'm a massive help to everyone.

Granddad said that next week is going to be a busy day for us as I have my cooky exam as soon as I get there when we make something special and if there's time after my exam, we are going up to see the airplanes if the weather is ok. I assume they don't fly if its raining so they don't get wet.

That's it really, nothing much today but it's probably just the calm before the storm. Next week our antics should be available for all to see - if granddad can suss out the technology!!

Trust me, next week is going to be BIG. Watch this space!!

Catch you later
Dogg

The death of mummy's phone the previous evening after very non-productive swimming lesson meant we had a evening of mourning with the moist phone being laid to rest in a bag of rice. Not sure why but I assume its part of some bizarre phone burial ritual that has been passed down from iPhone to iPhone over the centuries.

This morning however, 'Praise The Lord' a Phoenix has risen from the ashes and mummy's electronic companion breathed life again after she tried once more to switch it on. After the half eaten apple sign disappeared, a series of bleeps indicated the phone was once again online (as they say these days).

"Eureka!!!" Mummy shouted as she danced across the floor waving her phone at me.

"It's working again" she said. She was so happy and she told grandad of her joy and why her very expensive phone cover had saved the day!

Now what I want to know is this - it seems that this is a well known fact: rice dries things like sunken phones when the they are left in a bag of rice for a while. Brilliant I think but why don't they make nappies out of rice? I'd be dry all day and I could change my nappy once a week like grandad does. After that, we could boil it and have it with our dinner as normal - two jobs in one I'm thinking. The extra taste wouldn't really be noticed so go for it. I'm on the phone to Tesco later to start the ball rolling with 'Wee Man's Wee Rice'.

Today we visited a shop with animals in it. Nanna and grandad took me just outside town then rudely woke me from my pleasant slumber when we got to the shop. I had my wellies on so I could play in the puddles (not with grandad's phone though!). We saw some pretty birds in a cage then went to see an Howl that was normous. It's the biggest bird I've ever seen apart from the one on X Factor a while back. It could turn his head right around without moving his body. I think nanna can do this when she sees me doing something I shouldn't be doing when she says "I can see you" and she's not even in the same room!!

We then saw some snakes, one kept poking his tongue out at me so I poked mine back at him (or her - how do you tell?). A big lizard looked at Millie, Millie looked at the big lizard then the big lizard stood up and walked around so Millie stood up and walked behind grandad. We saw some little fishes with lights in them and some real ugly ones too. Then nanna took me upstairs and there were some parrots and grandad said something like one had a cock or two which I thought was very clever but equally pointless. There were some puppies in there and they were lovely, a little brown one wanted to come home with me but Millie said no. I have my Millie so can't take in anymore.

After a little snooze and a little sarnie, I was once again on cooking duties as our plan today was to make some little cakes with chocolate bits in them. We stirred in some butter and sugar then added a couple of eggs. We added some flowers which was both fun and messy - like really messy!! Then I had to put some chocolate pieces in so I evenly counted them out 'One for the cakes, four for Dogg' until they were all gone - which wasn't actually that long. After a really hard stir, I put the soggy stuff in those little paper bowls we done the Rice Krispie cakes in and nanna put them in the hot oven. After several hours they were cooked and nanna gave me one. I must admit they tasted better with the paper off, so I put the rest in a tin for mummy and daddy. I saved one for grandad but nanna said he didn't want it which I thought was a nice gesture of hers to answer for him because I think he has trouble saying no to cakes.

Just before three, grandad got ready for work then took me back in the big car. I felt like a princess as I waved to the people on the way back.

That's it for this week at grandad's. I'm off to nanny Jan's tomorrow then back here on Monday when grandad will be short-staffed again.

