Mummy and daddy were both skiving off work until NEXT YEAR!!!! I have no idea how we're going to manage all that time but I suppose they know what they're doing. There was no early morning grandad call as he has nanna at home because she's off work until next year too. The country is going to pot. Because nanna is at home, grandad has his work cut out even more than when I'm with him. He says I'm much easier to manage. We did pop over to see them just before dinner time and I think this is down to mummy and daddy having all that time off work so we're saving our food by eating theirs. I think this is ok because I know for a fact that nanna has been shopping 54 times this week already.
I popped up with grandad to see a lady and he gave her a bag full of stuff which I assume is food to help them through the terrible weather. I don't think she works at all so grandad must be helping out. He should run one of those charity things and put an advert on the telly. He could use Millie with a sad face to help tug at people's hearty strings. There is a picture of me crying on the funny bouncy ball thing at the Lookout place that he could use for a small fee and a constant supply of fresh molk.
Nanna asked grandad to put some more stuff in the freezer and I have no idea how he can do it. The freezer in the garage is bulging at the seams as it is but with some precision re-packaging, he came back with the smiley face of a man with a mission accomplished. He could get a job on the Tokyo underground where they cram all those people into those train carriages. They're packed in so tight, it surprises me not-a-jot that they have eyes like that.
Later in the afternoon I put on some big boy pants. Still like nappies but with lastik bits to make them easy to get off when I need 1's or 2's. Tallywhacker secured and in popped Auntie Ali and Auntie Bev. I think they know nanna quite well, maybe they went to school together or something but the way they kept laughing would hint at a previous high intake of alcoholic beverages. We all had tea together apart from grandad as he had to go to work, we had lovely potatoes with their coats on and some spicy stuff or fishy things. Grandad says Ali and Bev are going to get into BIG trouble if they eat those special cakes of his!!!!
Apparently, in a couple of days, it's some geezers birthday who lived several years ago and everyone in the country is having a party. He must've been pretty popular as everyone seems to know him. Grandad says we eat lots of food then wish we hadn't but to be honest, I don't think there's any food I eat that I wish I hadn't. I reckon it's because he has to watch his weight but I strongly believe he's not watching it good enough. I'm coming back to grandad's on Wednesday for some more so that'll be fun.
As it's the birthday Christmas celebrations, I have to mention my fellow cousins one-twice-three times removed from the other family members so here goes (and God help grandad if I've forgotten anyone!!!!):
Wiltshire Branch:
Shona
Kane
Cody
Gloucester Branch:
Dylan
Rosie
Hertfordshire Branch:
Olivia
Maisie
St Prex*, Geneva (Our international chapter - branching out into Europe and beyond):
Lyra
Myles
*Grandad says I shouldn't try to say this word yet until my English is a little better - which is quite a statement as it's a French word!!! When I'm older, I'm going to school in town where they will teach English as a second language by then.
Currently there are two new arrivals waiting to enter the Departure Lounge early next year and no doubt a couple more awaiting the winners of future tadpole races.
That's it, I'm currently home in bed and writing this under my bed covers with my Thomas the Tank torch perched on top of my head so I can see. Grandad said it'll give me square eyes but I'll take that over the Tokyo ones. Have a great Christmas and New Year (I must say I like the old one), if I've missed anyone please tell grandad before nanna finds out because she'll go narnas at him!!!
Dogg
Monday, 23 December 2013
Tuesday, 17 December 2013
Yesterday, on our walk, I've come to the conclusion that its silly season. Everywhere we went there seemed to be an old man dressed all in red with big black boots and a big red hat to top it off. I can't remember too much but I think it happened last year as well. I was too young to know what was going on last year but after a very good year of learning and ducking and diving, I'm afraid I'm still none the wiser. I need to find out what's going on but for now, I'm happy to sit still whilst grandad took me on our walk.
Now this should've been a normal walk but every corner we turned, grandad found somebody to talk to: the lady from the bakehouse, the driver man from the bakehouse, the postman, two ladies with poncy looking dogs which were shaved so much I could see their bums, a man from the garage, the tanned man from the old corner shop. Everywhere there was someone to halt us in our mission to exercise Millie. At one point we were there for ages and I mean ages. I sat there patiently watching the cars and buses go past, I saw some men go past one way and then return, in what seemed like several days later, sporting full beards. I strummed on my buggy safety buckle to the tune of "Incey Wincey Spider" but still I waited, I twiddled my thumbs so much that I think they are now shorter than they were on Sunday. I looked around assuming grandad had wandered off and left me and Millie when, with a sudden burst of speed, the buggy wheels sprung forward as we made our way home. Grandad said that he was desperate for a wee and I thought that it served him right for talking so long to complete strangers.
We came back at a speed that made my eyes water and Millie's feet steam until we got to the front door, a white van man asked grandad if he could leave a parcel at his house for the neighbours. Grandad needed to take a wee even more now but got talking to the van man even though he didn't want to. If he wore one of my nappies he could quite merrily chat away whilst piddling to his hearts content and nobody would notice (unless he does that little shiver thing that babies do). Once the idle chat was complete, grandad raced us all in and shot upstairs. Any longer and he would've burst the banks and he would've resembled a fireman's hose when dropped (the action rather than the dimensions I hasten to add).
Once we settled down, I went to the kitchen and got the big jug out of the cupboard and the big milk from the fridge. It was so heavy I had to drag it. Then I got the rice krispies and took them to grandad.
"Are you hungry, Wee Man?" he said as he put the rice krispies back in the cupboard.
With the items I'd collected, it was pretty safe to say that my belly was in need of fulfilment. I pulled the chair up to the worktop as I normally do but this week, I made sure I was safely positioned so as not to repeat last weeks flying lessons.
"Egg, egg" I said to my apprentice chef as we prepared for one of our favourite homlettes. Grandad cut up some tommy toes, ham, cheese and some other funny stuff. Whilst he sorted the cooker out, I kept taking bits of cheese and ham and he'll never know until he reads this. Then he done the usual egg thing that I showed him last week. He cooked it so much that there was fog in the kitchen and the bottom of the homlette was that sunburn colour. He folded it up and popped it on his plate, then cut some off for me. It was really good, I love it and I even managed to pass some to Millie when grandad wasn't looking. Millie loves me even more when its dinner time but I don't know why.
To both my surprise and delight, Mummy came to get me just after the kitchen fog cleared and after a cuppa, we made our way home. Think I'm still at grandad's next week when some bloke is coming to visit next Tuesday night. Grandad has to do some painting or something in time for the man's visit so we'll see how he gets on.
Until next week, my faithful followingers
Dogg
Now this should've been a normal walk but every corner we turned, grandad found somebody to talk to: the lady from the bakehouse, the driver man from the bakehouse, the postman, two ladies with poncy looking dogs which were shaved so much I could see their bums, a man from the garage, the tanned man from the old corner shop. Everywhere there was someone to halt us in our mission to exercise Millie. At one point we were there for ages and I mean ages. I sat there patiently watching the cars and buses go past, I saw some men go past one way and then return, in what seemed like several days later, sporting full beards. I strummed on my buggy safety buckle to the tune of "Incey Wincey Spider" but still I waited, I twiddled my thumbs so much that I think they are now shorter than they were on Sunday. I looked around assuming grandad had wandered off and left me and Millie when, with a sudden burst of speed, the buggy wheels sprung forward as we made our way home. Grandad said that he was desperate for a wee and I thought that it served him right for talking so long to complete strangers.
We came back at a speed that made my eyes water and Millie's feet steam until we got to the front door, a white van man asked grandad if he could leave a parcel at his house for the neighbours. Grandad needed to take a wee even more now but got talking to the van man even though he didn't want to. If he wore one of my nappies he could quite merrily chat away whilst piddling to his hearts content and nobody would notice (unless he does that little shiver thing that babies do). Once the idle chat was complete, grandad raced us all in and shot upstairs. Any longer and he would've burst the banks and he would've resembled a fireman's hose when dropped (the action rather than the dimensions I hasten to add).
Once we settled down, I went to the kitchen and got the big jug out of the cupboard and the big milk from the fridge. It was so heavy I had to drag it. Then I got the rice krispies and took them to grandad.
"Are you hungry, Wee Man?" he said as he put the rice krispies back in the cupboard.
With the items I'd collected, it was pretty safe to say that my belly was in need of fulfilment. I pulled the chair up to the worktop as I normally do but this week, I made sure I was safely positioned so as not to repeat last weeks flying lessons.
