After a few minor hiccups on this blog site, we have now moved all future Doggblogs along with other bits & bobs to the following low level website:
www.grandaddydaycare.com
The last blog on this site was the short one from my swimming lesson with grandad last Saturday. If the website doesn't take off, we will revert back to this so it won't be cancelled yet.
We've been getting constant error messages coming up during the writing of our escapades and to be honest, it's a tad annoying. We've tried to contact the relevant people but just get notes from other users having a similar problem. I'm sure it's nothing much but it may be time to try it from another angle because today is our birthday, our first birthday!!
Because grandad wastes a lot of time in the daytime watching Jeremy Kyle, Loose Women and constant repeats of Only Fools and Horses and Peppa Pig, I thought it would benefit everyone for him to direct his attention to a better service. He watches repeats of West Ham wins and says they are unbeaten for months!!!!
Nanna will be cheesed off because he needs to finish the kitchen - and heating system - and allotment - and decorating - and the loft - and the garage........... Oh dear, what have I done.
Don't be frightened to send him a note via email: info@grandaddydaycare.com as he won't be frightened to tell you to bog off but I'm sure he won't. If you send any photos, please make sure you're happy with them to be published although if they are, it won't be to the Vision On music with Tony Hart AND there will be no financial reward like You've Been Framed! Blow that for a game of soldiers.
Many thanks to all my followers, twelve months of looking after grandad has been both tough and rewarding and I have a feeling the next twelve months will double in effort. Try the webby, its purely low level but will still be fun after it gets going.
Dogg
XX
Monday, 3 March 2014
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Just as the recent series of 'SPLASH' ends with that little dancer dude taking the coveted crown, me and grandad attempt to make our very own episode. Daddy couldn't take me swimming this week and mummy is in a state of obvious misuse so first on my substitute list is the old fella. Now it has to be said that my grandad isn't at the peak of his physical fitness, it may be observed by many that he probably never has been but if he has, that phase is oh-but-a-mere dot on the horizon! He is beginning to form the shape of a very large snowball and is getting as round as he is high despite constant claims to "do something about it". Our recent Winter Lympiks adventures indoors were a huge success (thankfully not via YouTube!!!) and we were confident that our synchro diving AND swimming would be an equal successful campaign.
Grandad got me changed into my baby speedos and then got himself ready - oh dear! He wore shorts that used to look a lot better on him than they do now as he proudly walked us out onto the poolside. Grandad is quite a well known cadgy in the swimming circles and he knows a lot of people from all over the place. Most of my 'coaches' know him very well, one knows him very well although today I think she'd prefer not to - NANNA. Because he is famous, we came out onto poolside like a pair of celebrities and in all fairness, quite rightly so. The ladies who knew grandad laughed, no no sorry - the ladies who knew grandad cheered and clapped as we got ready to enter the water.
I stood on the side and was instructed to wait for the person responsible for me. I waited ages until it dawned on me that it was grandad was that soldier. In he got - SPLOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!! With all the grace and finesse of the diver on the John Smiths beer advert, grandad done a big bomb. All the people on poolside got soaked, some of my fellow swim mates were catapulted through the air at a speed never before recorded, the kids from the previous lesson screamed from the changing rooms as a mini tsunami hit the walls and then he turned around and told me to jump into the water. WHAT WATER?!?!?! By now, even I could walk safely on the pool floor! Once the water had returned and settled, my entrance was by far more elegant, a double somersault with two and a half twists from an upside pike standing down position preceded by my traditional war cry of 'Whoa, whoa, whoa.....' as I launch from the top step.
I coughed and spluttered as I found the surface and a grandad who was meant to catch me. He knows my 'Whoa, whoa, whoa' is a clear indication that I was about to jump but he chose to ogle the young mum standing on poolside instead AND Nanna was there too. Disgraceful! Before the lesson started, the swim lady Jan, got all our group together to take a photo as it was the first time she'd had a group with kids and dads. I'm quietly confident her real reason was because me and grandad were there as we're quite a sort after commodity. We've turned down several requests to open supermarkets but haven't given up the idea of a calendar boys venture. In my lesson we had to make a pirate ship by going backwards and forwards collecting a boat then the masks and sails. We had to kicky kick on our fronts and then our backs. Then we had to get the little pirates by blowing bubbles in the water. Grandad could do this easily and he never even put his face in the water - he is a clever grandad.
When it was time to get out I had a little shower, I liked the shower, in fact I had five or six little showers, I really like the shower!! We got dried and changed but there were girls in our changing rooms - that's just not cricket.
On the way home, grandad gave me a few Quavers to stave off my hunger but after three I fell asleep. This swimming lark is a bit tiring. Apparently I got back to mummy at Nanny Jan's and Poppa Mole's and went straight to bed for a kip. Grandad disappeared like a Dynamo the Magician and that was it.
Monday is our big day, me and grandad are going to be on a roll...............
Grandad got me changed into my baby speedos and then got himself ready - oh dear! He wore shorts that used to look a lot better on him than they do now as he proudly walked us out onto the poolside. Grandad is quite a well known cadgy in the swimming circles and he knows a lot of people from all over the place. Most of my 'coaches' know him very well, one knows him very well although today I think she'd prefer not to - NANNA. Because he is famous, we came out onto poolside like a pair of celebrities and in all fairness, quite rightly so. The ladies who knew grandad laughed, no no sorry - the ladies who knew grandad cheered and clapped as we got ready to enter the water.
I stood on the side and was instructed to wait for the person responsible for me. I waited ages until it dawned on me that it was grandad was that soldier. In he got - SPLOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!! With all the grace and finesse of the diver on the John Smiths beer advert, grandad done a big bomb. All the people on poolside got soaked, some of my fellow swim mates were catapulted through the air at a speed never before recorded, the kids from the previous lesson screamed from the changing rooms as a mini tsunami hit the walls and then he turned around and told me to jump into the water. WHAT WATER?!?!?! By now, even I could walk safely on the pool floor! Once the water had returned and settled, my entrance was by far more elegant, a double somersault with two and a half twists from an upside pike standing down position preceded by my traditional war cry of 'Whoa, whoa, whoa.....' as I launch from the top step.
I coughed and spluttered as I found the surface and a grandad who was meant to catch me. He knows my 'Whoa, whoa, whoa' is a clear indication that I was about to jump but he chose to ogle the young mum standing on poolside instead AND Nanna was there too. Disgraceful! Before the lesson started, the swim lady Jan, got all our group together to take a photo as it was the first time she'd had a group with kids and dads. I'm quietly confident her real reason was because me and grandad were there as we're quite a sort after commodity. We've turned down several requests to open supermarkets but haven't given up the idea of a calendar boys venture. In my lesson we had to make a pirate ship by going backwards and forwards collecting a boat then the masks and sails. We had to kicky kick on our fronts and then our backs. Then we had to get the little pirates by blowing bubbles in the water. Grandad could do this easily and he never even put his face in the water - he is a clever grandad.
When it was time to get out I had a little shower, I liked the shower, in fact I had five or six little showers, I really like the shower!! We got dried and changed but there were girls in our changing rooms - that's just not cricket.
On the way home, grandad gave me a few Quavers to stave off my hunger but after three I fell asleep. This swimming lark is a bit tiring. Apparently I got back to mummy at Nanny Jan's and Poppa Mole's and went straight to bed for a kip. Grandad disappeared like a Dynamo the Magician and that was it.
Monday is our big day, me and grandad are going to be on a roll...............
Tuesday, 25 February 2014
That's it then, I've now finished the first part of my basic cookery course and have to prepare myself for an exam next week. Not sure what the theme is but granddad told me that next week is 'all my own work' apart from the bits that may cut my fingers off.
I made a simple pizza today, well actually I made THREE pizza's today - one for me, one for nanna and a bigger one for mummy and daddy to share. It was quite a juggly act because they all like different things or to be precise, they all don't like different things: daddy doesn't like much rooms, mummy isn't keen on Tommy's toes and nanna doesn't eat meat from animals. So here we go with the greedy ants: talcum powder for the base, juice from tomatoes, slicey up tomatoes, much rooms, 'am, three hundred different cheeses and some water.
Granddad had to mix the talc and the water because it was a guey mess and stuck like pooh to a nappy - it was real yuk!! We put some flowers on the worktop so it wouldn't stick but that was a waste of time. After about two hours, it was finally sort of ready to squash so granddad gave me a big wooden stick and we bashed the gunk until it was nice and flat then we broke it up into three pieces and squashed it some more. Granddad then gave me some juice from some Italian tomatoes in a jar and let me splash it on the bottom stuff. This was a fun bit because I was allowed to bash the poon on the juice and it went everywhere - over the floor, over the fridge and even over Millie. Millie is now a Greater Red Spotted Westie!! Sorry Millie but it'll wash out one day.
We added the bits of toppings to the appropriate pizza with the precision of an exorcet missile and then popped them all in the oven until two episodes of Peppa Pigg and half of Ben and Holly had been on and then they were ready. THEY WERE SCRUMPTIOUS!!!!!!!!
I made a curry thing for daddy and warmed up some fishes for me and mummy to eat when we got home. We had some expertly cooked rice to go with both dinners. This was measured and flavoured to perfection and then put in a bag for us to warm up ourselves later.
Hearlier we went for our usual walk into town and it was quite a pleasant stroll. We saw the men working on the buildy site with the big diggers and the massive cranes which go right up to the moon. We crossed the road in front of a policeman in his car and he just laughed at us. I hope he wasn't going to a mergency somewhere. I haven't noticed the little man who walks with a limp and I'm sure he's fell in a puddle somewhere in town. The lady with not many clothes on hasn't made an appearance either although we did see her twin sister in a woolly coat and a big 'at.
Mummy has been at home this week as she has been told to have a few days off as she's feeling a bit crook. When I got home, Poppa Mole was there and I helped him fix some things for mummy and daddy. I'm good with those screwy driver things and I'm sure I'm a massive help to everyone.
Granddad said that next week is going to be a busy day for us as I have my cooky exam as soon as I get there when we make something special and if there's time after my exam, we are going up to see the airplanes if the weather is ok. I assume they don't fly if its raining so they don't get wet.
That's it really, nothing much today but it's probably just the calm before the storm. Next week our antics should be available for all to see - if granddad can suss out the technology!!
Trust me, next week is going to be BIG. Watch this space!!
Catch you later
Dogg
I made a simple pizza today, well actually I made THREE pizza's today - one for me, one for nanna and a bigger one for mummy and daddy to share. It was quite a juggly act because they all like different things or to be precise, they all don't like different things: daddy doesn't like much rooms, mummy isn't keen on Tommy's toes and nanna doesn't eat meat from animals. So here we go with the greedy ants: talcum powder for the base, juice from tomatoes, slicey up tomatoes, much rooms, 'am, three hundred different cheeses and some water.