Catch you all laters, mashed taters!!!
DOGG

On occasion, I've been known to hide from grandad in Millie's bed and it's that small practice that serves me well today. You see, I'm in the doghouse already. I had a lovely bath last night before I went to beddy-byes, splashed around in the bathy bubbles, played with my bath-friendly ducks and toys which are really waterproof and also with mummy's phone which apparently isn't. I think I can safely say that, although she loves me, she wasn't best pleased because her sense of humour seemed to evaporate like water in the desert. I could be having my bath with the old chap tonight!! So here I am, punished for the day with my second spell of the week at grandad's.

Cookery lesson today was breakfast and lots of it. We done our usual tricks with the eggs although today they were going to be scrambled. Grandad let me cut up some much rooms on the choppy board with my plastic knife and I must say, I great job I did of them too. Grandad cooked some bread in the silver thing and then let me butter it and we then chucked the egg and much rooms on top. Scrummy!!

We then got dinner ready for the evening: nanna cooked the shepherds, grandad peeled the tatoes and I cut them into Dogg sized chunks for mashy up pie topping. We chopped some carrots with the precision of a blind man using a pitch fork and lobbed them into the pot. Nanna warmed it all up then left it on the side ready for the evening.

With all the plates washed up, dried up and left on the side we got ready for my bestest adventure of the day. Nanna and grandad are taking me and Millie on a train - a real one. I was running around like my bum was on fire with excitement, so you can imagine my disappointment when we got in the car! Nanna said we had to drive to the railway station as the trains don't stop in grandad's road. When I'm Prime Minister, I'll get that sorted for you grandad!!! We parked in a different car park than we normally do and got in a lift to go down to the station. There was a certain fragrence coming from the lift, one that smells similar to my damp nappy. Grandad said that the lift doubles as a toilet at night time which I thought was a very good public service provided by our local council, who are obviously thinking of ways to help save some pennies.

Grandad went to the lady in the goldfish bowl and got us some tickets. Me and Millie didn't have to pay because we're famous but the lady gave me my own special ticket which had no writing in it. This meant I could go anywhere in the whole world that I chose to. After several minutes of intensive thought, I decided it'll be best I went with nanna and grandad so we walked to the train platform. The train was late, apparently quite common in this country. When it came along I was so excited, I nearly needed another nappy. It was massive and really noisy. The doors opened like on Star Trek and we jumped in. Me and nanna sat in a real comfy chair opposite a man who we didn't know. Grandad and Millie stood by the door, planning an early escape. We went passed lots of houses that all had lakes in the garden which I thought was quite strange as there were lots of lakes outside their gardens too. It would've been better if they'd planted flowers and grass in theirs but everyone to their own I suppose.

We stopped in a village where Nanny Vi lives and started to walk towards her house. After what seemed like three hours, I thought to myself 'Blow this for a game of soldiers, I want a carry' and my ever faithful grandad duly obliged. I ran in to see Nanny Vi and chased Millie around with her ball and a pink biscuit. They all had a cup of tea whilst me and Millie ate our lunch. After a long chat, we left Nanny Vi's and ran at 200mph because grandad said we had to catch the next train. I was really puffed out when we got to the station and slightly less than happy to find out the train was going to be another 10 minutes. My grandad has a habit of this type of time keeping and it's not big and it's not clever!!!! The train took sooooo long that when it finally arrived, even I needed a shave but it was a brilliant trip and as soon as we'd got in the car, I fell asleep for ages.

Mummy came home whilst I was watching Peppa Pig and by funny coincidence Mummy Pig said to Daddy Pig (who was on a boat with Peppa and George) "Don't drop your phone in the water, Daddy Pig".

"I won't" said Daddy Pig

SPLOOOOOSSSHHHHH!!!!

My day ended as it started.

I played with a Uncle Ryan for a while before having a few nibbles of my tea but wasn't too hungry tonight. Today was no punishment, today was brilliant fun with heaps of giggles.

Back again tomorrow,
Hasta la vista

DOGG

We have a discrepancy (as mummy calls them). Somebody, I know not whom, has allegedly (we have to say that in case someone sues us for all the chocolate we have!) mentioned that we only cook eggs at our establishment. To that point, today nanna and grandad let me cook some Rice Krispie cakes for me, mummy and Millie.