"Egg, egg" I said to my apprentice chef as we prepared for one of our favourite homlettes. Grandad cut up some tommy toes, ham, cheese and some other funny stuff. Whilst he sorted the cooker out, I kept taking bits of cheese and ham and he'll never know until he reads this. Then he done the usual egg thing that I showed him last week. He cooked it so much that there was fog in the kitchen and the bottom of the homlette was that sunburn colour. He folded it up and popped it on his plate, then cut some off for me. It was really good, I love it and I even managed to pass some to Millie when grandad wasn't looking. Millie loves me even more when its dinner time but I don't know why.
To both my surprise and delight, Mummy came to get me just after the kitchen fog cleared and after a cuppa, we made our way home. Think I'm still at grandad's next week when some bloke is coming to visit next Tuesday night. Grandad has to do some painting or something in time for the man's visit so we'll see how he gets on.
Until next week, my faithful followingers
Dogg
Wednesday, 11 December 2013
Today I am back in full time employment at grandad's and after enjoying some cooking practice, I am finally a qualified chookyegg cookerer. Grandad was brave enough to let me do breakfast for me and Millie but not brave enough to have some himself.
He gave me a blue chookyegg and even let me break it in the jug. That bit was easy!! Then he asked me to mix it up with the fork. I'm now really good at this and can even do it like the man on the telly by tilting the jug for the camera to see what I was 'eggspurtly' doing (lol, did you see my little joke?!). We added a little molk and some stuff that looked like cheese but grandad said it was butter (think he means 'better'). More mixing and then grandad put the jug in the little noisy oven on the side, he pressed a button and when it went BING, it was done. We put some on my plate and some in Millie's bowl, he then gave me my poon and that was it. You can call me Dogg Ramsay, actually I've just had a billion-dollar thought - Dogg's Dinner!! There you go, my new business venture.
This time next year I'm going to be a billionaire like DelBoy.
So, breakfast done, plates washed up and put away and after the long hours in the kitchen, a wee nap was in order so off I popped for a few winks. When I got up grandad gave me a paper Christmas tree and some crayons. I done some squiggles on it and they looked like the decorations we have on our tree at home - grandad hasn't got a tree so I may have to colour another one next week and put it by the telly for him. He then gave me the sticky glue thing and I put it on the tree, the table, the chairs, my face, grandad's face, Mille's face. Then he gave me a little pot with little silver hundreds and thousands in it and he said it was called litter. He told me to get a little pinch and sprinkle then on the glue so I got a little handful and threw it at the glue. It went everywhere - on the tree, the table, the chairs, my face, grandad's face, Mille's face and that was it. One Christmas card made with my very own hands for mummy and daddy. I am soooooooo clever, I should be a professor.
For our daily walk, we went back into town and it was packed with people doing shopping for Christmas. There were people everywhere and some looked jolly but some looked grumpy. We went past the butchers in the smelly alley and he had lots of big chickens in the window. I've never seen chickens that big before. Grandad usually finds me some for dinner in a little bag. The best shop was a big chocolate shop which mummy would like, mummy would like a lot. Father Christmas had already been to this shop because there were lots of presents in the window although maybe these were presents he had to pick up to deliver. Lots of people were smiling at me and grandad - grandad mostly and more of a laugh than a smile, they seemed really happy to see him. When we started back to the car, Millie decided it was time to drop her Yuletide log in smelly alley which is the reason they call it what they do.
After dinner I did some more drawing in my drawing book - tractors and bikes where the favourite today. Then I tried some bungee jumping without the bungee. I was standing on the two chairs at the table like I always do and then I jumped between the two - and missed. I fell what seemed like 200ft to the floor. Grandad rubbed my head better then I got back up and fell off again!! Sod that for a game of soldiers, not doing that again for a while.
In the evening I donned my Chef's hat again and helped grandad with the tea for nanna, mummy and daddy. Not the big chicken in the shops but the little bag one. I don't think he trusted me with the tea because he wouldn't let me touch the chicken but I sprinkled some more stuff on it and tied it in a bag to stop it running away. Grandad washed his hands and saw himself in the window. It was then he realised why the people in town were smiling at him so much - he still had the Christmas card litter on his face!!!
Another week done, cookery lessons complete and bookings now being taken for the festive period.
Until next week, hasta la vista
Dogg's Dinner Ltd
He gave me a blue chookyegg and even let me break it in the jug. That bit was easy!! Then he asked me to mix it up with the fork. I'm now really good at this and can even do it like the man on the telly by tilting the jug for the camera to see what I was 'eggspurtly' doing (lol, did you see my little joke?!). We added a little molk and some stuff that looked like cheese but grandad said it was butter (think he means 'better'). More mixing and then grandad put the jug in the little noisy oven on the side, he pressed a button and when it went BING, it was done. We put some on my plate and some in Millie's bowl, he then gave me my poon and that was it. You can call me Dogg Ramsay, actually I've just had a billion-dollar thought - Dogg's Dinner!! There you go, my new business venture.
This time next year I'm going to be a billionaire like DelBoy.
So, breakfast done, plates washed up and put away and after the long hours in the kitchen, a wee nap was in order so off I popped for a few winks. When I got up grandad gave me a paper Christmas tree and some crayons. I done some squiggles on it and they looked like the decorations we have on our tree at home - grandad hasn't got a tree so I may have to colour another one next week and put it by the telly for him. He then gave me the sticky glue thing and I put it on the tree, the table, the chairs, my face, grandad's face, Mille's face. Then he gave me a little pot with little silver hundreds and thousands in it and he said it was called litter. He told me to get a little pinch and sprinkle then on the glue so I got a little handful and threw it at the glue. It went everywhere - on the tree, the table, the chairs, my face, grandad's face, Mille's face and that was it. One Christmas card made with my very own hands for mummy and daddy. I am soooooooo clever, I should be a professor.
For our daily walk, we went back into town and it was packed with people doing shopping for Christmas. There were people everywhere and some looked jolly but some looked grumpy. We went past the butchers in the smelly alley and he had lots of big chickens in the window. I've never seen chickens that big before. Grandad usually finds me some for dinner in a little bag. The best shop was a big chocolate shop which mummy would like, mummy would like a lot. Father Christmas had already been to this shop because there were lots of presents in the window although maybe these were presents he had to pick up to deliver. Lots of people were smiling at me and grandad - grandad mostly and more of a laugh than a smile, they seemed really happy to see him. When we started back to the car, Millie decided it was time to drop her Yuletide log in smelly alley which is the reason they call it what they do.
After dinner I did some more drawing in my drawing book - tractors and bikes where the favourite today. Then I tried some bungee jumping without the bungee. I was standing on the two chairs at the table like I always do and then I jumped between the two - and missed. I fell what seemed like 200ft to the floor. Grandad rubbed my head better then I got back up and fell off again!! Sod that for a game of soldiers, not doing that again for a while.
In the evening I donned my Chef's hat again and helped grandad with the tea for nanna, mummy and daddy. Not the big chicken in the shops but the little bag one. I don't think he trusted me with the tea because he wouldn't let me touch the chicken but I sprinkled some more stuff on it and tied it in a bag to stop it running away. Grandad washed his hands and saw himself in the window. It was then he realised why the people in town were smiling at him so much - he still had the Christmas card litter on his face!!!
Another week done, cookery lessons complete and bookings now being taken for the festive period.
Until next week, hasta la vista
Dogg's Dinner Ltd
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
Well, once again today it appears I've had a reprieve for good behaviour and I'm at home with daddy so no biggy blog today. However, there were a couple of points from last week and over the weekend that have left me concerned and it's best that I share them with you to get them off my tiny chest.
Apparently there was a massive meteor heading towards the sun last week. On the news a professor-type gadgy gave a report on the situation. Now I have to say this fella sounded dull, like really DULL. He said that a huge chunk of this meteor, about a mile wide had survived the gravitational pull of the sun and also the extreme heat. I assume that as it's nearly winter, the sun would be colder now anyway but the point is: what use to any of us is this story? Who listens to this rubbish? As far as I'm aware, Thomas Cook haven't produced any holiday brochures indicating this will be a future holiday destination and to this end, I'm sure mummy and daddy aren't planning a visit there just yet so I fail to see the point.
My next concern is a worry too. Me and grandad are planning to write to High TV to complain to the advert man. Whilst sitting having our breakfast last week, we had to endure the following advert:
"Do you have an itch?" said the telly.
Me and grandad exchanged a quick glance and a short, sharp shake of ours heads confirmed we hadn't got an itch between us.
"Can't really scratch it in public, can you?" continued the telly.
"Why not?" I wanted to say but obviously couldn't.