Granddad had to mix the talc and the water because it was a guey mess and stuck like pooh to a nappy - it was real yuk!! We put some flowers on the worktop so it wouldn't stick but that was a waste of time. After about two hours, it was finally sort of ready to squash so granddad gave me a big wooden stick and we bashed the gunk until it was nice and flat then we broke it up into three pieces and squashed it some more. Granddad then gave me some juice from some Italian tomatoes in a jar and let me splash it on the bottom stuff. This was a fun bit because I was allowed to bash the poon on the juice and it went everywhere - over the floor, over the fridge and even over Millie. Millie is now a Greater Red Spotted Westie!! Sorry Millie but it'll wash out one day.
We added the bits of toppings to the appropriate pizza with the precision of an exorcet missile and then popped them all in the oven until two episodes of Peppa Pigg and half of Ben and Holly had been on and then they were ready. THEY WERE SCRUMPTIOUS!!!!!!!!
I made a curry thing for daddy and warmed up some fishes for me and mummy to eat when we got home. We had some expertly cooked rice to go with both dinners. This was measured and flavoured to perfection and then put in a bag for us to warm up ourselves later.
Hearlier we went for our usual walk into town and it was quite a pleasant stroll. We saw the men working on the buildy site with the big diggers and the massive cranes which go right up to the moon. We crossed the road in front of a policeman in his car and he just laughed at us. I hope he wasn't going to a mergency somewhere. I haven't noticed the little man who walks with a limp and I'm sure he's fell in a puddle somewhere in town. The lady with not many clothes on hasn't made an appearance either although we did see her twin sister in a woolly coat and a big 'at.
Mummy has been at home this week as she has been told to have a few days off as she's feeling a bit crook. When I got home, Poppa Mole was there and I helped him fix some things for mummy and daddy. I'm good with those screwy driver things and I'm sure I'm a massive help to everyone.
Granddad said that next week is going to be a busy day for us as I have my cooky exam as soon as I get there when we make something special and if there's time after my exam, we are going up to see the airplanes if the weather is ok. I assume they don't fly if its raining so they don't get wet.
That's it really, nothing much today but it's probably just the calm before the storm. Next week our antics should be available for all to see - if granddad can suss out the technology!!
Trust me, next week is going to be BIG. Watch this space!!
Catch you later
Dogg
Thursday, 20 February 2014
The death of mummy's phone the previous evening after very non-productive swimming lesson meant we had a evening of mourning with the moist phone being laid to rest in a bag of rice. Not sure why but I assume its part of some bizarre phone burial ritual that has been passed down from iPhone to iPhone over the centuries.
This morning however, 'Praise The Lord' a Phoenix has risen from the ashes and mummy's electronic companion breathed life again after she tried once more to switch it on. After the half eaten apple sign disappeared, a series of bleeps indicated the phone was once again online (as they say these days).
"Eureka!!!" Mummy shouted as she danced across the floor waving her phone at me.
"It's working again" she said. She was so happy and she told grandad of her joy and why her very expensive phone cover had saved the day!
Now what I want to know is this - it seems that this is a well known fact: rice dries things like sunken phones when the they are left in a bag of rice for a while. Brilliant I think but why don't they make nappies out of rice? I'd be dry all day and I could change my nappy once a week like grandad does. After that, we could boil it and have it with our dinner as normal - two jobs in one I'm thinking. The extra taste wouldn't really be noticed so go for it. I'm on the phone to Tesco later to start the ball rolling with 'Wee Man's Wee Rice'.
Today we visited a shop with animals in it. Nanna and grandad took me just outside town then rudely woke me from my pleasant slumber when we got to the shop. I had my wellies on so I could play in the puddles (not with grandad's phone though!). We saw some pretty birds in a cage then went to see an Howl that was normous. It's the biggest bird I've ever seen apart from the one on X Factor a while back. It could turn his head right around without moving his body. I think nanna can do this when she sees me doing something I shouldn't be doing when she says "I can see you" and she's not even in the same room!!
We then saw some snakes, one kept poking his tongue out at me so I poked mine back at him (or her - how do you tell?). A big lizard looked at Millie, Millie looked at the big lizard then the big lizard stood up and walked around so Millie stood up and walked behind grandad. We saw some little fishes with lights in them and some real ugly ones too. Then nanna took me upstairs and there were some parrots and grandad said something like one had a cock or two which I thought was very clever but equally pointless. There were some puppies in there and they were lovely, a little brown one wanted to come home with me but Millie said no. I have my Millie so can't take in anymore.
After a little snooze and a little sarnie, I was once again on cooking duties as our plan today was to make some little cakes with chocolate bits in them. We stirred in some butter and sugar then added a couple of eggs. We added some flowers which was both fun and messy - like really messy!! Then I had to put some chocolate pieces in so I evenly counted them out 'One for the cakes, four for Dogg' until they were all gone - which wasn't actually that long. After a really hard stir, I put the soggy stuff in those little paper bowls we done the Rice Krispie cakes in and nanna put them in the hot oven. After several hours they were cooked and nanna gave me one. I must admit they tasted better with the paper off, so I put the rest in a tin for mummy and daddy. I saved one for grandad but nanna said he didn't want it which I thought was a nice gesture of hers to answer for him because I think he has trouble saying no to cakes.
Just before three, grandad got ready for work then took me back in the big car. I felt like a princess as I waved to the people on the way back.
That's it for this week at grandad's. I'm off to nanny Jan's tomorrow then back here on Monday when grandad will be short-staffed again.
Catch you all laters, mashed taters!!!
DOGG
This morning however, 'Praise The Lord' a Phoenix has risen from the ashes and mummy's electronic companion breathed life again after she tried once more to switch it on. After the half eaten apple sign disappeared, a series of bleeps indicated the phone was once again online (as they say these days).
"Eureka!!!" Mummy shouted as she danced across the floor waving her phone at me.
"It's working again" she said. She was so happy and she told grandad of her joy and why her very expensive phone cover had saved the day!
Now what I want to know is this - it seems that this is a well known fact: rice dries things like sunken phones when the they are left in a bag of rice for a while. Brilliant I think but why don't they make nappies out of rice? I'd be dry all day and I could change my nappy once a week like grandad does. After that, we could boil it and have it with our dinner as normal - two jobs in one I'm thinking. The extra taste wouldn't really be noticed so go for it. I'm on the phone to Tesco later to start the ball rolling with 'Wee Man's Wee Rice'.
Today we visited a shop with animals in it. Nanna and grandad took me just outside town then rudely woke me from my pleasant slumber when we got to the shop. I had my wellies on so I could play in the puddles (not with grandad's phone though!). We saw some pretty birds in a cage then went to see an Howl that was normous. It's the biggest bird I've ever seen apart from the one on X Factor a while back. It could turn his head right around without moving his body. I think nanna can do this when she sees me doing something I shouldn't be doing when she says "I can see you" and she's not even in the same room!!
We then saw some snakes, one kept poking his tongue out at me so I poked mine back at him (or her - how do you tell?). A big lizard looked at Millie, Millie looked at the big lizard then the big lizard stood up and walked around so Millie stood up and walked behind grandad. We saw some little fishes with lights in them and some real ugly ones too. Then nanna took me upstairs and there were some parrots and grandad said something like one had a cock or two which I thought was very clever but equally pointless. There were some puppies in there and they were lovely, a little brown one wanted to come home with me but Millie said no. I have my Millie so can't take in anymore.
After a little snooze and a little sarnie, I was once again on cooking duties as our plan today was to make some little cakes with chocolate bits in them. We stirred in some butter and sugar then added a couple of eggs. We added some flowers which was both fun and messy - like really messy!! Then I had to put some chocolate pieces in so I evenly counted them out 'One for the cakes, four for Dogg' until they were all gone - which wasn't actually that long. After a really hard stir, I put the soggy stuff in those little paper bowls we done the Rice Krispie cakes in and nanna put them in the hot oven. After several hours they were cooked and nanna gave me one. I must admit they tasted better with the paper off, so I put the rest in a tin for mummy and daddy. I saved one for grandad but nanna said he didn't want it which I thought was a nice gesture of hers to answer for him because I think he has trouble saying no to cakes.
Just before three, grandad got ready for work then took me back in the big car. I felt like a princess as I waved to the people on the way back.
That's it for this week at grandad's. I'm off to nanny Jan's tomorrow then back here on Monday when grandad will be short-staffed again.
Catch you all laters, mashed taters!!!
DOGG
Wednesday, 19 February 2014
On occasion, I've been known to hide from grandad in Millie's bed and it's that small practice that serves me well today. You see, I'm in the doghouse already. I had a lovely bath last night before I went to beddy-byes, splashed around in the bathy bubbles, played with my bath-friendly ducks and toys which are really waterproof and also with mummy's phone which apparently isn't. I think I can safely say that, although she loves me, she wasn't best pleased because her sense of humour seemed to evaporate like water in the desert. I could be having my bath with the old chap tonight!! So here I am, punished for the day with my second spell of the week at grandad's.
Cookery lesson today was breakfast and lots of it. We done our usual tricks with the eggs although today they were going to be scrambled. Grandad let me cut up some much rooms on the choppy board with my plastic knife and I must say, I great job I did of them too. Grandad cooked some bread in the silver thing and then let me butter it and we then chucked the egg and much rooms on top. Scrummy!!
We then got dinner ready for the evening: nanna cooked the shepherds, grandad peeled the tatoes and I cut them into Dogg sized chunks for mashy up pie topping. We chopped some carrots with the precision of a blind man using a pitch fork and lobbed them into the pot. Nanna warmed it all up then left it on the side ready for the evening.
With all the plates washed up, dried up and left on the side we got ready for my bestest adventure of the day. Nanna and grandad are taking me and Millie on a train - a real one. I was running around like my bum was on fire with excitement, so you can imagine my disappointment when we got in the car! Nanna said we had to drive to the railway station as the trains don't stop in grandad's road. When I'm Prime Minister, I'll get that sorted for you grandad!!! We parked in a different car park than we normally do and got in a lift to go down to the station. There was a certain fragrence coming from the lift, one that smells similar to my damp nappy. Grandad said that the lift doubles as a toilet at night time which I thought was a very good public service provided by our local council, who are obviously thinking of ways to help save some pennies.