Grandad asked me to put a few Rice Krispies (am I allowed to say Rice Krispies or is that an advertising thingybob?) in a big bowl. Now I thought that because the bowl was so big, a few Rice Krispies looked a little lost so I added the whole box until they overflowed onto the floor. That was ok because Millie is like a four-legged Dyson (more advertising) and she can whoosh up any spilled goodies with considerable ease.

Nanna melted some chocolate from Sainsburys (seeing as we're on an advertising campaign, we better not leave anyone out) in another big bowl over some hot water. This seemed a little stupid as it made it all gouey and yuk but it made it easier to mix in the Rice Krispies. Nanna poured in the chocolate and let me mix it all up. She them put some little paper bowls down for me to put the mixy stuff in. I was really good at this for most of the time, there was a little moment when I rested the poon on the edge of the bowl and it flicked all over the worktop, grandad and the floor but our trusty hoover cleaner mopped up accordingly. Whenever I have food, Millie is my bestest friend. We wasn't allowed to put the chocolate cakes in the oven but put them in the fridge to cook. This seems a silly way of doing things but it seems a lot safer too.

It was walking time and off we went to town to pay some money into Ryan's bank. Nanna told grandad we should park in the town centre car park where grandad forgets to pay but he said we would be fine in the freebie one. Nanna said it wasn't fair for me to walk too far even though we do it most weeks. She thinks I'm a lightweight. I think grandad is a lightweight because he had to do as he was told and park in the town we did!!

The town was flooded with lots of water, lots and lots of water. Where the little beach is in summer was now a bit moist underfoot. Once in the town, grandad let me put the paper money in a big machine. It made lots of funny noises and then puked up Ryan's card which it didn't like the taste of.

For lunch we had some fishes fingers but not their toes and then we went for a play. I can do heaps of bouncy stuff on grandad's bed, I make more room by chucking the pillows and cushions on the floor. Millie on the bed is a massive no-no in grandad's house but I let her jump up and we roll on the bed laughing - well, I'm laughing and I know Millie would if she could. Downstairs and mummy had bought my scooter over so we could use it as a bobsleigh in our Winter Lympics but grandad is rubbish at it because I stand on it and he leaves me there!!!!

We cooked some chook for tea (once again - we are not just egg cookers) and we had it with some more big taters and some green Brockly, some white Brockly and some carrots. CAKES!!!! I'd forgotten our cakes, how could I possibly forget our cakes???? Surely they must be done by now. Hmmmmm, they were and they were lovely. Even Millie liked them although she wasn't supposed to.

I have Tuesday at Nanny Jan's and Poppa Mole's before I'm back for a couple of shifts here on Wednesday and Thursday. Grandad keeps on about us going up market and I'm not sure if he means we're going somewhere posh or he's talking northern and means 'up t'market' like his nan used to talk. Grandad's said nanna's dad used to talk like that with sayings like "Why, aye?" and "Canna 'gan" and "Ahhhh, load of shite". So, I'm very baffled as to what he means but whatever it is, he says we're going there in 13 days - and counting...........

Catch you all later,
Dogg

An extra day in the presence of my trusty grandparent was needed today as he put on his Flying Doctor hat to look after me as I was feeling a bit crook. The fact that grandad wasn't flying or is indeed a doctor is neither here nor there but his warm cuddles and jolly characteristics were in demand. I'm sure it is partly due to our skiing exploits on Monday that my well being has taken a knock and I'm sure it's just a mild case of altitude sickness from the high slopes in Socky.

Daddy took me around to grandad's and then left for work and that's when my crookiness started. A low level whimper got grandad's attention and a few mild words of concern, however I felt the need of something more urgent from the old codger. I raised the stakes a tad higher and was rewarded with a picky up type cuddle, a peck on the cheek from his whiskered chops and even a lick on the nose from the concerned canine, who was obviously feeling left out in the cuddle department.