"Embarrassing isn't it?" the telly piped up once more.
"Why the hell would an itch be embarrassing?" said grandad, trying to include me in the conversation. "We can scratch anything without anyone noticing, can't we Dogg?" he said, looking at me.
"Yes we can, grandad" I said with a wink in my eye and with a spoon fully laden with Rice Krispies, I continued my breakfast.
"You need Vagisil!" said the telly.
Grandad dropped both his toast and his jaw, spilt his tea in his lap then coughed and spluttered a little as he got up from his chair and walked into the other room.
"WTF?......" he said (I'm not really sure what that means but it sounded grumpy), "........it's 8.20 on a Monday morning and we're listening to adverts about itchy bits".
I have absolutely no idea what all that means but it seemed to put grandad off his toast so we're going to complain to High TV because Vagisil was not on our breakfast menu.
My next predicament comes with the hygiene in our house. Mummy and daddy keep our house very clean - well, mummy does - but something has gone terribly wrong. We now have a tree growing in the telly room. Not a little twiggy branch that nanna has at this time of year but a fully grown tree and I've no idea where it came from, why it's there or why mummy hasn't gone ballistic about it. It stands in the corner taking up a lot of room with balls hanging just above the floor - actually a bit like grandad.
The weekend saw daddy and Uncle Stevie go back to 'Uddersfield for a couple of days. I think they forgot something from last week so had to go back to get it from Uncle Alex. Not sure why it took all weekend as I done the same trip in a day AND had time to draw some pictures - lightweights! Nanna has finished her swimming course and seemed to be a lot happier this Sunday than what she was last Sunday. Grandad said it was hard work but she got through in the end with flying colours. Grandad thought he was getting some peace and quiet and took some time off work to give nanna some moral support but after the first Sunday, I think he was more likely to give her a bosh on the napper. Still the job was done and more importantly, it was successfully passed - well done, nanna.
One more thing: why do many drivers insist on driving with their front fog lights on when the day/night is clear? They make little improved visibility in the fog so are totally redundant in normal conditions. Oh and on the subject of cars, those smelly trees you can get. The ones like Ocean Fresh, Natural Forest Pine, New Car Fragrence, you know the sort. Well all these pale in comparison to the bag of smelly stuff that grandad attaches to my buggy when we're out on our stroll. He only seems to gets them when Millie is with us but he will insist on holding it in one hand as he merrily walks behind me. The bag, if available for public purchase, would be called something like Fruit รก la Dog but to my limited knowledge would fail to make Halfords top 10 best sellers. It happily swings to and fro about a foot away from my little head and it's pungent smells would require me to open a window if I had one! Grandad says it does have its uses in winter as he - wait for it - puts it in his pocket to keep his hands warm!!!! I am at liberty to ask what chance have I got??
And so we get back to today, mummy told grandad that I was 'testing' but I can't remember testing anything. As far as I know, everything is all hunky dory and working ok so no need to test anything. I know grandad missed me because he needs the hours with me to stop him going barmy although, alas it may be too late for that!!! Never mind grandad, we can get back to normal next week.
Catch you later
Dogg
Apparently there was a massive meteor heading towards the sun last week. On the news a professor-type gadgy gave a report on the situation. Now I have to say this fella sounded dull, like really DULL. He said that a huge chunk of this meteor, about a mile wide had survived the gravitational pull of the sun and also the extreme heat. I assume that as it's nearly winter, the sun would be colder now anyway but the point is: what use to any of us is this story? Who listens to this rubbish? As far as I'm aware, Thomas Cook haven't produced any holiday brochures indicating this will be a future holiday destination and to this end, I'm sure mummy and daddy aren't planning a visit there just yet so I fail to see the point.
My next concern is a worry too. Me and grandad are planning to write to High TV to complain to the advert man. Whilst sitting having our breakfast last week, we had to endure the following advert:
"Do you have an itch?" said the telly.
Me and grandad exchanged a quick glance and a short, sharp shake of ours heads confirmed we hadn't got an itch between us.
"Can't really scratch it in public, can you?" continued the telly.
"Why not?" I wanted to say but obviously couldn't.
"Embarrassing isn't it?" the telly piped up once more.
"Why the hell would an itch be embarrassing?" said grandad, trying to include me in the conversation. "We can scratch anything without anyone noticing, can't we Dogg?" he said, looking at me.
"Yes we can, grandad" I said with a wink in my eye and with a spoon fully laden with Rice Krispies, I continued my breakfast.
"You need Vagisil!" said the telly.
Grandad dropped both his toast and his jaw, spilt his tea in his lap then coughed and spluttered a little as he got up from his chair and walked into the other room.
"WTF?......" he said (I'm not really sure what that means but it sounded grumpy), "........it's 8.20 on a Monday morning and we're listening to adverts about itchy bits".
I have absolutely no idea what all that means but it seemed to put grandad off his toast so we're going to complain to High TV because Vagisil was not on our breakfast menu.
My next predicament comes with the hygiene in our house. Mummy and daddy keep our house very clean - well, mummy does - but something has gone terribly wrong. We now have a tree growing in the telly room. Not a little twiggy branch that nanna has at this time of year but a fully grown tree and I've no idea where it came from, why it's there or why mummy hasn't gone ballistic about it. It stands in the corner taking up a lot of room with balls hanging just above the floor - actually a bit like grandad.
The weekend saw daddy and Uncle Stevie go back to 'Uddersfield for a couple of days. I think they forgot something from last week so had to go back to get it from Uncle Alex. Not sure why it took all weekend as I done the same trip in a day AND had time to draw some pictures - lightweights! Nanna has finished her swimming course and seemed to be a lot happier this Sunday than what she was last Sunday. Grandad said it was hard work but she got through in the end with flying colours. Grandad thought he was getting some peace and quiet and took some time off work to give nanna some moral support but after the first Sunday, I think he was more likely to give her a bosh on the napper. Still the job was done and more importantly, it was successfully passed - well done, nanna.
One more thing: why do many drivers insist on driving with their front fog lights on when the day/night is clear? They make little improved visibility in the fog so are totally redundant in normal conditions. Oh and on the subject of cars, those smelly trees you can get. The ones like Ocean Fresh, Natural Forest Pine, New Car Fragrence, you know the sort. Well all these pale in comparison to the bag of smelly stuff that grandad attaches to my buggy when we're out on our stroll. He only seems to gets them when Millie is with us but he will insist on holding it in one hand as he merrily walks behind me. The bag, if available for public purchase, would be called something like Fruit รก la Dog but to my limited knowledge would fail to make Halfords top 10 best sellers. It happily swings to and fro about a foot away from my little head and it's pungent smells would require me to open a window if I had one! Grandad says it does have its uses in winter as he - wait for it - puts it in his pocket to keep his hands warm!!!! I am at liberty to ask what chance have I got??
And so we get back to today, mummy told grandad that I was 'testing' but I can't remember testing anything. As far as I know, everything is all hunky dory and working ok so no need to test anything. I know grandad missed me because he needs the hours with me to stop him going barmy although, alas it may be too late for that!!! Never mind grandad, we can get back to normal next week.
Catch you later
Dogg
Tuesday, 26 November 2013
Hooray, after two weeks of part-time granddaddy time, we're up and running again and an enjoyable day was had by all.
On Sunday, I went with mummy and daddy and nanny Jan and poppa Mole on a massive trip to the other side of the world to see Uncle Alex in a place called 'Udderfield so grandad was expecting me to be a bit tired due to jetlag but I was on my bestest form. We got back to his house and nanna was still there. I checked granddads phone and it wasn't a banky holiday so I thought she must be pulling a sicky. Grandad said she was doing a swimming course again. It was nice to see her before she went but after our 'Bye byes' to nanna and Millie, grandad decided we would go shopping at Tescos. This gave me another chance to drive the big buggy thing.
We got to the car park and because grandad had me with him, he could park really close to the door in the mummy and toddler space even though he's not a mummy. He didn't want to drive around for ages looking for a grandad and toddler place so we parked here. Grandad said he often parks in these spaces even when he hasn't got me because my seat makes the Happy Police think he's got little person company. He told me not to say anything though.
Grandad carefully sat me in a big buggy on my blanket so my bum wouldn't get cold then he realised he'd forgotten the pound coin to put in the buggy chain so we could take it from all the others. Out I got and back to the car we went so he could find his penny then back we went for another go. Once again he put my blanket down to keep me warm but this seemed pointless because when he picked me out of the buggy earlier, all my clothes came up and my belly was out for all to see. Finally we got sorted and in went the penny but grandad couldn't separate the buggies. He huffed and he puffed like the big bad wolf but the buggy was having none of it. He said some of those funny words and then a little old lady who was about 85 years old, told him he'd put his penny in the buggy in front of the one we had. He looked at her as though she was stupid then realised the cap actually fitted him!!!!