Grandad went to the lady in the goldfish bowl and got us some tickets. Me and Millie didn't have to pay because we're famous but the lady gave me my own special ticket which had no writing in it. This meant I could go anywhere in the whole world that I chose to. After several minutes of intensive thought, I decided it'll be best I went with nanna and grandad so we walked to the train platform. The train was late, apparently quite common in this country. When it came along I was so excited, I nearly needed another nappy. It was massive and really noisy. The doors opened like on Star Trek and we jumped in. Me and nanna sat in a real comfy chair opposite a man who we didn't know. Grandad and Millie stood by the door, planning an early escape. We went passed lots of houses that all had lakes in the garden which I thought was quite strange as there were lots of lakes outside their gardens too. It would've been better if they'd planted flowers and grass in theirs but everyone to their own I suppose.
We stopped in a village where Nanny Vi lives and started to walk towards her house. After what seemed like three hours, I thought to myself 'Blow this for a game of soldiers, I want a carry' and my ever faithful grandad duly obliged. I ran in to see Nanny Vi and chased Millie around with her ball and a pink biscuit. They all had a cup of tea whilst me and Millie ate our lunch. After a long chat, we left Nanny Vi's and ran at 200mph because grandad said we had to catch the next train. I was really puffed out when we got to the station and slightly less than happy to find out the train was going to be another 10 minutes. My grandad has a habit of this type of time keeping and it's not big and it's not clever!!!! The train took sooooo long that when it finally arrived, even I needed a shave but it was a brilliant trip and as soon as we'd got in the car, I fell asleep for ages.
Mummy came home whilst I was watching Peppa Pig and by funny coincidence Mummy Pig said to Daddy Pig (who was on a boat with Peppa and George) "Don't drop your phone in the water, Daddy Pig".
"I won't" said Daddy Pig
SPLOOOOOSSSHHHHH!!!!
My day ended as it started.
I played with a Uncle Ryan for a while before having a few nibbles of my tea but wasn't too hungry tonight. Today was no punishment, today was brilliant fun with heaps of giggles.
Back again tomorrow,
Hasta la vista
DOGG
Cookery lesson today was breakfast and lots of it. We done our usual tricks with the eggs although today they were going to be scrambled. Grandad let me cut up some much rooms on the choppy board with my plastic knife and I must say, I great job I did of them too. Grandad cooked some bread in the silver thing and then let me butter it and we then chucked the egg and much rooms on top. Scrummy!!
We then got dinner ready for the evening: nanna cooked the shepherds, grandad peeled the tatoes and I cut them into Dogg sized chunks for mashy up pie topping. We chopped some carrots with the precision of a blind man using a pitch fork and lobbed them into the pot. Nanna warmed it all up then left it on the side ready for the evening.
With all the plates washed up, dried up and left on the side we got ready for my bestest adventure of the day. Nanna and grandad are taking me and Millie on a train - a real one. I was running around like my bum was on fire with excitement, so you can imagine my disappointment when we got in the car! Nanna said we had to drive to the railway station as the trains don't stop in grandad's road. When I'm Prime Minister, I'll get that sorted for you grandad!!! We parked in a different car park than we normally do and got in a lift to go down to the station. There was a certain fragrence coming from the lift, one that smells similar to my damp nappy. Grandad said that the lift doubles as a toilet at night time which I thought was a very good public service provided by our local council, who are obviously thinking of ways to help save some pennies.
Grandad went to the lady in the goldfish bowl and got us some tickets. Me and Millie didn't have to pay because we're famous but the lady gave me my own special ticket which had no writing in it. This meant I could go anywhere in the whole world that I chose to. After several minutes of intensive thought, I decided it'll be best I went with nanna and grandad so we walked to the train platform. The train was late, apparently quite common in this country. When it came along I was so excited, I nearly needed another nappy. It was massive and really noisy. The doors opened like on Star Trek and we jumped in. Me and nanna sat in a real comfy chair opposite a man who we didn't know. Grandad and Millie stood by the door, planning an early escape. We went passed lots of houses that all had lakes in the garden which I thought was quite strange as there were lots of lakes outside their gardens too. It would've been better if they'd planted flowers and grass in theirs but everyone to their own I suppose.
We stopped in a village where Nanny Vi lives and started to walk towards her house. After what seemed like three hours, I thought to myself 'Blow this for a game of soldiers, I want a carry' and my ever faithful grandad duly obliged. I ran in to see Nanny Vi and chased Millie around with her ball and a pink biscuit. They all had a cup of tea whilst me and Millie ate our lunch. After a long chat, we left Nanny Vi's and ran at 200mph because grandad said we had to catch the next train. I was really puffed out when we got to the station and slightly less than happy to find out the train was going to be another 10 minutes. My grandad has a habit of this type of time keeping and it's not big and it's not clever!!!! The train took sooooo long that when it finally arrived, even I needed a shave but it was a brilliant trip and as soon as we'd got in the car, I fell asleep for ages.
Mummy came home whilst I was watching Peppa Pig and by funny coincidence Mummy Pig said to Daddy Pig (who was on a boat with Peppa and George) "Don't drop your phone in the water, Daddy Pig".
"I won't" said Daddy Pig
SPLOOOOOSSSHHHHH!!!!
My day ended as it started.
I played with a Uncle Ryan for a while before having a few nibbles of my tea but wasn't too hungry tonight. Today was no punishment, today was brilliant fun with heaps of giggles.
Back again tomorrow,
Hasta la vista
DOGG
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
We have a discrepancy (as mummy calls them). Somebody, I know not whom, has allegedly (we have to say that in case someone sues us for all the chocolate we have!) mentioned that we only cook eggs at our establishment. To that point, today nanna and grandad let me cook some Rice Krispie cakes for me, mummy and Millie.
Grandad asked me to put a few Rice Krispies (am I allowed to say Rice Krispies or is that an advertising thingybob?) in a big bowl. Now I thought that because the bowl was so big, a few Rice Krispies looked a little lost so I added the whole box until they overflowed onto the floor. That was ok because Millie is like a four-legged Dyson (more advertising) and she can whoosh up any spilled goodies with considerable ease.
Nanna melted some chocolate from Sainsburys (seeing as we're on an advertising campaign, we better not leave anyone out) in another big bowl over some hot water. This seemed a little stupid as it made it all gouey and yuk but it made it easier to mix in the Rice Krispies. Nanna poured in the chocolate and let me mix it all up. She them put some little paper bowls down for me to put the mixy stuff in. I was really good at this for most of the time, there was a little moment when I rested the poon on the edge of the bowl and it flicked all over the worktop, grandad and the floor but our trusty hoover cleaner mopped up accordingly. Whenever I have food, Millie is my bestest friend. We wasn't allowed to put the chocolate cakes in the oven but put them in the fridge to cook. This seems a silly way of doing things but it seems a lot safer too.
It was walking time and off we went to town to pay some money into Ryan's bank. Nanna told grandad we should park in the town centre car park where grandad forgets to pay but he said we would be fine in the freebie one. Nanna said it wasn't fair for me to walk too far even though we do it most weeks. She thinks I'm a lightweight. I think grandad is a lightweight because he had to do as he was told and park in the town we did!!
The town was flooded with lots of water, lots and lots of water. Where the little beach is in summer was now a bit moist underfoot. Once in the town, grandad let me put the paper money in a big machine. It made lots of funny noises and then puked up Ryan's card which it didn't like the taste of.
For lunch we had some fishes fingers but not their toes and then we went for a play. I can do heaps of bouncy stuff on grandad's bed, I make more room by chucking the pillows and cushions on the floor. Millie on the bed is a massive no-no in grandad's house but I let her jump up and we roll on the bed laughing - well, I'm laughing and I know Millie would if she could. Downstairs and mummy had bought my scooter over so we could use it as a bobsleigh in our Winter Lympics but grandad is rubbish at it because I stand on it and he leaves me there!!!!
We cooked some chook for tea (once again - we are not just egg cookers) and we had it with some more big taters and some green Brockly, some white Brockly and some carrots. CAKES!!!! I'd forgotten our cakes, how could I possibly forget our cakes???? Surely they must be done by now. Hmmmmm, they were and they were lovely. Even Millie liked them although she wasn't supposed to.
I have Tuesday at Nanny Jan's and Poppa Mole's before I'm back for a couple of shifts here on Wednesday and Thursday. Grandad keeps on about us going up market and I'm not sure if he means we're going somewhere posh or he's talking northern and means 'up t'market' like his nan used to talk. Grandad's said nanna's dad used to talk like that with sayings like "Why, aye?" and "Canna 'gan" and "Ahhhh, load of shite". So, I'm very baffled as to what he means but whatever it is, he says we're going there in 13 days - and counting...........
Catch you all later,
Dogg
Grandad asked me to put a few Rice Krispies (am I allowed to say Rice Krispies or is that an advertising thingybob?) in a big bowl. Now I thought that because the bowl was so big, a few Rice Krispies looked a little lost so I added the whole box until they overflowed onto the floor. That was ok because Millie is like a four-legged Dyson (more advertising) and she can whoosh up any spilled goodies with considerable ease.
Nanna melted some chocolate from Sainsburys (seeing as we're on an advertising campaign, we better not leave anyone out) in another big bowl over some hot water. This seemed a little stupid as it made it all gouey and yuk but it made it easier to mix in the Rice Krispies. Nanna poured in the chocolate and let me mix it all up. She them put some little paper bowls down for me to put the mixy stuff in. I was really good at this for most of the time, there was a little moment when I rested the poon on the edge of the bowl and it flicked all over the worktop, grandad and the floor but our trusty hoover cleaner mopped up accordingly. Whenever I have food, Millie is my bestest friend. We wasn't allowed to put the chocolate cakes in the oven but put them in the fridge to cook. This seems a silly way of doing things but it seems a lot safer too.
It was walking time and off we went to town to pay some money into Ryan's bank. Nanna told grandad we should park in the town centre car park where grandad forgets to pay but he said we would be fine in the freebie one. Nanna said it wasn't fair for me to walk too far even though we do it most weeks. She thinks I'm a lightweight. I think grandad is a lightweight because he had to do as he was told and park in the town we did!!
The town was flooded with lots of water, lots and lots of water. Where the little beach is in summer was now a bit moist underfoot. Once in the town, grandad let me put the paper money in a big machine. It made lots of funny noises and then puked up Ryan's card which it didn't like the taste of.
For lunch we had some fishes fingers but not their toes and then we went for a play. I can do heaps of bouncy stuff on grandad's bed, I make more room by chucking the pillows and cushions on the floor. Millie on the bed is a massive no-no in grandad's house but I let her jump up and we roll on the bed laughing - well, I'm laughing and I know Millie would if she could. Downstairs and mummy had bought my scooter over so we could use it as a bobsleigh in our Winter Lympics but grandad is rubbish at it because I stand on it and he leaves me there!!!!