We played a bit and watched a bit of Ben and Holly, which grandad gets even less than Peppa!! There's a ladybird called Gaston in it but it talks like Millie and piddles like a boy dog. Grandad gets a bit confused, well a bit more than normal. After a little while, I slept. Actually I hibernated for ages but downstairs on the long chair, not in bed as I kept waking up.

In the Spring when I reappeared, I could've eaten an orse but grandad didn't have any in the fridge (he said Frenchies do though), so he made me a sarnie. I was like a new person, altitude sickness seemed to have eased and once again I could pop without the obligatory follow through and all seemed hunky dory again.

Mummy escaped from work early, grandad threw me at her and escaped twice as quickly and all was back to normal (ish).

Just a mini-blog for this unscheduled appointment

Laters
DOGG

Well, WHAT a day we had today. I competed in the Snowy Lympics.

Our walk in town was fun in the morning as I walked with granddad rather than  drove the buggy. On the way in, grandad drove around the back roads so I could see the big cranes that at working by the railway line. They are really big and I love them.

In town, I had to hold on to grandads hand in case he ran away or into the road as he's so unpredictable at his age.  At one point, an old man called out to me "Hello fella, is that your doggy?" and I answered with a great big yes and a jolly good smile. The man laughed and said I had a lovely smile as he chuckled whilst he waddled across the road, narrowly avoiding a big lorry as he did. I'm not sure if he'd been drinking out of those brown paper bags or puffing on one of those funny smokey sticks but he seemed happy nonetheless.

All was going really well until we got around by the road you can't drive down, we walked past Ellie's shop but no Ellie to smile and wave to, we went past Ryan's bank and then onto the Broady Street road. As we walked near the alley that smells we came across a huge lamp post type of thing and for reasons that I have no idea about, I let go of grandads hand (its ok nanna, I made sure he was safe first) and simply hugged the lamp post!! It was wider than grandad (honestly it was, I know that sounds like a makey up bit but it really was) but I just cuddled it. Not for the first time today, an old man laughed at me and said he never seen that before. Grandad laughed, scratched his head and prised me from my new found friend and off we went. I had some very sleepy eyes and at one stage, I closed them whilst walking and I nearly fell over - grandad said it was time we made our way home!! Once in the car, I was asleep before we'd even left the car park.

After my sleep and after dinner, we watched a bit of Peppa Pig and she was on a skiing trip. We then watched some snowy games on the telly from a place called Socky or something which is in a very white place. This gave us an idea. Grandad was going to teach me to ski and we would compete in our very own Winter Lympics!!! He showed me the men on the telly and then showed me how to ski in his socks over the floor. Millie thought it was fun to and she tried to bite grandad's toes. It looked great fun so I tried. Forwards, backwards and in minutes I was going sideways too. I did fall down a few times but our heavy training schedule meant we would be ready to compete by tea-time.

First event was the slalom and I have to say that grandad was marginally better than me but I realised this was because he doesn't have those little patches on the bottom of his socks like I have - the little ones for extra grip. I know he is a more professional front room floor skier than me but I was still learning. He can run through the front room and slide right through the kitchen (unless Millie had caught his foot!). He had to go careful in case he bashed his noggin on the patio door though.

Our second event was more equal - it was the ice-floor-skating and my artistic impression scores were much better because I could pirouette and glide much more daintily than the blundering walrus I was up against.

When mummy and nanna came home, grandad said we should show them our new skills and we were done a well rehearsed Mens Doubles Synchro routine that was like watching one person in a mirror (albeit a small mirror reflection for my part). We were the best doubles team to grace the ice-floor that whole day, although not so much Torvill and Deane as more Orville The Duck!