At last, and just in time before the shop closed at this rate, we made our entrance to Tesco. We went to get a paper first and grandad gave it to me so I could put it in the buggy behind me. I shook the paper like a big flag and the pages all fell apart and went over the floor but I got the sports page in the buggy and that's all he reads anyway. More huffing and puffing and off we went (with a different paper) to the fruity area where we saw a big lady that knew grandad. "Hello handsome" she said. Naturally I smiled then I realised she was talking to grandad. After telling her that he glasses were in need of renewal, I told grandad we had work to do and off we went. We got lots of fruit, cheese, meaty stuff, doggy stuff and some Rice Krispies in a box of which I started to chew before we left. He let me put the stuff in the big buggy and I managed to get most of it in. Some missed and went on the floor, a bag of oranges flew straight into a woman's buggy just missing her grumpy looking baby. Grandad told me "No" but then giggled which leaves me once again totally confused as to if it was naughty or funny. Best I try that again when with mummy and daddy just to be sure. Eventually after enough time to render our purchased goods out of date, we got back home. Millie danced around like a poncy poodle as she was excited to see us and then grandad put the stuff away.
After a spot of lunch, we went for another walk with Millie and although it was a tad nippy, I didn't feel much like wearing my Davey Crockett hat for long so I kept throwing it on the floor. We saw lots of birds and grandad said they were kites but I could see they were real as there were no strings under then. I'll never be clever if he keeps telling me fibs like that. Later I helped grandad make some dinner for me, mummy and daddy. Nanna was having hers later when she got back from swimming.
That's it, back to normal and looking forward to next week already.
Catch you later
Dogg
On Sunday, I went with mummy and daddy and nanny Jan and poppa Mole on a massive trip to the other side of the world to see Uncle Alex in a place called 'Udderfield so grandad was expecting me to be a bit tired due to jetlag but I was on my bestest form. We got back to his house and nanna was still there. I checked granddads phone and it wasn't a banky holiday so I thought she must be pulling a sicky. Grandad said she was doing a swimming course again. It was nice to see her before she went but after our 'Bye byes' to nanna and Millie, grandad decided we would go shopping at Tescos. This gave me another chance to drive the big buggy thing.
We got to the car park and because grandad had me with him, he could park really close to the door in the mummy and toddler space even though he's not a mummy. He didn't want to drive around for ages looking for a grandad and toddler place so we parked here. Grandad said he often parks in these spaces even when he hasn't got me because my seat makes the Happy Police think he's got little person company. He told me not to say anything though.
Grandad carefully sat me in a big buggy on my blanket so my bum wouldn't get cold then he realised he'd forgotten the pound coin to put in the buggy chain so we could take it from all the others. Out I got and back to the car we went so he could find his penny then back we went for another go. Once again he put my blanket down to keep me warm but this seemed pointless because when he picked me out of the buggy earlier, all my clothes came up and my belly was out for all to see. Finally we got sorted and in went the penny but grandad couldn't separate the buggies. He huffed and he puffed like the big bad wolf but the buggy was having none of it. He said some of those funny words and then a little old lady who was about 85 years old, told him he'd put his penny in the buggy in front of the one we had. He looked at her as though she was stupid then realised the cap actually fitted him!!!!
At last, and just in time before the shop closed at this rate, we made our entrance to Tesco. We went to get a paper first and grandad gave it to me so I could put it in the buggy behind me. I shook the paper like a big flag and the pages all fell apart and went over the floor but I got the sports page in the buggy and that's all he reads anyway. More huffing and puffing and off we went (with a different paper) to the fruity area where we saw a big lady that knew grandad. "Hello handsome" she said. Naturally I smiled then I realised she was talking to grandad. After telling her that he glasses were in need of renewal, I told grandad we had work to do and off we went. We got lots of fruit, cheese, meaty stuff, doggy stuff and some Rice Krispies in a box of which I started to chew before we left. He let me put the stuff in the big buggy and I managed to get most of it in. Some missed and went on the floor, a bag of oranges flew straight into a woman's buggy just missing her grumpy looking baby. Grandad told me "No" but then giggled which leaves me once again totally confused as to if it was naughty or funny. Best I try that again when with mummy and daddy just to be sure. Eventually after enough time to render our purchased goods out of date, we got back home. Millie danced around like a poncy poodle as she was excited to see us and then grandad put the stuff away.
After a spot of lunch, we went for another walk with Millie and although it was a tad nippy, I didn't feel much like wearing my Davey Crockett hat for long so I kept throwing it on the floor. We saw lots of birds and grandad said they were kites but I could see they were real as there were no strings under then. I'll never be clever if he keeps telling me fibs like that. Later I helped grandad make some dinner for me, mummy and daddy. Nanna was having hers later when she got back from swimming.
That's it, back to normal and looking forward to next week already.
Catch you later
Dogg
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
Grandad got off really light on Monday because he only had me for a little while as daddy was around. Mummy said grandad could call it his annual leave, so its like one of those Banky Holiday things I suppose.
We did manage to read some books and draw on the table, chairs and even some paper. Grandad says the best things to write on are banana's and the bottom of your slippers, so I'll be trying that when I'm older and as its grandad's idea, I will be exempt from prosecution or a smacked bum!!!
Nanna was talking to grandad about a book called 'A Shark in the Park'. I think its a book that another little family person from Wiltshire called Dylan has got. Next week, The Three Musketeers (grandad, me and Millie) are going to look for this shark in the local park and we're going on a bear hunt too. Bears are quite hard to spot at this time of year in our park even when the leaves have fallen off the trees. As we walked up the Travellator near grandad's house, I shouted out "BIRDY" and grandad nearly pooped his pants. It was in the trees and he told me I was silly as he couldn't see the birdy at first but then he made China man's eyes and could see it. Now who's silly, grandad?? I often wonder if he's safe to follow me around at times.
On our way back from our little walk, we saw a man walking towards us. Grandad asked me who it was and after I done the squinty China man eyes, I could see it was daddy. It was lovely, I jumped up and down in my buggy and was excited to see him and he looked pretty pleased too. Millie jumped up at daddy but he went all girly as he doesn't like dirty stuff.
After a spot of lunch, daddy took me to see mummy for some more lunch - I do like this lunch thing. In the evening, I wandered around the house in a new pair of big boy pants, no nappy!! It was nice to enjoy what grandad calls 'the angle of the dangle' but I felt the need for a little poohie. Of course, normally I can drop one out without fear of actually one dropping out but today, with all that new found freedom down below, the jobby fell on the sofa. Mummy was fine with it but daddy went all funny - LOL!!!
That's about it for today, short and sweet. So until next week, au revoir.
Dogg
We did manage to read some books and draw on the table, chairs and even some paper. Grandad says the best things to write on are banana's and the bottom of your slippers, so I'll be trying that when I'm older and as its grandad's idea, I will be exempt from prosecution or a smacked bum!!!
Nanna was talking to grandad about a book called 'A Shark in the Park'. I think its a book that another little family person from Wiltshire called Dylan has got. Next week, The Three Musketeers (grandad, me and Millie) are going to look for this shark in the local park and we're going on a bear hunt too. Bears are quite hard to spot at this time of year in our park even when the leaves have fallen off the trees. As we walked up the Travellator near grandad's house, I shouted out "BIRDY" and grandad nearly pooped his pants. It was in the trees and he told me I was silly as he couldn't see the birdy at first but then he made China man's eyes and could see it. Now who's silly, grandad?? I often wonder if he's safe to follow me around at times.
On our way back from our little walk, we saw a man walking towards us. Grandad asked me who it was and after I done the squinty China man eyes, I could see it was daddy. It was lovely, I jumped up and down in my buggy and was excited to see him and he looked pretty pleased too. Millie jumped up at daddy but he went all girly as he doesn't like dirty stuff.
After a spot of lunch, daddy took me to see mummy for some more lunch - I do like this lunch thing. In the evening, I wandered around the house in a new pair of big boy pants, no nappy!! It was nice to enjoy what grandad calls 'the angle of the dangle' but I felt the need for a little poohie. Of course, normally I can drop one out without fear of actually one dropping out but today, with all that new found freedom down below, the jobby fell on the sofa. Mummy was fine with it but daddy went all funny - LOL!!!