We cooked some chook for tea (once again - we are not just egg cookers) and we had it with some more big taters and some green Brockly, some white Brockly and some carrots. CAKES!!!! I'd forgotten our cakes, how could I possibly forget our cakes???? Surely they must be done by now. Hmmmmm, they were and they were lovely. Even Millie liked them although she wasn't supposed to.
I have Tuesday at Nanny Jan's and Poppa Mole's before I'm back for a couple of shifts here on Wednesday and Thursday. Grandad keeps on about us going up market and I'm not sure if he means we're going somewhere posh or he's talking northern and means 'up t'market' like his nan used to talk. Grandad's said nanna's dad used to talk like that with sayings like "Why, aye?" and "Canna 'gan" and "Ahhhh, load of shite". So, I'm very baffled as to what he means but whatever it is, he says we're going there in 13 days - and counting...........
Catch you all later,
Dogg
Wednesday, 12 February 2014
An extra day in the presence of my trusty grandparent was needed today as he put on his Flying Doctor hat to look after me as I was feeling a bit crook. The fact that grandad wasn't flying or is indeed a doctor is neither here nor there but his warm cuddles and jolly characteristics were in demand. I'm sure it is partly due to our skiing exploits on Monday that my well being has taken a knock and I'm sure it's just a mild case of altitude sickness from the high slopes in Socky.
Daddy took me around to grandad's and then left for work and that's when my crookiness started. A low level whimper got grandad's attention and a few mild words of concern, however I felt the need of something more urgent from the old codger. I raised the stakes a tad higher and was rewarded with a picky up type cuddle, a peck on the cheek from his whiskered chops and even a lick on the nose from the concerned canine, who was obviously feeling left out in the cuddle department.
We played a bit and watched a bit of Ben and Holly, which grandad gets even less than Peppa!! There's a ladybird called Gaston in it but it talks like Millie and piddles like a boy dog. Grandad gets a bit confused, well a bit more than normal. After a little while, I slept. Actually I hibernated for ages but downstairs on the long chair, not in bed as I kept waking up.
In the Spring when I reappeared, I could've eaten an orse but grandad didn't have any in the fridge (he said Frenchies do though), so he made me a sarnie. I was like a new person, altitude sickness seemed to have eased and once again I could pop without the obligatory follow through and all seemed hunky dory again.
Mummy escaped from work early, grandad threw me at her and escaped twice as quickly and all was back to normal (ish).
Just a mini-blog for this unscheduled appointment
Laters
DOGG
Daddy took me around to grandad's and then left for work and that's when my crookiness started. A low level whimper got grandad's attention and a few mild words of concern, however I felt the need of something more urgent from the old codger. I raised the stakes a tad higher and was rewarded with a picky up type cuddle, a peck on the cheek from his whiskered chops and even a lick on the nose from the concerned canine, who was obviously feeling left out in the cuddle department.
We played a bit and watched a bit of Ben and Holly, which grandad gets even less than Peppa!! There's a ladybird called Gaston in it but it talks like Millie and piddles like a boy dog. Grandad gets a bit confused, well a bit more than normal. After a little while, I slept. Actually I hibernated for ages but downstairs on the long chair, not in bed as I kept waking up.
In the Spring when I reappeared, I could've eaten an orse but grandad didn't have any in the fridge (he said Frenchies do though), so he made me a sarnie. I was like a new person, altitude sickness seemed to have eased and once again I could pop without the obligatory follow through and all seemed hunky dory again.
Mummy escaped from work early, grandad threw me at her and escaped twice as quickly and all was back to normal (ish).
Just a mini-blog for this unscheduled appointment
Laters
DOGG
Tuesday, 11 February 2014
Well, WHAT a day we had today. I competed in the Snowy Lympics.
Our walk in town was fun in the morning as I walked with granddad rather than drove the buggy. On the way in, grandad drove around the back roads so I could see the big cranes that at working by the railway line. They are really big and I love them.
In town, I had to hold on to grandads hand in case he ran away or into the road as he's so unpredictable at his age. At one point, an old man called out to me "Hello fella, is that your doggy?" and I answered with a great big yes and a jolly good smile. The man laughed and said I had a lovely smile as he chuckled whilst he waddled across the road, narrowly avoiding a big lorry as he did. I'm not sure if he'd been drinking out of those brown paper bags or puffing on one of those funny smokey sticks but he seemed happy nonetheless.
All was going really well until we got around by the road you can't drive down, we walked past Ellie's shop but no Ellie to smile and wave to, we went past Ryan's bank and then onto the Broady Street road. As we walked near the alley that smells we came across a huge lamp post type of thing and for reasons that I have no idea about, I let go of grandads hand (its ok nanna, I made sure he was safe first) and simply hugged the lamp post!! It was wider than grandad (honestly it was, I know that sounds like a makey up bit but it really was) but I just cuddled it. Not for the first time today, an old man laughed at me and said he never seen that before. Grandad laughed, scratched his head and prised me from my new found friend and off we went. I had some very sleepy eyes and at one stage, I closed them whilst walking and I nearly fell over - grandad said it was time we made our way home!! Once in the car, I was asleep before we'd even left the car park.
After my sleep and after dinner, we watched a bit of Peppa Pig and she was on a skiing trip. We then watched some snowy games on the telly from a place called Socky or something which is in a very white place. This gave us an idea. Grandad was going to teach me to ski and we would compete in our very own Winter Lympics!!! He showed me the men on the telly and then showed me how to ski in his socks over the floor. Millie thought it was fun to and she tried to bite grandad's toes. It looked great fun so I tried. Forwards, backwards and in minutes I was going sideways too. I did fall down a few times but our heavy training schedule meant we would be ready to compete by tea-time.
First event was the slalom and I have to say that grandad was marginally better than me but I realised this was because he doesn't have those little patches on the bottom of his socks like I have - the little ones for extra grip. I know he is a more professional front room floor skier than me but I was still learning. He can run through the front room and slide right through the kitchen (unless Millie had caught his foot!). He had to go careful in case he bashed his noggin on the patio door though.
Our second event was more equal - it was the ice-floor-skating and my artistic impression scores were much better because I could pirouette and glide much more daintily than the blundering walrus I was up against.
When mummy and nanna came home, grandad said we should show them our new skills and we were done a well rehearsed Mens Doubles Synchro routine that was like watching one person in a mirror (albeit a small mirror reflection for my part). We were the best doubles team to grace the ice-floor that whole day, although not so much Torvill and Deane as more Orville The Duck!
We were both more than happy to compete once more, so grandad went first and our 'judges' scored him "4.5, 4.3". As I took to the ice-floor, I knew I had to be really on my game to beat him but once again, my near faultless display of ice-floor-skating was a joy to behold and both mummy and nanna laughed with delight as they scored me "5.8, 5.8" for another medal winning performance. After grandad had gone to work, I showed mummy and nanna my speed ice-floor-skating as I went round and round in circles like an Ice Skating Teddy Bear, swinging my arms like a demented monkey as I went.
That was it, my first and most definitely not my last attempt at skating and skiing. It was the bestest sports days so far.
Hasta la vista on la piste LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dogg
Our walk in town was fun in the morning as I walked with granddad rather than drove the buggy. On the way in, grandad drove around the back roads so I could see the big cranes that at working by the railway line. They are really big and I love them.
In town, I had to hold on to grandads hand in case he ran away or into the road as he's so unpredictable at his age. At one point, an old man called out to me "Hello fella, is that your doggy?" and I answered with a great big yes and a jolly good smile. The man laughed and said I had a lovely smile as he chuckled whilst he waddled across the road, narrowly avoiding a big lorry as he did. I'm not sure if he'd been drinking out of those brown paper bags or puffing on one of those funny smokey sticks but he seemed happy nonetheless.
All was going really well until we got around by the road you can't drive down, we walked past Ellie's shop but no Ellie to smile and wave to, we went past Ryan's bank and then onto the Broady Street road. As we walked near the alley that smells we came across a huge lamp post type of thing and for reasons that I have no idea about, I let go of grandads hand (its ok nanna, I made sure he was safe first) and simply hugged the lamp post!! It was wider than grandad (honestly it was, I know that sounds like a makey up bit but it really was) but I just cuddled it. Not for the first time today, an old man laughed at me and said he never seen that before. Grandad laughed, scratched his head and prised me from my new found friend and off we went. I had some very sleepy eyes and at one stage, I closed them whilst walking and I nearly fell over - grandad said it was time we made our way home!! Once in the car, I was asleep before we'd even left the car park.
After my sleep and after dinner, we watched a bit of Peppa Pig and she was on a skiing trip. We then watched some snowy games on the telly from a place called Socky or something which is in a very white place. This gave us an idea. Grandad was going to teach me to ski and we would compete in our very own Winter Lympics!!! He showed me the men on the telly and then showed me how to ski in his socks over the floor. Millie thought it was fun to and she tried to bite grandad's toes. It looked great fun so I tried. Forwards, backwards and in minutes I was going sideways too. I did fall down a few times but our heavy training schedule meant we would be ready to compete by tea-time.
First event was the slalom and I have to say that grandad was marginally better than me but I realised this was because he doesn't have those little patches on the bottom of his socks like I have - the little ones for extra grip. I know he is a more professional front room floor skier than me but I was still learning. He can run through the front room and slide right through the kitchen (unless Millie had caught his foot!). He had to go careful in case he bashed his noggin on the patio door though.
Our second event was more equal - it was the ice-floor-skating and my artistic impression scores were much better because I could pirouette and glide much more daintily than the blundering walrus I was up against.
When mummy and nanna came home, grandad said we should show them our new skills and we were done a well rehearsed Mens Doubles Synchro routine that was like watching one person in a mirror (albeit a small mirror reflection for my part). We were the best doubles team to grace the ice-floor that whole day, although not so much Torvill and Deane as more Orville The Duck!
We were both more than happy to compete once more, so grandad went first and our 'judges' scored him "4.5, 4.3". As I took to the ice-floor, I knew I had to be really on my game to beat him but once again, my near faultless display of ice-floor-skating was a joy to behold and both mummy and nanna laughed with delight as they scored me "5.8, 5.8" for another medal winning performance. After grandad had gone to work, I showed mummy and nanna my speed ice-floor-skating as I went round and round in circles like an Ice Skating Teddy Bear, swinging my arms like a demented monkey as I went.
That was it, my first and most definitely not my last attempt at skating and skiing. It was the bestest sports days so far.