We were both more than happy to compete once more, so grandad went first and our 'judges' scored him "4.5, 4.3". As I took to the ice-floor, I knew I had to be really on my game to beat him but once again, my near faultless display of ice-floor-skating was a joy to behold and both mummy and nanna laughed with delight as they scored me "5.8, 5.8" for another medal winning performance.  After grandad had gone to work, I showed mummy and nanna my speed ice-floor-skating as I went round and round in circles like an Ice Skating Teddy Bear, swinging my arms like a demented monkey as I went.

That was it, my first and most definitely not my last attempt at skating and skiing. It was the bestest sports days so far.

Hasta la vista on la piste LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dogg

We had outside play today at grandad's, back in the little house in the garden with my kitchen in it. I made us both some onion, carrot and banana soup with broccoli and Rice Krispies for our main course. Pud was more Rice Krispies and CocoPops with some small stones and water from the water butt thing outside. Hmmmmmm. 

I then drove around the garden in my red car, chasing Millie until she ran indoors. I filled my wheeliebarrow up with some of the stones and then grandad let me throw the stones in the water butt thing - well, when I say he let me throw them, he actually said 'don't throw them' then he said 'Ok just the one'. What my beloved grandad has failed to remember is that I don't really understand all my numbers yet. Everything used to be six and I used this to my advantage as I threw all the stones in the water butt thing - SPLASH!!! - they went, so I then went back and got some more whilst grandad banged his head against the garage wall. 

It was just before dinner when me, grandad and Millie went for a walk. Grandad had got me to decorate a piece of card to use as a birthday card, he's such a cheapyscater. We had to post the letter for the birthday person grandad knows and it had to be posted before tea time. Personally, with me walking alongside, I think we should've left a little earlier - like yesterday but we got there before it got too dark and I popped the letter in the post box. OMG (that's street talk for blooming 'eck) I thought as we walked back down the road and past two Chinese ladies as grandad shouted out to them. 

"Kung Hei Fat Choi" he said as I held my head in my hands anticipating a return volley of abuse from the two little old ladies. I wasn't disappointed! 

"Ah so" one of them shouted back. She couldn't pronounce it quite right but I knew what she was calling him even in my tender years. To be honest grandad, you asked for that. You can't go around calling anyone a fat anything, it just isn't cricket - or ping pong as this case may be LOL😆. 

I was mildly surprised by the way the ladies hurled the abuse back but kept a lovely smile and gave a dainty wave too, as if they knew grandad. Apparently it was Chinese New Year on Jan 31st and everyone born in China this year will be a horse. Next year a goat and then a minkey. 

Back home, grandad's mummy (nanny Vi) popped over to see us quickly and she brought me a fluffy Millie toy to take home. It's so cuddly and has no teeth so it's a bit friendlier towards cats and birds in the garden. We grabbed some lunch then I done a little bit of scribbling before grandad showed me how to make a lantern for the Chinese people he'd abused earlier to celebrate their New Year as some form of peace offering, I suppose. It was rubbish because when we finished it, I put some crayons in it and they fell through the bottom. Grandad said that's how they should be but I can't see the point of that at all!! What can you carry in it? Stupid lantern so I squashed it.

Once again our weekly episode of Hells Bells Kitchen involved the smashing up of eggs and some chickens when powder flavouring stuff. Grandad put two stickers on his fingers and sang "Two Little Dicky Birds" which was funny and he made them disappear then come back again - he's a clever grandad. We also cut up some white broccoli looking stuff and put it in the taitor boily pot. After they had cooked, we chopped up the taitors and put them in the pot too. Grandad pinched a bit of chicken and gave it to Millie but I don't mind as I share my dinner with her anyway - Millie loves me. 

After dinner, both mummy and daddy came to get me and after they'd had their tea, nanna let me take Millie's old lead with me so my Millie didn't run off. Grandad said we're going upmarket soon but I've no idea what he's on about as usual. He's such hard work at times but he's quite safe to let out on his own once it's dark. 

Catch ya later........
Dogg