That's about it for today, short and sweet. So until next week, au revoir.
Dogg
Tuesday, 5 November 2013
So, I hear some gadgy has won the British Scrabble Championship with words like 'bandura' which just so happens to NOT be a British word but is actually a Ukrainian lute. First of all, what the hell is a lute and secondly, Ukrainian stuff in a British Championship???
If I'd known the rules were so lapse, I'd have entered myself with the art of Logolepsy. "What?" I hear you asked. "Exactly" is my reply. See, got you stuffed already and let everyone who has to go and look that up put a pound in my pigging bank! Oh I laugh at how many will now go and look it up. Whilst you're at it, take a look at these as well because I would win the title myself with these: slatch (seaside thing), skoptsy (why?????), epiphora (linked with skoptsy I'd imagine!). What a joke!
Right then, today has been quite a bit of fun and involved a trip nearly four hours away. We went to Newbury today as grandad had to take a bit of paper to the Council Offices to prove he's not a dodgy character as part of some licence thingamajig. The lady at the office said I was cute and then went sukky over Millie who was tied up outside. After that we went walkabout in the town.
Grandad likes Newbury for some reason that I fail to understand. In our town he parks his buggy where we don't have to pay and then we walk past Next, Marks & Sparks, Pets at Home, Primate (where monkeys get their clothes) and of course, the local Council Offices. Here in sunny Newbury, he had to pay a pound to park the buggy then we walked down the road and past Next (same as ours and no doubt every other town in the Western world), Marks & Sparks, Pets at Home (which they're not if they're in the shop) and the Council Offices. I must admit we didn't see Primate but in all fairness, grandad doesn't go there anyway. He doesn't go to Next either but doesn't need to because nanna spends so much time there, they've asked her to join the Board of Directors.
Going back to the Council Offices, it appears they are inhabited by a certain type of person. Usually there seems to be a lack of any communication skills with the members of the public and there also seems to be a negotiable level of intelligence present, quite possibly a Mecca for people who failed their school exams. I noticed two people walk past us more than three times with the same bit of paper and one guy who even walked into a closed door. Whilst we found this very entertaining in our own little way, it also sends the wrong messages out to the discerning public. Comparing this with our own Council Office, there seems to be little difference. In the Council Chambers, I think all the top Council people sit down and say "Here, here" and "Mr Chairman, may I advise the honourable gentleman that his flies are undone and the cold air is doing him no favours at all......" or even "Mr Treasurer, I put it to you and the bench, that you're nothing short of a charlatan and a buffoon......." Then, after a few hours they all get up, shake hands, have a jolly good laugh, several glasses of wine and then slap another £50 on the Council Tax and fine pensioners for being old!!
On the way back grandad got lost. I'm sure he didn't really but it took twice as long to get back and I got bored stupid. The diesel bleepy thing sounded so I put my shoes on just in case we had to walk home. To distract myself from my boredom, I managed to get my arms out of my seatbelt thingy like Houdini and then quite happily leant forward so my head was nearly on the car seat. Grandad looked in his mirror and I'd gone! LOL๐!!!! He stopped the car and tried to put my arms back as they should be in the seat. Of course, I did my best to interfere with his feeble attempt, I pinched his nose and slapped his baldy napper but he did win in the end.
We got back and had our dinner and done some great drawings - on some paper rather than the wall. When grandad changed my soggy nappy, I ran off with it and threw it over the stairs. Millie promptly picked it up and then, with the speed of a greyhound on Red Bull, she ran around the house with it. Grandad won't make a very good sheepdog man as he couldn't keep Millie under control. "Come by, pheeeeeep, pheeeeeeep" he whistled as Millie ran behind the settee and out of sight.
After I had a little hibernation, me and grandad rounded up a couple of chooks (not easy after his efforts with Millie) and cooked them for tea along with some spuds which look like potatoes and the usual veg that we got from grandad's veg patch in the freezer. Whilst it was cooking, it got dark outside so grandad lit the pumpykins from the scary night. They looked quite cool in the back garden and they scared the cats off from piddling and poohing in Nanna's flowers.
Another day, another diaper......
Adios amigos
Dogg
If I'd known the rules were so lapse, I'd have entered myself with the art of Logolepsy. "What?" I hear you asked. "Exactly" is my reply. See, got you stuffed already and let everyone who has to go and look that up put a pound in my pigging bank! Oh I laugh at how many will now go and look it up. Whilst you're at it, take a look at these as well because I would win the title myself with these: slatch (seaside thing), skoptsy (why?????), epiphora (linked with skoptsy I'd imagine!). What a joke!
Right then, today has been quite a bit of fun and involved a trip nearly four hours away. We went to Newbury today as grandad had to take a bit of paper to the Council Offices to prove he's not a dodgy character as part of some licence thingamajig. The lady at the office said I was cute and then went sukky over Millie who was tied up outside. After that we went walkabout in the town.
Grandad likes Newbury for some reason that I fail to understand. In our town he parks his buggy where we don't have to pay and then we walk past Next, Marks & Sparks, Pets at Home, Primate (where monkeys get their clothes) and of course, the local Council Offices. Here in sunny Newbury, he had to pay a pound to park the buggy then we walked down the road and past Next (same as ours and no doubt every other town in the Western world), Marks & Sparks, Pets at Home (which they're not if they're in the shop) and the Council Offices. I must admit we didn't see Primate but in all fairness, grandad doesn't go there anyway. He doesn't go to Next either but doesn't need to because nanna spends so much time there, they've asked her to join the Board of Directors.
Going back to the Council Offices, it appears they are inhabited by a certain type of person. Usually there seems to be a lack of any communication skills with the members of the public and there also seems to be a negotiable level of intelligence present, quite possibly a Mecca for people who failed their school exams. I noticed two people walk past us more than three times with the same bit of paper and one guy who even walked into a closed door. Whilst we found this very entertaining in our own little way, it also sends the wrong messages out to the discerning public. Comparing this with our own Council Office, there seems to be little difference. In the Council Chambers, I think all the top Council people sit down and say "Here, here" and "Mr Chairman, may I advise the honourable gentleman that his flies are undone and the cold air is doing him no favours at all......" or even "Mr Treasurer, I put it to you and the bench, that you're nothing short of a charlatan and a buffoon......." Then, after a few hours they all get up, shake hands, have a jolly good laugh, several glasses of wine and then slap another £50 on the Council Tax and fine pensioners for being old!!
On the way back grandad got lost. I'm sure he didn't really but it took twice as long to get back and I got bored stupid. The diesel bleepy thing sounded so I put my shoes on just in case we had to walk home. To distract myself from my boredom, I managed to get my arms out of my seatbelt thingy like Houdini and then quite happily leant forward so my head was nearly on the car seat. Grandad looked in his mirror and I'd gone! LOL๐!!!! He stopped the car and tried to put my arms back as they should be in the seat. Of course, I did my best to interfere with his feeble attempt, I pinched his nose and slapped his baldy napper but he did win in the end.
We got back and had our dinner and done some great drawings - on some paper rather than the wall. When grandad changed my soggy nappy, I ran off with it and threw it over the stairs. Millie promptly picked it up and then, with the speed of a greyhound on Red Bull, she ran around the house with it. Grandad won't make a very good sheepdog man as he couldn't keep Millie under control. "Come by, pheeeeeep, pheeeeeeep" he whistled as Millie ran behind the settee and out of sight.
After I had a little hibernation, me and grandad rounded up a couple of chooks (not easy after his efforts with Millie) and cooked them for tea along with some spuds which look like potatoes and the usual veg that we got from grandad's veg patch in the freezer. Whilst it was cooking, it got dark outside so grandad lit the pumpykins from the scary night. They looked quite cool in the back garden and they scared the cats off from piddling and poohing in Nanna's flowers.
Another day, another diaper......
Adios amigos
Dogg
Wednesday, 30 October 2013
Its Monday and I haven't even had time to unpack my Trunki from my sleepyover and I'm heading back to blimming granddads again. I've been given one of those punishment weeks for being a naughty boy. Once again, I'm not sure on what I've done but yet again it must've been bad. Grandad AND nanna too!!! I'm going to look up the "Parental Guide to Punishing Your Offspring" to see if the punishment fits the 'alleged' crime!!!!
We've had a Hurry Kane warning. He's my cousin once-twice-three times removed (there's a song in there somewhere) from Wiltshire and apparently he needs to get a move on for something. The weather man has warned us of 90mph winds with gusts likely to knock trees over. Mr Weather Man, 90mph? My grandad can go faster than that, my good man, so we can outrun any gutsy gust that may come our way. Also, he has been known on more than one occasion to offer a gust of his own and they've been known to peel the paint off walls let alone knock over silly trees!!! Bring it on we say.