Hasta la vista on la piste LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dogg
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
We had outside play today at grandad's, back in the little house in the garden with my kitchen in it. I made us both some onion, carrot and banana soup with broccoli and Rice Krispies for our main course. Pud was more Rice Krispies and CocoPops with some small stones and water from the water butt thing outside. Hmmmmmm.
I then drove around the garden in my red car, chasing Millie until she ran indoors. I filled my wheeliebarrow up with some of the stones and then grandad let me throw the stones in the water butt thing - well, when I say he let me throw them, he actually said 'don't throw them' then he said 'Ok just the one'. What my beloved grandad has failed to remember is that I don't really understand all my numbers yet. Everything used to be six and I used this to my advantage as I threw all the stones in the water butt thing - SPLASH!!! - they went, so I then went back and got some more whilst grandad banged his head against the garage wall.
It was just before dinner when me, grandad and Millie went for a walk. Grandad had got me to decorate a piece of card to use as a birthday card, he's such a cheapyscater. We had to post the letter for the birthday person grandad knows and it had to be posted before tea time. Personally, with me walking alongside, I think we should've left a little earlier - like yesterday but we got there before it got too dark and I popped the letter in the post box. OMG (that's street talk for blooming 'eck) I thought as we walked back down the road and past two Chinese ladies as grandad shouted out to them.
"Kung Hei Fat Choi" he said as I held my head in my hands anticipating a return volley of abuse from the two little old ladies. I wasn't disappointed!
"Ah so" one of them shouted back. She couldn't pronounce it quite right but I knew what she was calling him even in my tender years. To be honest grandad, you asked for that. You can't go around calling anyone a fat anything, it just isn't cricket - or ping pong as this case may be LOL😆.
I was mildly surprised by the way the ladies hurled the abuse back but kept a lovely smile and gave a dainty wave too, as if they knew grandad. Apparently it was Chinese New Year on Jan 31st and everyone born in China this year will be a horse. Next year a goat and then a minkey.
Back home, grandad's mummy (nanny Vi) popped over to see us quickly and she brought me a fluffy Millie toy to take home. It's so cuddly and has no teeth so it's a bit friendlier towards cats and birds in the garden. We grabbed some lunch then I done a little bit of scribbling before grandad showed me how to make a lantern for the Chinese people he'd abused earlier to celebrate their New Year as some form of peace offering, I suppose. It was rubbish because when we finished it, I put some crayons in it and they fell through the bottom. Grandad said that's how they should be but I can't see the point of that at all!! What can you carry in it? Stupid lantern so I squashed it.
Once again our weekly episode of Hells Bells Kitchen involved the smashing up of eggs and some chickens when powder flavouring stuff. Grandad put two stickers on his fingers and sang "Two Little Dicky Birds" which was funny and he made them disappear then come back again - he's a clever grandad. We also cut up some white broccoli looking stuff and put it in the taitor boily pot. After they had cooked, we chopped up the taitors and put them in the pot too. Grandad pinched a bit of chicken and gave it to Millie but I don't mind as I share my dinner with her anyway - Millie loves me.
After dinner, both mummy and daddy came to get me and after they'd had their tea, nanna let me take Millie's old lead with me so my Millie didn't run off. Grandad said we're going upmarket soon but I've no idea what he's on about as usual. He's such hard work at times but he's quite safe to let out on his own once it's dark.
Catch ya later........
Dogg
I then drove around the garden in my red car, chasing Millie until she ran indoors. I filled my wheeliebarrow up with some of the stones and then grandad let me throw the stones in the water butt thing - well, when I say he let me throw them, he actually said 'don't throw them' then he said 'Ok just the one'. What my beloved grandad has failed to remember is that I don't really understand all my numbers yet. Everything used to be six and I used this to my advantage as I threw all the stones in the water butt thing - SPLASH!!! - they went, so I then went back and got some more whilst grandad banged his head against the garage wall.
It was just before dinner when me, grandad and Millie went for a walk. Grandad had got me to decorate a piece of card to use as a birthday card, he's such a cheapyscater. We had to post the letter for the birthday person grandad knows and it had to be posted before tea time. Personally, with me walking alongside, I think we should've left a little earlier - like yesterday but we got there before it got too dark and I popped the letter in the post box. OMG (that's street talk for blooming 'eck) I thought as we walked back down the road and past two Chinese ladies as grandad shouted out to them.
"Kung Hei Fat Choi" he said as I held my head in my hands anticipating a return volley of abuse from the two little old ladies. I wasn't disappointed!
"Ah so" one of them shouted back. She couldn't pronounce it quite right but I knew what she was calling him even in my tender years. To be honest grandad, you asked for that. You can't go around calling anyone a fat anything, it just isn't cricket - or ping pong as this case may be LOL😆.
I was mildly surprised by the way the ladies hurled the abuse back but kept a lovely smile and gave a dainty wave too, as if they knew grandad. Apparently it was Chinese New Year on Jan 31st and everyone born in China this year will be a horse. Next year a goat and then a minkey.
Back home, grandad's mummy (nanny Vi) popped over to see us quickly and she brought me a fluffy Millie toy to take home. It's so cuddly and has no teeth so it's a bit friendlier towards cats and birds in the garden. We grabbed some lunch then I done a little bit of scribbling before grandad showed me how to make a lantern for the Chinese people he'd abused earlier to celebrate their New Year as some form of peace offering, I suppose. It was rubbish because when we finished it, I put some crayons in it and they fell through the bottom. Grandad said that's how they should be but I can't see the point of that at all!! What can you carry in it? Stupid lantern so I squashed it.
Once again our weekly episode of Hells Bells Kitchen involved the smashing up of eggs and some chickens when powder flavouring stuff. Grandad put two stickers on his fingers and sang "Two Little Dicky Birds" which was funny and he made them disappear then come back again - he's a clever grandad. We also cut up some white broccoli looking stuff and put it in the taitor boily pot. After they had cooked, we chopped up the taitors and put them in the pot too. Grandad pinched a bit of chicken and gave it to Millie but I don't mind as I share my dinner with her anyway - Millie loves me.
After dinner, both mummy and daddy came to get me and after they'd had their tea, nanna let me take Millie's old lead with me so my Millie didn't run off. Grandad said we're going upmarket soon but I've no idea what he's on about as usual. He's such hard work at times but he's quite safe to let out on his own once it's dark.
Catch ya later........
Dogg
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
Today, me and grandad turned into delivery drivers as we had to get some sand for nanna's school. Grandad used to deliver sand in a previous job so he know what we had to do - or so I thought. We left our 'cab mutt' at home for a little sleep and we headed for a place called Homebase. We had a look around but couldn't find any sand at all. I found a balloon I liked but grandad decided I didn't want it and took it off me.
We then got in the car and went to Wickes and the lady said they didn't do it but try the shop across the road. This was simply a diversionary tactic so she could slope off for a fag or something as the other shop called something like Bum didn't have any either, in fact it didn't have anything at all other than cheapo skanky stuff. Grandad then called a shop near where he lives and they had some so why didn't we try the nearest place first. Loaded securely in the car, we set off for nanna's school just in time for kicking out time and we had to wait for all the mummies and daddies to get their cheerful offspring one by one.
The teacher lady had a worried look on her face when she'd got rid of all the kids but still had an 'adult' waiting there but it was me and grandad and we were dropping off rather than picking up. We asked for nanna and she came out and took me to see Teacher Dolly who I've seen before, she's really nice but looked like crap as she was a bit crook. Grandad took the sandy bags in and put them on the floor. We said hello's then goodbye's and made our way for a real truckers dinner (lunch in the new language).
For the first time that grandad is aware of, I went to a well-known fast food outlet for dinner today. Grandad was in need of some fulfilment in the belly department so took it upon himself to take us into this local culinary establishment. It was quite a disagreeable place in a pleasant sort of way with customers ranging from old folk popping in for a hasty grease-laden snack and a wonder as to what all the fuss is about to school kids who looked like they'd come in to get out of the rain for something to do or more likely, something not to do. Most of them seemed to be texting friends on the next table for some strange reason - why weren't they at school???
My part in this seemed to be a strange joke because whilst grandad sat there with his double-triple nipple cow burger, biggy fries and the obligatory gallon of coke (4.5 litres in new money) plus a cup of coffee, I had to be content with a sandwich he'd made me earlier. He said he was doing me a favour as this type of good was bad for you. Looking at his 'roof-over-the-toolshed' he may have a point. Now for some reason known only to himself, he has to put his fries in the empty half of the burger box and whilst he was arranging his 'plate', he knocked some salt from an opened sachet all over the table much to the amusement of the school kids. After some tutting and cursing he brushed the salt onto the floor with the back of his hand and in doing so, with one hefty swipe, he knocked his cup of coffee all over our table, the floor and the adjoining table which was occupied by an elderly couple. The old lady shrieked in such a high pitch that all the dogs in town took note and the old man jumped and in doing so, he too, knocked his drink all over himself and the lady. It was like watching a synchronised food fight in slow motion whilst I happily ate my sandwich. By now, everyone giggled as they watched the pair of old men clean up the mess. Grandad ate his burger and fries like a man ending a hunger strike and we left with him still eating it on the move whilst gulping mouthfuls of fizzy coke at the same time. I just know that he's going to have one of those burps where your nose fizzes.
Once again for some reason known only to the old fella, we parked in town rather than on the edge where it was free. This change of car park provided its own challenge as it took nearly four days to get around to the barrier on the way out because traffic was queued up in front and even more behind. Now then, as mentioned before, grandad usually parks in the freebie car park where we simply put my buggy in the boot and drive home, so it became quite an adventure when we got to the barrier and grandad wore the kind of expression on his face that usually leads to the disclosure of a monumental cock-up. He fiddled around in his pocket for the car park ticket and eventually found it.
"Phew....." he said, "....that could've been embarrassing".
I looked at him in the middle mirror and his expression changed from one of mild shock to a full blown WTF?!?!?!?! It dawned on him that he hadn't paid the car park at the Pay Station UPSTAIRS. With three quarters of the departing cars queued up in our lane behind us, it wasn't long before a little frustration became apparent amongst the other drivers. What started off as the odd parp of cars horns became a glorious car-horn rendition of the national anthem throughout the ever increasing queue. Those who had paid were now in danger of running out of time before they could exit so they too would be in a degree of similar discomfort at the barrier. Grandad pressed the button by the barrier for assistance and a little man inside the box answered with the enthusiasm of an inmate on Death Row.
"Yes" said the condemned man.
"Sorry to bother you but I'm at the barrier and I appear to have forgotten to pay my ticket" replied my apologetic grandad.
"I know where you are sir. You'll need to go upstairs and pay the charge before you can get out" said the man.