Furthermore, after our hearty lunch of a Dogg speciality (yes, I made lunch - eventually it must be admitted but lunch today was courtesy of yours truly) we took a walk in this extreme weather. When everyone has been told to stay indoors "unless your journey is absolutely necessary", I donned my winter gear (I felt like an Eskimo with the flu), nanna wore a dead polar bear and grandad wore his shorts and t-shirt. Survival packs (complete with the obligatory Kendal Mint Cake) were put on the sledge and along with a full team of husky (Millie!!) we went to brave the wilds of Southern England. We laugh in the face of adversity - ha ha ha!
On our return to our humble abode, I donned my chefs hat once more and set about a delicacy from a packet called Pirate Cakes. Hmmmmmmm, I like cakes. Very carefully we cut open a small packet and with pure measured precision, tipped it all into a big glass goldfish-type bowl. With a strategically placed chooky-egg and 4 handfuls of water, grandad used a lectik whizzer to blitz the stuff all over the place, then popped the gooey mess into some little paper things which I thought would catch fire in the hoven. After ages, nanna pulled out a different tray than what she put in and let them go cold. We then put some icy stuff on each of the cakes (12 of them, yummy) and then a pirate picture on top of that. Nanna let me try one but didn't let grandad or Millie but when we got home with them, it looked pretty obvious that someone can't do their sums as there were only 8/9 in the tin! Ninja grandad is the prime suspect!!!
Oh dear, too many cakes I think. Tuesday hasn't started all that well. Mummy only got a little bit of sleep last night as I felt a bit crook. When grandad came to get me, I didn't feel too much better although I put on a big boys brave face. It wasn't long at grandad's before I started to feel a bit dodgy again and I cuddled into nanna and grandad. I started breathing like I was scooby diving and I fell asleep next to grandad on the sofa. Mummy had made a pointment at the vets for me and nanna took me in whilst Millie walked grandad. The doctor lady put a funny clip on my earhole and I wasn't keen on that!!! She said I was too hot - lady, this dude is soooooo hot, I'm scary!!!! She then told nanna I had to go to the horse piddle for something and asked if we needed a Hambylence but nanna said it was ok as we had a grandad.
So off we went, to the horse piddle and a date with another bunch of doctors. They poked and prodded me, check my heart times and my temperature. They then gave me some of the purple medicine mummy gives me and some steroids. Great!!! By the time I'm 22, the steroids would've kicked in and I'll have arms like Popeye, a voice like Olive Oil's that will be so high that only dogs will hear me and no doubt, a willy the size of a gnats!!! This is not a good thing - and what happens if I get to the Lympiks??? I'll be positive on a medicine test and banned for life!!!! We stayed a little while longer, no - we stay a lot longer and then I was allowed to go home with mummy. Daddy took nanna home because I think granddad forgot her. Early night for me, mummy and daddy then we'll try again on Wednesday.
Bit of a funny night but on Wednesday morning, grandad was at my house nice and early and off we went for the last day of my punishment. I was feeling a lot better but still had the Scooby divers breathing but I was quite capable of having a giggle. I asked nanna for some paper and I sat down and done lots of drawing, granddad did have a little grumble when I turned to the wall with two big waxy crayons in my hands but I failed to see what he was worried about.
Granddad had to take Millie to the vets today because she felt left out when she was banned from my excursion yesterday. I hope she has the same doctor and hope she bit him because he was such a pokey noser. Me and nanna got fed up waiting for them to come home so I went for my kip and think nanna did some catching up with her tired eyes too.
Now then, my little kip actually wasn't. Bears and squirrels hibernate over shorter periods, the Ice Age would've transformed into the Very Damp Age in the time I 'kipped'!! Nanna cuddled me and I dossed off in the first place and when I woke up, grandad came upstairs to get me. I cuddled him then fell asleep again. Then I woke up once more, gave Millie a kiss then promptly fell asleep again - two and a half hours!!!!!!
The afternoon's itinerary involved some big, big pumpykins although I have no idea what a pumpykin is other than its big, ugly and scares kids. I've seen some people that can do the same job including granddad!!! Granddad bought two pumpykins in from Nanna's car where they grow (I know this because there are two more in there!) then he took out a big knife and cut the top off. Nanna said we had to gut it then showed me all the stringy bits and pips and asked me to help get this 'gunge' from the pumpykin. Yeah right nanna, pull the other one!!! Too messy, way too messy. She took a spoon and started to get the gunge out and then put the bits on some newspaper. I pushed some pips on the floor and when nanna bent down to pick them up, I threw the rest all over her. Great fun this pumpykin gutting. Grandad started the other one and me and nanna gutted this one too before grandad then went and drew all over the front of them!! He moaned at me for writing on the walls - and table and picture on the wall and floor and chairs and him - then he goes and does the same on Nanna's pumpykin!! Double standards or what?!?!
We had to give Millie another bath today, not a past-time that she best enjoys. In fact the only bit she enjoys is the getting out and running around like a lunatic bit. She has to have some special shampoo (granddad has to have special stuff too) and she has to have it all over because she's quite fluffy. When granddad gets her out, he gives her a good old rub with the towel and then lets her go. She runs out of the bathroom like a greyhound out of the traps at the races, she then rubs her face all over the carpet which doesn't tick too many boxes in the nanna department. Then she runs downstairs and around the front run where she looks like one half of Orville and Dean (I never knew that duck could skate!) before banging into the table and sofa. Its so funny - stupid dog.
Afterwards we had a little walk before coming back home for dinner where granddad tipped his drink all over himself. Whilst he dried up his big 'wee' patch, I pinched some of his dinner. LOL๐. When then went into play some games and puzzles and I put my drink on grandad's lap. After a few seconds, he jumped up and said "Not again!!" because I'd left my cup open and it dribbled all down his leg again.
I've felt a lot better this afternoon and hopefully mummy and daddy will get some sleep tonight - providing I can get to sleep after my hibernation. Tomorrow I think we're coming back YET AGAIN for some scary cakes and some fun with trick or treaters. Grandad had a large supply of eggs and flour in case they come to get him but he said don't tell anyone so shhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Time to go, catch you all next week
Dogg
We've had a Hurry Kane warning. He's my cousin once-twice-three times removed (there's a song in there somewhere) from Wiltshire and apparently he needs to get a move on for something. The weather man has warned us of 90mph winds with gusts likely to knock trees over. Mr Weather Man, 90mph? My grandad can go faster than that, my good man, so we can outrun any gutsy gust that may come our way. Also, he has been known on more than one occasion to offer a gust of his own and they've been known to peel the paint off walls let alone knock over silly trees!!! Bring it on we say.
Furthermore, after our hearty lunch of a Dogg speciality (yes, I made lunch - eventually it must be admitted but lunch today was courtesy of yours truly) we took a walk in this extreme weather. When everyone has been told to stay indoors "unless your journey is absolutely necessary", I donned my winter gear (I felt like an Eskimo with the flu), nanna wore a dead polar bear and grandad wore his shorts and t-shirt. Survival packs (complete with the obligatory Kendal Mint Cake) were put on the sledge and along with a full team of husky (Millie!!) we went to brave the wilds of Southern England. We laugh in the face of adversity - ha ha ha!
On our return to our humble abode, I donned my chefs hat once more and set about a delicacy from a packet called Pirate Cakes. Hmmmmmmm, I like cakes. Very carefully we cut open a small packet and with pure measured precision, tipped it all into a big glass goldfish-type bowl. With a strategically placed chooky-egg and 4 handfuls of water, grandad used a lectik whizzer to blitz the stuff all over the place, then popped the gooey mess into some little paper things which I thought would catch fire in the hoven. After ages, nanna pulled out a different tray than what she put in and let them go cold. We then put some icy stuff on each of the cakes (12 of them, yummy) and then a pirate picture on top of that. Nanna let me try one but didn't let grandad or Millie but when we got home with them, it looked pretty obvious that someone can't do their sums as there were only 8/9 in the tin! Ninja grandad is the prime suspect!!!
Oh dear, too many cakes I think. Tuesday hasn't started all that well. Mummy only got a little bit of sleep last night as I felt a bit crook. When grandad came to get me, I didn't feel too much better although I put on a big boys brave face. It wasn't long at grandad's before I started to feel a bit dodgy again and I cuddled into nanna and grandad. I started breathing like I was scooby diving and I fell asleep next to grandad on the sofa. Mummy had made a pointment at the vets for me and nanna took me in whilst Millie walked grandad. The doctor lady put a funny clip on my earhole and I wasn't keen on that!!! She said I was too hot - lady, this dude is soooooo hot, I'm scary!!!! She then told nanna I had to go to the horse piddle for something and asked if we needed a Hambylence but nanna said it was ok as we had a grandad.
So off we went, to the horse piddle and a date with another bunch of doctors. They poked and prodded me, check my heart times and my temperature. They then gave me some of the purple medicine mummy gives me and some steroids. Great!!! By the time I'm 22, the steroids would've kicked in and I'll have arms like Popeye, a voice like Olive Oil's that will be so high that only dogs will hear me and no doubt, a willy the size of a gnats!!! This is not a good thing - and what happens if I get to the Lympiks??? I'll be positive on a medicine test and banned for life!!!! We stayed a little while longer, no - we stay a lot longer and then I was allowed to go home with mummy. Daddy took nanna home because I think granddad forgot her. Early night for me, mummy and daddy then we'll try again on Wednesday.
Bit of a funny night but on Wednesday morning, grandad was at my house nice and early and off we went for the last day of my punishment. I was feeling a lot better but still had the Scooby divers breathing but I was quite capable of having a giggle. I asked nanna for some paper and I sat down and done lots of drawing, granddad did have a little grumble when I turned to the wall with two big waxy crayons in my hands but I failed to see what he was worried about.
Granddad had to take Millie to the vets today because she felt left out when she was banned from my excursion yesterday. I hope she has the same doctor and hope she bit him because he was such a pokey noser. Me and nanna got fed up waiting for them to come home so I went for my kip and think nanna did some catching up with her tired eyes too.
Now then, my little kip actually wasn't. Bears and squirrels hibernate over shorter periods, the Ice Age would've transformed into the Very Damp Age in the time I 'kipped'!! Nanna cuddled me and I dossed off in the first place and when I woke up, grandad came upstairs to get me. I cuddled him then fell asleep again. Then I woke up once more, gave Millie a kiss then promptly fell asleep again - two and a half hours!!!!!!
The afternoon's itinerary involved some big, big pumpykins although I have no idea what a pumpykin is other than its big, ugly and scares kids. I've seen some people that can do the same job including granddad!!! Granddad bought two pumpykins in from Nanna's car where they grow (I know this because there are two more in there!) then he took out a big knife and cut the top off. Nanna said we had to gut it then showed me all the stringy bits and pips and asked me to help get this 'gunge' from the pumpykin. Yeah right nanna, pull the other one!!! Too messy, way too messy. She took a spoon and started to get the gunge out and then put the bits on some newspaper. I pushed some pips on the floor and when nanna bent down to pick them up, I threw the rest all over her. Great fun this pumpykin gutting. Grandad started the other one and me and nanna gutted this one too before grandad then went and drew all over the front of them!! He moaned at me for writing on the walls - and table and picture on the wall and floor and chairs and him - then he goes and does the same on Nanna's pumpykin!! Double standards or what?!?!
We had to give Millie another bath today, not a past-time that she best enjoys. In fact the only bit she enjoys is the getting out and running around like a lunatic bit. She has to have some special shampoo (granddad has to have special stuff too) and she has to have it all over because she's quite fluffy. When granddad gets her out, he gives her a good old rub with the towel and then lets her go. She runs out of the bathroom like a greyhound out of the traps at the races, she then rubs her face all over the carpet which doesn't tick too many boxes in the nanna department. Then she runs downstairs and around the front run where she looks like one half of Orville and Dean (I never knew that duck could skate!) before banging into the table and sofa. Its so funny - stupid dog.
Afterwards we had a little walk before coming back home for dinner where granddad tipped his drink all over himself. Whilst he dried up his big 'wee' patch, I pinched some of his dinner. LOL๐. When then went into play some games and puzzles and I put my drink on grandad's lap. After a few seconds, he jumped up and said "Not again!!" because I'd left my cup open and it dribbled all down his leg again.
I've felt a lot better this afternoon and hopefully mummy and daddy will get some sleep tonight - providing I can get to sleep after my hibernation. Tomorrow I think we're coming back YET AGAIN for some scary cakes and some fun with trick or treaters. Grandad had a large supply of eggs and flour in case they come to get him but he said don't tell anyone so shhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Time to go, catch you all next week
Dogg
Saturday, 26 October 2013
This morning and there is a knock on our front door and as its only the postie that knocks on our door on a Saturday morning, I ran to the door to see what he'd got for us. A magical clue awaited me as I made my way through our hallway, there was something human hanging out of the letterbox. There is only one person who even attempts to put anything human through our letterbox and I must add, I extremely surprised he's not been arrested over the years; my granddad!!!!
It was a nice surprise and I wasn't expecting it although mummy and daddy seemed to know he was coming. His trusty four-legged companion made a supersonic dash for the front room as her legs failed to even touch the hallway!!! Next thing I noticed was mummy and daddy had packed my Trunkie - I'm moving out by the look of things and if its granddad who is to educate me over the impressionable early period in my busy life, then I fear a life of debauchery and years on the run from the Rozzers!!!
We headed back via a trip to the bakehouse because I think this is the only way granddad knows!! You may recall that last week I ate an ambitious amount of the freebie cakes on the counter. Enough, it has to be said, to fed a small African country but it was there and I thought it would be rude not to accept my hosts hospitality so, with this in mind, I wore my sunnies as a disguise in anticipation of a repeat performance. Of course, being new to this plunder and pillaging, I hadn't banked on my aging accomplice going in dressed as he always is!!!! I need a new partner!! We simply made do with our bread rations and a sneaky gingerbread man and made a hasty retreat.
Nanna wasn't at home when we got there as she's learning to swim with a bunch of kids so me, the mutt and the old fella ran around the house like a bunch of hooligans at a footy match until I played the lightweight card and fell asleep. When I woke up, I watched lots out of the window and jumped about like a lunatic when nanna came home in her car. After some dinner, nanna's eyes got too heavy for her and she hibernated so the Three Musketeers made a bid for freedom and a wander around granddad's 'manor'. We went around his 'patch' then down and up Chapel Hill (where there is no chapel), past the little farmers who will lose their land soon so some inconsiderate builder can make a fortune on their vacated veggie patch (RBC you've got this soooooooo wrong but that's all I have to say about that), over to the Rec to watch local footy (but the team must've been away this week) and then back again in time to see nanna rise from a place granddad called Oblivion. I saw Uncle Ryan for a while but he'd been to the same place as nanna and in all honesty, he's a regular visitor there!
After some fish and stuff for dinner, I was allowed to run around to my hearts content for what seemed like ages and then it was bath time. I had now worked out that when I have bath time at granddad's, it means that he's keeping me for a while. Bath time is great fun, I'm allowed (I think) to get everything that is dry wet and everything that is wet wetter, nanna usually baths me now as granddad makes even more mess than I do. Millie has been known to look like a drowned rat (which I assume is very similar to a very wet small white dog) after he's bathed me. The paper has peeled off the walls at times and the fluffy floor on the landing is like a paddling pool.
Granddads big job this evening was the unenviable task of getting this pocket sized bundle of joy into a state of slumber in order for a peaceful evening. Not a task for the faint hearted I must admit but the old fella managed quite easily and apart from writing this under the covers with my Swashbuckle torch, I am as good as sound asleep. Granddad and nanna have a bonus in having me longer tonight because for some reason, everybody has to take their clocks back. Not sure where to but I assume the menders as they must be broken.
Extra special week from Monday to Wednesday next week so I'll report back on Thursday as explained last week.
Catch you later
Dogg
PS: mummy and daddy, don't worry about me tonight. I've got granddad under my little pinky and I'm sure he's going to behave himself. Have fun xxxx
It was a nice surprise and I wasn't expecting it although mummy and daddy seemed to know he was coming. His trusty four-legged companion made a supersonic dash for the front room as her legs failed to even touch the hallway!!! Next thing I noticed was mummy and daddy had packed my Trunkie - I'm moving out by the look of things and if its granddad who is to educate me over the impressionable early period in my busy life, then I fear a life of debauchery and years on the run from the Rozzers!!!
We headed back via a trip to the bakehouse because I think this is the only way granddad knows!! You may recall that last week I ate an ambitious amount of the freebie cakes on the counter. Enough, it has to be said, to fed a small African country but it was there and I thought it would be rude not to accept my hosts hospitality so, with this in mind, I wore my sunnies as a disguise in anticipation of a repeat performance. Of course, being new to this plunder and pillaging, I hadn't banked on my aging accomplice going in dressed as he always is!!!! I need a new partner!! We simply made do with our bread rations and a sneaky gingerbread man and made a hasty retreat.