"I do have rather a lot of traffic behind me, I may cause some frustration"
"I'm aware of that sir but you made the balls up so you sort it out, you silly old fart"
He didn't really say that bit but you could tell that here we had a man who clearly hated both his job and anyone stupid enough not to pay for their car park ticket properly. As grandad started to get out, another man in a big bright jacket approached us.
"Forget to pay did you?" he laughed.
"Not at all" grandad replied "I thought I'd stop here to take some photos to remind me of the wonderful time we've had. Thought we'd take on some little jovialities with my fellow shoppers, you sarcastic turd". He may have just said a snivelling 'Sorry' but I could tell grandad wasn't a man to be messed about with.
The man entered a card into the machine and, much to our delight, he let us out for no charge other than ten minutes of utter embarrassment. Barrier raised, we left the car park and no doubt Sebastian Vettel trailing in our wake as we launched our way home leaving a trail of burning rubber.
Once home, I managed to do something that grandad is very good at. He's an expert and its obviously rubbing off on me. I was sat doing some drawing when we heard a little 'pop'. Now this is the same as one of grandad's but a smaller version. Dogg pops, daddy blows off, grandad farts. Grandad asked me if I'd done a pop and I told him it was Millie. All blame was passed on to the defenceless canine!! Later on whilst sat on the worktop getting my shoes on, I took the 'popping' to the next phase and I'm sure grandad will get the blame for it even though he never does such a thing - I looked at grandad then leant slightly to one side and done another 'pop'. A proper professional, slanty angled pop! Grandad done one of his laughs where he tries not to let me see him but I was a step ahead and I caught him sniggering.
Tea was nice - salmon with some of that rice stuff that looks like maggots and pretty much tasted the same too. It was still good and I pinched some of mummy's when she got home.
Ta-rah for now chucks....
Dogg
We then got in the car and went to Wickes and the lady said they didn't do it but try the shop across the road. This was simply a diversionary tactic so she could slope off for a fag or something as the other shop called something like Bum didn't have any either, in fact it didn't have anything at all other than cheapo skanky stuff. Grandad then called a shop near where he lives and they had some so why didn't we try the nearest place first. Loaded securely in the car, we set off for nanna's school just in time for kicking out time and we had to wait for all the mummies and daddies to get their cheerful offspring one by one.
The teacher lady had a worried look on her face when she'd got rid of all the kids but still had an 'adult' waiting there but it was me and grandad and we were dropping off rather than picking up. We asked for nanna and she came out and took me to see Teacher Dolly who I've seen before, she's really nice but looked like crap as she was a bit crook. Grandad took the sandy bags in and put them on the floor. We said hello's then goodbye's and made our way for a real truckers dinner (lunch in the new language).
For the first time that grandad is aware of, I went to a well-known fast food outlet for dinner today. Grandad was in need of some fulfilment in the belly department so took it upon himself to take us into this local culinary establishment. It was quite a disagreeable place in a pleasant sort of way with customers ranging from old folk popping in for a hasty grease-laden snack and a wonder as to what all the fuss is about to school kids who looked like they'd come in to get out of the rain for something to do or more likely, something not to do. Most of them seemed to be texting friends on the next table for some strange reason - why weren't they at school???
My part in this seemed to be a strange joke because whilst grandad sat there with his double-triple nipple cow burger, biggy fries and the obligatory gallon of coke (4.5 litres in new money) plus a cup of coffee, I had to be content with a sandwich he'd made me earlier. He said he was doing me a favour as this type of good was bad for you. Looking at his 'roof-over-the-toolshed' he may have a point. Now for some reason known only to himself, he has to put his fries in the empty half of the burger box and whilst he was arranging his 'plate', he knocked some salt from an opened sachet all over the table much to the amusement of the school kids. After some tutting and cursing he brushed the salt onto the floor with the back of his hand and in doing so, with one hefty swipe, he knocked his cup of coffee all over our table, the floor and the adjoining table which was occupied by an elderly couple. The old lady shrieked in such a high pitch that all the dogs in town took note and the old man jumped and in doing so, he too, knocked his drink all over himself and the lady. It was like watching a synchronised food fight in slow motion whilst I happily ate my sandwich. By now, everyone giggled as they watched the pair of old men clean up the mess. Grandad ate his burger and fries like a man ending a hunger strike and we left with him still eating it on the move whilst gulping mouthfuls of fizzy coke at the same time. I just know that he's going to have one of those burps where your nose fizzes.
Once again for some reason known only to the old fella, we parked in town rather than on the edge where it was free. This change of car park provided its own challenge as it took nearly four days to get around to the barrier on the way out because traffic was queued up in front and even more behind. Now then, as mentioned before, grandad usually parks in the freebie car park where we simply put my buggy in the boot and drive home, so it became quite an adventure when we got to the barrier and grandad wore the kind of expression on his face that usually leads to the disclosure of a monumental cock-up. He fiddled around in his pocket for the car park ticket and eventually found it.
"Phew....." he said, "....that could've been embarrassing".
I looked at him in the middle mirror and his expression changed from one of mild shock to a full blown WTF?!?!?!?! It dawned on him that he hadn't paid the car park at the Pay Station UPSTAIRS. With three quarters of the departing cars queued up in our lane behind us, it wasn't long before a little frustration became apparent amongst the other drivers. What started off as the odd parp of cars horns became a glorious car-horn rendition of the national anthem throughout the ever increasing queue. Those who had paid were now in danger of running out of time before they could exit so they too would be in a degree of similar discomfort at the barrier. Grandad pressed the button by the barrier for assistance and a little man inside the box answered with the enthusiasm of an inmate on Death Row.
"Yes" said the condemned man.
"Sorry to bother you but I'm at the barrier and I appear to have forgotten to pay my ticket" replied my apologetic grandad.
"I know where you are sir. You'll need to go upstairs and pay the charge before you can get out" said the man.
"I do have rather a lot of traffic behind me, I may cause some frustration"
"I'm aware of that sir but you made the balls up so you sort it out, you silly old fart"
He didn't really say that bit but you could tell that here we had a man who clearly hated both his job and anyone stupid enough not to pay for their car park ticket properly. As grandad started to get out, another man in a big bright jacket approached us.
"Forget to pay did you?" he laughed.
"Not at all" grandad replied "I thought I'd stop here to take some photos to remind me of the wonderful time we've had. Thought we'd take on some little jovialities with my fellow shoppers, you sarcastic turd". He may have just said a snivelling 'Sorry' but I could tell grandad wasn't a man to be messed about with.
The man entered a card into the machine and, much to our delight, he let us out for no charge other than ten minutes of utter embarrassment. Barrier raised, we left the car park and no doubt Sebastian Vettel trailing in our wake as we launched our way home leaving a trail of burning rubber.
Once home, I managed to do something that grandad is very good at. He's an expert and its obviously rubbing off on me. I was sat doing some drawing when we heard a little 'pop'. Now this is the same as one of grandad's but a smaller version. Dogg pops, daddy blows off, grandad farts. Grandad asked me if I'd done a pop and I told him it was Millie. All blame was passed on to the defenceless canine!! Later on whilst sat on the worktop getting my shoes on, I took the 'popping' to the next phase and I'm sure grandad will get the blame for it even though he never does such a thing - I looked at grandad then leant slightly to one side and done another 'pop'. A proper professional, slanty angled pop! Grandad done one of his laughs where he tries not to let me see him but I was a step ahead and I caught him sniggering.
Tea was nice - salmon with some of that rice stuff that looks like maggots and pretty much tasted the same too. It was still good and I pinched some of mummy's when she got home.
Ta-rah for now chucks....
Dogg
Monday, 20 January 2014
Today's the day the teddy bears had their picnic - WRONG. Today's the day The Dogg was leader of the pack. Well, in all honesty, The Dogg is leader of the pack every day and I draw on this conclusion by the fact that I call the shots around here. Today was a little different though because our daily walk was just that - a walk.
Grandad parked the car at the scavvy car park near Iceland (which isn't as far from town as it looks in the atlas) and then got the buggy out of the back. He carefully got it ready, taking time to make sure the warm quilty bit lined up with all the other straps, then he unzipped it ready to accommodate it's ever ready passenger but today, the ever ready passenger wasn't ever ready. When grandad put my biggy jacket on me, I told him I was going to walk today.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah" I could hear him thinking out aloud as he picked me up like a sack of small potatoes and attempted to put me carefully into my buggy. Now you've all heard the funny stories about tiny tots going into that state of rigidness that defies all logic but I've now managed to perfect this art with varying degrees of success. Today was one of those good days and my statue state posed enormous problems for grandad. I managed to go sooooooo solid that I slipped right out of the buggy like I was a plank of wood. He asked me nicely to get into the buggy but had no joy. He asked me not so nicely to get into the buggy and had equal success. He isn't easily swayed normally but like the football team he supports (West Ham), he gave in quicker than they did at Man City last week. I waited like a little soldier whilst he put the buggy back into the boot of the car and I heard him say 'bloody kids', 'bloody buggy', 'bloody dog' and 'this is going to take all bloody day' as he looked forward to our little stroll.
Now I use the word stroll lightly, very lightly. I held grandad's hand as we walked up the slope for Millie to have her first wee and then we came to the zebra crossing. A man in a van stopped to let us cross although I'm not sure he wanted to. It didn't take long though and we waved at the man as he left. He seemed quite a nice man as he waved back. Then we walked over the bridge with the cars whooshing underneath at 200mph and as I watched them, it made me go all dizzy. We crossed the next zebra crossing with no trouble, no traffic and we walked around the corner.
"CRANE!!!!!" I shouted as the one with the floppy top came into view. Grandad jumped and after he'd changed his nappy, we carried on into town at the pace of a icy glacier. Lots of people said we looked cute, a very observant point for which I take all the credit. We stopped at some pretty lights and grandad said we had to wait for a green man. Well I looked everywhere but I couldn't see a green man anywhere. There were lots of brown ones from Asia, a few black ones the West Indies, some white ones from England and Poland and two orange girls from Essex but not once did I see a green one but we crossed the road all the same. The lights changed about seven times before we got to the other side and the traffic stretched right up to Hemel Hempstead but we made it safely.
All this time I was carefully holding grandad's hand, even when I jumped in the puddles but when we walked into Ellie's Haircut shop road, I told grandad I wasn't holding his hand anymore. I'm a big boy now and it's time to give me space. I was still good but grandad wasn't keen on not having hold of me. I went to the cold marble seat by Boots and asked grandad to sit next to me. After a short time, his bum got cold and we made our way back through town. Grandad said I had to hold his hand or be carried so I opted for the carry for a while. I got back down and we walked back holding hands again. Finally, back in the car, we headed home. All this walking mullarky made me a tad tired and I was asleep in seconds. Next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed at grandad's with Millie laying on the floor next to my bed. Grandad came and got me and my dinner was ready when I got downstairs. As I said, leader of the pack - or so I thought. I need to look into the criteria for child labour and will be in contact with ChildLine in the near future because after my dinner I had to wash up!! I washed my plate, fork and poon and then put them back in the water. Grandad pulled a funny face and so I done it again - and again. I even washed up Millie's bowl because she can't do it as she's just a dog.
Grandad just doesn't get Peppa Pig. He can't see what us kids see in it but he sat with me whilst we watched it for a little while all the same. He says things like nobody can eat pancakes like that and Mr Bull wouldn't be that nice if he was a real builder blokey. He just doesn't get it because he grew up with Thunderbirds and Tom & Jerry, daddy had Ninja Turtles (which was a cartoon and not a bowel movement complaint).
We done our Hells Kitchen act as normal and sorted the evening meals for me, mum and dad and for Ronnie and Reggie too and that was about it apart from the great big lorry grandad got down from the scary room in the roof. It was massive and I can easily sit in the back although it does tip me straight back out onto the floor. It moved all my bricks in one big go, it was brilliant.
That's it for now, my trusty followers......
Dogg
Grandad parked the car at the scavvy car park near Iceland (which isn't as far from town as it looks in the atlas) and then got the buggy out of the back. He carefully got it ready, taking time to make sure the warm quilty bit lined up with all the other straps, then he unzipped it ready to accommodate it's ever ready passenger but today, the ever ready passenger wasn't ever ready. When grandad put my biggy jacket on me, I told him I was going to walk today.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah" I could hear him thinking out aloud as he picked me up like a sack of small potatoes and attempted to put me carefully into my buggy. Now you've all heard the funny stories about tiny tots going into that state of rigidness that defies all logic but I've now managed to perfect this art with varying degrees of success. Today was one of those good days and my statue state posed enormous problems for grandad. I managed to go sooooooo solid that I slipped right out of the buggy like I was a plank of wood. He asked me nicely to get into the buggy but had no joy. He asked me not so nicely to get into the buggy and had equal success. He isn't easily swayed normally but like the football team he supports (West Ham), he gave in quicker than they did at Man City last week. I waited like a little soldier whilst he put the buggy back into the boot of the car and I heard him say 'bloody kids', 'bloody buggy', 'bloody dog' and 'this is going to take all bloody day' as he looked forward to our little stroll.
Now I use the word stroll lightly, very lightly. I held grandad's hand as we walked up the slope for Millie to have her first wee and then we came to the zebra crossing. A man in a van stopped to let us cross although I'm not sure he wanted to. It didn't take long though and we waved at the man as he left. He seemed quite a nice man as he waved back. Then we walked over the bridge with the cars whooshing underneath at 200mph and as I watched them, it made me go all dizzy. We crossed the next zebra crossing with no trouble, no traffic and we walked around the corner.
"CRANE!!!!!" I shouted as the one with the floppy top came into view. Grandad jumped and after he'd changed his nappy, we carried on into town at the pace of a icy glacier. Lots of people said we looked cute, a very observant point for which I take all the credit. We stopped at some pretty lights and grandad said we had to wait for a green man. Well I looked everywhere but I couldn't see a green man anywhere. There were lots of brown ones from Asia, a few black ones the West Indies, some white ones from England and Poland and two orange girls from Essex but not once did I see a green one but we crossed the road all the same. The lights changed about seven times before we got to the other side and the traffic stretched right up to Hemel Hempstead but we made it safely.
All this time I was carefully holding grandad's hand, even when I jumped in the puddles but when we walked into Ellie's Haircut shop road, I told grandad I wasn't holding his hand anymore. I'm a big boy now and it's time to give me space. I was still good but grandad wasn't keen on not having hold of me. I went to the cold marble seat by Boots and asked grandad to sit next to me. After a short time, his bum got cold and we made our way back through town. Grandad said I had to hold his hand or be carried so I opted for the carry for a while. I got back down and we walked back holding hands again. Finally, back in the car, we headed home. All this walking mullarky made me a tad tired and I was asleep in seconds. Next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed at grandad's with Millie laying on the floor next to my bed. Grandad came and got me and my dinner was ready when I got downstairs. As I said, leader of the pack - or so I thought. I need to look into the criteria for child labour and will be in contact with ChildLine in the near future because after my dinner I had to wash up!! I washed my plate, fork and poon and then put them back in the water. Grandad pulled a funny face and so I done it again - and again. I even washed up Millie's bowl because she can't do it as she's just a dog.
Grandad just doesn't get Peppa Pig. He can't see what us kids see in it but he sat with me whilst we watched it for a little while all the same. He says things like nobody can eat pancakes like that and Mr Bull wouldn't be that nice if he was a real builder blokey. He just doesn't get it because he grew up with Thunderbirds and Tom & Jerry, daddy had Ninja Turtles (which was a cartoon and not a bowel movement complaint).
We done our Hells Kitchen act as normal and sorted the evening meals for me, mum and dad and for Ronnie and Reggie too and that was about it apart from the great big lorry grandad got down from the scary room in the roof. It was massive and I can easily sit in the back although it does tip me straight back out onto the floor. It moved all my bricks in one big go, it was brilliant.
That's it for now, my trusty followers......
Dogg
Wednesday, 15 January 2014
Sorry for the delay but me and grandad have been a little busy after our usual Monday bonding session. Apart from grandad day, I'm now working full time at the childkeepers house with my mates Tuesday to Friday. I used to have Friday with mummy but she got a good deal in the January transfer market so I'm now out all week. It has to be said that I'm getting paid no more for the extra day but in all fairness, I'm getting no less either.
Back to Monday, well what a performance we had this week. I decided that today ALL the toys were coming out, not just a box or three but every single one of them - cars, bricks, haminals, books, teddies - everything. It was like a little stock-taking session. Brrrrrrrooooom went the cars and vans, "kak, kak, kak" went the little ducks in the books, all fall down went grandad's big brick tower. Grandad then went and spoilt it all by taking us into town for our walk, although this was still good fun. We had to stop in a garage to buy some 'juice' that makes the car go but grandad put a card in the juice pumper thing, filled up with about 79 pence worth of juice then drove off without paying the man in the little shed place. I felt like a criminal and kept checking behind us for the nah-nah's.
We parked in our usual place in town and walked past the little man with the limp, the men with the extra fat smokey sticks and the ladies who drink from brown paper bags and then on into town. Millie kept tugging at her lead but grandad wasn't too sure of what she wanted so we carried on with our walk. It was quite busy today although we were a bit later than normal and it was nearly dinner time. Grandad said that we should take Millie to the park with the big lion in so she could do number twos but as we made our way, Millie decided she wasn't going to make the big lion park and she tugged at her lead so hard that both me and grandad spun around like Torvill and Dean dancing on mice. She turned around nearly two times then arched her back in that funny way that dogs do and then she done it in the middle of town! As you may remember, she's done this before and it was embarrassing then, cars and buses were brought to a halt as she dolloped in the middle of the road. Grandad pulled her whilst in mid-motion (Millie not grandad - perish the thought of that!!!) but that only resulted in another less than ideal skid mark across the road. Today she eclipsed that by a very good margin. Today was right out of the top drawer of the embarrassing book. Millie had decided that enough was enough, her bowel movements needed to be moved and now was the time - right outside the restaurant called COSMO, slap bang in the middle of town but slap in the middle of LUNCHTIME! People seated in the middle and the back of the restaurant were oblivions to the mindless vandalism going on outside but the people sat by the window got full view of Millie's pouting rear end about to unload her sausage of waste right before their eyes. No doubt these same people asked to sit near the window for a better view and the management obliged accordingly. Young kids shouted and laughed as they pointed at the curly sausage unravelling before their eyes. Mums and dads looked at their plates of sausage casserole and slowly pushed them to one side. One old lady even put her glasses on to get a better view!!
This, of course, wasn't the end of it. Millie then done that thing that dogs do when they flick their legs backwards as though indicating the deed had been done - mission accomplished. As she flicked her leg backwards, she just managed to catch a bit of the cack and it flew at a pace that would've made Usain Bolt a very proud man, right into the middle of the restaurant window. I kid you not, Exorcet missiles don't have the same accuracy that this had. People at the table in direct line with the projectile jumped out of the way as if the soggy doggy turd was going to obliterate the window. Grandad went as red as red can be as he attempted to wipe it off but he only smudged it more so he dragged us all off at tremendous speed. After a while, a very short while, he began a small giggle which in turn became a louder laugh and before long tears were streaming down his eyes as people looked at him with a curious gaze.
With the trip to the big lion park now no longer required, we strolled around a little bit (using some back streets) before heading home. Grandad said that we would stop off at the park on the way home to give Millie an extra run. We went to a park where grandad used to live with nanna and we let Millie run around chasing her ball. On the way back, we had to cross a little ditch and as we did, grandad realised that Millie had left her ball on the other side. He left me and Millie as he ran around to get it. It was only 10/20 feet away but he decided that rather than use the little bridge, he would return via a dodgy looking plank that straddled the ditch. Now, people that know my grandad will see that he isn't as nimble as he once was. People that really know my grandad, may know that he never was in the first place but I'm too young to remember.
Only a fool would get halfway across a splintered plank and then stand up and raise his arms as though he'd won some sort of territorial victory. Me and Millie exchanged glances as we wondered what the hell he'd been drinking as he then continued the two steps to safety. TWO steps that's all it was. After one step the plank decided that it had had enough of this lumbering buffoon and as he stood slightly left of centre, the plank wobbled and grandad lost his footing and plunged downwards with one leg either side of the dislodged plank. With the crown jewels about to take the full force of a more than fully grown man, Mille, me and grandad had looks of impending doom etched on our faces but the depth of the ditch was no more than a foot or so and needless hours of pain and discomfort were avoided. I told grandad it was time to return to the relative safety of home and we trudged back to the car.
To be honest, the rest of the day was little more than a blur. We waited for mummy to come home before we ate our dinner together which is always nice. Nanna returned home and we had a chat and a giggle before grandad had to get ready for work. God only knows what is in store for us next week and I trust we'll all get through another day in a good degree of safety. More poor mummy is going to have kittens when she sees what I have to put up with each week.
Until next week, my ever faithful followers.........
Dogg
Back to Monday, well what a performance we had this week. I decided that today ALL the toys were coming out, not just a box or three but every single one of them - cars, bricks, haminals, books, teddies - everything. It was like a little stock-taking session. Brrrrrrrooooom went the cars and vans, "kak, kak, kak" went the little ducks in the books, all fall down went grandad's big brick tower. Grandad then went and spoilt it all by taking us into town for our walk, although this was still good fun. We had to stop in a garage to buy some 'juice' that makes the car go but grandad put a card in the juice pumper thing, filled up with about 79 pence worth of juice then drove off without paying the man in the little shed place. I felt like a criminal and kept checking behind us for the nah-nah's.
We parked in our usual place in town and walked past the little man with the limp, the men with the extra fat smokey sticks and the ladies who drink from brown paper bags and then on into town. Millie kept tugging at her lead but grandad wasn't too sure of what she wanted so we carried on with our walk. It was quite busy today although we were a bit later than normal and it was nearly dinner time. Grandad said that we should take Millie to the park with the big lion in so she could do number twos but as we made our way, Millie decided she wasn't going to make the big lion park and she tugged at her lead so hard that both me and grandad spun around like Torvill and Dean dancing on mice. She turned around nearly two times then arched her back in that funny way that dogs do and then she done it in the middle of town! As you may remember, she's done this before and it was embarrassing then, cars and buses were brought to a halt as she dolloped in the middle of the road. Grandad pulled her whilst in mid-motion (Millie not grandad - perish the thought of that!!!) but that only resulted in another less than ideal skid mark across the road. Today she eclipsed that by a very good margin. Today was right out of the top drawer of the embarrassing book. Millie had decided that enough was enough, her bowel movements needed to be moved and now was the time - right outside the restaurant called COSMO, slap bang in the middle of town but slap in the middle of LUNCHTIME! People seated in the middle and the back of the restaurant were oblivions to the mindless vandalism going on outside but the people sat by the window got full view of Millie's pouting rear end about to unload her sausage of waste right before their eyes. No doubt these same people asked to sit near the window for a better view and the management obliged accordingly. Young kids shouted and laughed as they pointed at the curly sausage unravelling before their eyes. Mums and dads looked at their plates of sausage casserole and slowly pushed them to one side. One old lady even put her glasses on to get a better view!!
This, of course, wasn't the end of it. Millie then done that thing that dogs do when they flick their legs backwards as though indicating the deed had been done - mission accomplished. As she flicked her leg backwards, she just managed to catch a bit of the cack and it flew at a pace that would've made Usain Bolt a very proud man, right into the middle of the restaurant window. I kid you not, Exorcet missiles don't have the same accuracy that this had. People at the table in direct line with the projectile jumped out of the way as if the soggy doggy turd was going to obliterate the window. Grandad went as red as red can be as he attempted to wipe it off but he only smudged it more so he dragged us all off at tremendous speed. After a while, a very short while, he began a small giggle which in turn became a louder laugh and before long tears were streaming down his eyes as people looked at him with a curious gaze.
With the trip to the big lion park now no longer required, we strolled around a little bit (using some back streets) before heading home. Grandad said that we would stop off at the park on the way home to give Millie an extra run. We went to a park where grandad used to live with nanna and we let Millie run around chasing her ball. On the way back, we had to cross a little ditch and as we did, grandad realised that Millie had left her ball on the other side. He left me and Millie as he ran around to get it. It was only 10/20 feet away but he decided that rather than use the little bridge, he would return via a dodgy looking plank that straddled the ditch. Now, people that know my grandad will see that he isn't as nimble as he once was. People that really know my grandad, may know that he never was in the first place but I'm too young to remember.
Only a fool would get halfway across a splintered plank and then stand up and raise his arms as though he'd won some sort of territorial victory. Me and Millie exchanged glances as we wondered what the hell he'd been drinking as he then continued the two steps to safety. TWO steps that's all it was. After one step the plank decided that it had had enough of this lumbering buffoon and as he stood slightly left of centre, the plank wobbled and grandad lost his footing and plunged downwards with one leg either side of the dislodged plank. With the crown jewels about to take the full force of a more than fully grown man, Mille, me and grandad had looks of impending doom etched on our faces but the depth of the ditch was no more than a foot or so and needless hours of pain and discomfort were avoided. I told grandad it was time to return to the relative safety of home and we trudged back to the car.
To be honest, the rest of the day was little more than a blur. We waited for mummy to come home before we ate our dinner together which is always nice. Nanna returned home and we had a chat and a giggle before grandad had to get ready for work. God only knows what is in store for us next week and I trust we'll all get through another day in a good degree of safety. More poor mummy is going to have kittens when she sees what I have to put up with each week.
Until next week, my ever faithful followers.........
Dogg
Tuesday, 7 January 2014
Mummy took me to town on Saturday to get me some new shoes and by all accounts, I was a little monkey.
As mummy walked me in town in my buggy, we met nanna and grandad coming towards us but this was only because they couldn't hide in time. They caught me mid-wobbler as I was trying to do a restrained-semi-pirouette in my buggy whilst practising for the evening episode of Splash!!! Grandad came over and talked to me to try and calm me down but failed miserably. Nanna had as much joy and then grandad took me out of me buggy and we walked off together. Listen to this - my grandad, who loves me quite a bit, told me I was naughty! All I wanted to do was take a little walk, I was getting new shoes and wanted the chance to wear my old ones out first.
In the shop, mummy and nanna took me to the shoe lady and then in walked nanny Jan and another lady. Grandad sat outside in the pouring rain with Millie as they sheltered from the icy rain drops that bounced off grandad's napper. I know he was quietly proud of me for using up a mummy, two nans, the other lady and half a dozen shoe shop assistants not much older than me - quite an expensive pair of shoes, he would chuckle. Back outside and whilst waiting, grandad was walking Millie in the raining ice cubes which really wasn't the best thing for a bald man to do.
Yesterday I was back at grandad's after his summer break and we had the bestest time for ages. Every Monday is usually good but yesterday was even betterer. I was an angel - my words, not grandad's. We played for ages with the digger and the dustbin lorry then I cooked the fruit bits in my kitchen pans. We took Millie for another walk in the rain but we went too far for me to want to walk so I sat quietly and enjoyed it. When we got back, grandad had some telly programme on where the men threw little spears. I don't think they were very good because they didn't score many points and all they were doing was throwing from one side of the telly to the other - I know because I saw it, 2 feet from one side to the other and they still missed!! Rubbish.
Peppa Pig?!! Grandad said Peppa Pig is stupid but is then quite happy to watch Tom and Jerry or Scooby Poo. I don't mind Tom and Jerry because they make ice cream (although I don't like ice cream) but Scooby Poo I'm not so sure about.
I made dinner whilst grandad put his feet up and then I got tea ready as well with some chicken in a spicy bag. We cut some taytoes up and warmed them up for me and mummy. We went into the garage to pick some vegtables out of the freezer and whilst in there, grandad turned on the twirly dryer thing and it scared the crap out of me. I jumped so high, I could've winned a Lympik medal in a single bound. After our spot of lunch, grandad made me wash up!! This wasn't too bad because I washed the bits then put them back in the bowl for him to do again. It was good fun and we only got the floor a little bit wet.
I was sooooooo hungry that I had my dinner before mummy came home and it never touched the sides. Grandad had some funny looking stuff but we happily ate away and talked about our day. Now this is something that I'm beginning to get better at, the art of conversation. Me and grandad spend ages talking about all sorts of things but I'm not sure whether I'm getting better or he's getting worse, either way we understand each other quite well. LOL!!
When mummy came home, I helped her eat her dinner too much to grandad's surprise. Nanna came home and I showed them all what a super boy I am. I enjoyed Christmas time but its good to be back to normal so until next week, I bid you farewell.
Dogg
As mummy walked me in town in my buggy, we met nanna and grandad coming towards us but this was only because they couldn't hide in time. They caught me mid-wobbler as I was trying to do a restrained-semi-pirouette in my buggy whilst practising for the evening episode of Splash!!! Grandad came over and talked to me to try and calm me down but failed miserably. Nanna had as much joy and then grandad took me out of me buggy and we walked off together. Listen to this - my grandad, who loves me quite a bit, told me I was naughty! All I wanted to do was take a little walk, I was getting new shoes and wanted the chance to wear my old ones out first.
In the shop, mummy and nanna took me to the shoe lady and then in walked nanny Jan and another lady. Grandad sat outside in the pouring rain with Millie as they sheltered from the icy rain drops that bounced off grandad's napper. I know he was quietly proud of me for using up a mummy, two nans, the other lady and half a dozen shoe shop assistants not much older than me - quite an expensive pair of shoes, he would chuckle. Back outside and whilst waiting, grandad was walking Millie in the raining ice cubes which really wasn't the best thing for a bald man to do.
Yesterday I was back at grandad's after his summer break and we had the bestest time for ages. Every Monday is usually good but yesterday was even betterer. I was an angel - my words, not grandad's. We played for ages with the digger and the dustbin lorry then I cooked the fruit bits in my kitchen pans. We took Millie for another walk in the rain but we went too far for me to want to walk so I sat quietly and enjoyed it. When we got back, grandad had some telly programme on where the men threw little spears. I don't think they were very good because they didn't score many points and all they were doing was throwing from one side of the telly to the other - I know because I saw it, 2 feet from one side to the other and they still missed!! Rubbish.
Peppa Pig?!! Grandad said Peppa Pig is stupid but is then quite happy to watch Tom and Jerry or Scooby Poo. I don't mind Tom and Jerry because they make ice cream (although I don't like ice cream) but Scooby Poo I'm not so sure about.
I made dinner whilst grandad put his feet up and then I got tea ready as well with some chicken in a spicy bag. We cut some taytoes up and warmed them up for me and mummy. We went into the garage to pick some vegtables out of the freezer and whilst in there, grandad turned on the twirly dryer thing and it scared the crap out of me. I jumped so high, I could've winned a Lympik medal in a single bound. After our spot of lunch, grandad made me wash up!! This wasn't too bad because I washed the bits then put them back in the bowl for him to do again. It was good fun and we only got the floor a little bit wet.
I was sooooooo hungry that I had my dinner before mummy came home and it never touched the sides. Grandad had some funny looking stuff but we happily ate away and talked about our day. Now this is something that I'm beginning to get better at, the art of conversation. Me and grandad spend ages talking about all sorts of things but I'm not sure whether I'm getting better or he's getting worse, either way we understand each other quite well. LOL!!
When mummy came home, I helped her eat her dinner too much to grandad's surprise. Nanna came home and I showed them all what a super boy I am. I enjoyed Christmas time but its good to be back to normal so until next week, I bid you farewell.
Dogg
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