Nanna wasn't at home when we got there as she's learning to swim with a bunch of kids so me, the mutt and the old fella ran around the house like a bunch of hooligans at a footy match until I played the lightweight card and fell asleep. When I woke up, I watched lots out of the window and jumped about like a lunatic when nanna came home in her car. After some dinner, nanna's eyes got too heavy for her and she hibernated so the Three Musketeers made a bid for freedom and a wander around granddad's 'manor'. We went around his 'patch' then down and up Chapel Hill (where there is no chapel), past the little farmers who will lose their land soon so some inconsiderate builder can make a fortune on their vacated veggie patch (RBC you've got this soooooooo wrong but that's all I have to say about that), over to the Rec to watch local footy (but the team must've been away this week) and then back again in time to see nanna rise from a place granddad called Oblivion. I saw Uncle Ryan for a while but he'd been to the same place as nanna and in all honesty, he's a regular visitor there!
After some fish and stuff for dinner, I was allowed to run around to my hearts content for what seemed like ages and then it was bath time. I had now worked out that when I have bath time at granddad's, it means that he's keeping me for a while. Bath time is great fun, I'm allowed (I think) to get everything that is dry wet and everything that is wet wetter, nanna usually baths me now as granddad makes even more mess than I do. Millie has been known to look like a drowned rat (which I assume is very similar to a very wet small white dog) after he's bathed me. The paper has peeled off the walls at times and the fluffy floor on the landing is like a paddling pool.
Granddads big job this evening was the unenviable task of getting this pocket sized bundle of joy into a state of slumber in order for a peaceful evening. Not a task for the faint hearted I must admit but the old fella managed quite easily and apart from writing this under the covers with my Swashbuckle torch, I am as good as sound asleep. Granddad and nanna have a bonus in having me longer tonight because for some reason, everybody has to take their clocks back. Not sure where to but I assume the menders as they must be broken.
Extra special week from Monday to Wednesday next week so I'll report back on Thursday as explained last week.
Catch you later
Dogg
PS: mummy and daddy, don't worry about me tonight. I've got granddad under my little pinky and I'm sure he's going to behave himself. Have fun xxxx
Monday, 21 October 2013
I have to start with a story from last week about a school banning the use of 'street' language. I have to admit that I'm slightly disappointed with this stance taken by the school and I hope other schools don't take up the same option before 2017. That should be when I start proper school and I don't want to miss out on being 'cool' with my fellow gangsters. So, just in case I miss out, here's my attempt with a short note to my forthcoming Headmaster:
Yo, teacher dude. Basically, coz you 'ave tried to ban little dudes using dis cool talk, me finks you es going extra wrong on de subject, yeah. Coz we likes to talk-de-talk, we aint 'appy wiv old geezers telling us proper beau gangsters how we can talk, yeah? Basically, if we talked all posh and pompous like yous dus, we'd 'ave our 'kin 'eads kicked in, innit yeah? Dis es wrong man, innit? How d'you like it if it woz yous? Nah, you aint gunna be 'appy bro, es ya?
Respect man, be cool yeah!!
There you go, if I talk like this with my hat on backwards fronty and wear my sunnies dangling under my chin, I'd be proper scary!!
And so my enchanting tale of yesterday's activities at granddads begins:
8 am - No granddad
9 am - NO GRANDDAD
10 am - NO GRANDDAD
11 am - NO GRANDDAD
I check my calendar and I know I have the right day but there is still no granddad knocking at my door. Daddy is home, mummy is at work but granddad seems to have forgotten me - no, wait - a knock at the door, a wrinkly old hand poking through my letters box. He's here at last but I don't know what he has to smile about.
On our way back we go to the meat shop to buy some chickens but they didn't seem to have any so granddad picked up a packet of floppy grey stuff instead. He held out a little bag and asked me to throw some potatoes into it. One-two-one-one-two-six-one-one potatoes all in the bag and a couple on the floor too but we picked them up. We took the one potatoes to the meat shop man along with the floppy grey meat and I paid some paper money to him.
We then went to our favourite shop called Warings and got some brown bread and some rolls that weren't as good as the ones we made the other week. On the counter there was some sliced up bits of cake that the ladies must've broken. They left them for us to try and granddad gave me a little bit of one. "Hmmmmmm" I said and then asked for more. It was really licious and granddad said it was all gone. No it wasn't granddad, I'm not a stupid boy!!! I had some more before granddad dragged me outside to go home to his house.
As we haven't had long today, there isn't much that we can tell you but I did make granddad bleed this morning. In a carefully conducted experiment, I have come to the conclusion that my wooden bus isn't the best thing to hit granddad on the head with. He had a little leaking red bit and watery eyes too!! I didn't mean to, it just happened - honest. As he still loves me, it doesn't really matter anyway.
I am also slightly disappointed with the New York City Council. This week they have removed a lot of the pictures that Banksy and Co have made in the city. It appears they have done the same job in granddad's bedroom too as my wibbly, wobbly drawing from the other day has gone!! Some people have no taste whatsoever when it comes to Arts and Culture in the modern world. I'd now had a gutful and about two o'clock, I decided it was time for a kip.
Other than that, its been an very short day and pretty 'normal', so next week granddad said we will have some special days as I'm moving in with him for a while. On Saturday night, mummy and daddy areout on the pis... out at a wedding and I'm having a sleepy over and then for three days, THREE WHOLE DAYS, I have to babysit granddad and nanna too. Not sure what's planned but I feel a swimming lesson, a day at the pub and one at the races could be on the agenda. I know granddad is looking forward to it so we'll have some extra fun. Instead of my daily report next week, I will do an extra long one at the end of the week on Thursday.
I'm afraid that's it for today so until next week....
Dogg
Yo, teacher dude. Basically, coz you 'ave tried to ban little dudes using dis cool talk, me finks you es going extra wrong on de subject, yeah. Coz we likes to talk-de-talk, we aint 'appy wiv old geezers telling us proper beau gangsters how we can talk, yeah? Basically, if we talked all posh and pompous like yous dus, we'd 'ave our 'kin 'eads kicked in, innit yeah? Dis es wrong man, innit? How d'you like it if it woz yous? Nah, you aint gunna be 'appy bro, es ya?
Respect man, be cool yeah!!
There you go, if I talk like this with my hat on backwards fronty and wear my sunnies dangling under my chin, I'd be proper scary!!
And so my enchanting tale of yesterday's activities at granddads begins:
8 am - No granddad
9 am - NO GRANDDAD
10 am - NO GRANDDAD
11 am - NO GRANDDAD
I check my calendar and I know I have the right day but there is still no granddad knocking at my door. Daddy is home, mummy is at work but granddad seems to have forgotten me - no, wait - a knock at the door, a wrinkly old hand poking through my letters box. He's here at last but I don't know what he has to smile about.
On our way back we go to the meat shop to buy some chickens but they didn't seem to have any so granddad picked up a packet of floppy grey stuff instead. He held out a little bag and asked me to throw some potatoes into it. One-two-one-one-two-six-one-one potatoes all in the bag and a couple on the floor too but we picked them up. We took the one potatoes to the meat shop man along with the floppy grey meat and I paid some paper money to him.
We then went to our favourite shop called Warings and got some brown bread and some rolls that weren't as good as the ones we made the other week. On the counter there was some sliced up bits of cake that the ladies must've broken. They left them for us to try and granddad gave me a little bit of one. "Hmmmmmm" I said and then asked for more. It was really licious and granddad said it was all gone. No it wasn't granddad, I'm not a stupid boy!!! I had some more before granddad dragged me outside to go home to his house.
As we haven't had long today, there isn't much that we can tell you but I did make granddad bleed this morning. In a carefully conducted experiment, I have come to the conclusion that my wooden bus isn't the best thing to hit granddad on the head with. He had a little leaking red bit and watery eyes too!! I didn't mean to, it just happened - honest. As he still loves me, it doesn't really matter anyway.
I am also slightly disappointed with the New York City Council. This week they have removed a lot of the pictures that Banksy and Co have made in the city. It appears they have done the same job in granddad's bedroom too as my wibbly, wobbly drawing from the other day has gone!! Some people have no taste whatsoever when it comes to Arts and Culture in the modern world. I'd now had a gutful and about two o'clock, I decided it was time for a kip.
Other than that, its been an very short day and pretty 'normal', so next week granddad said we will have some special days as I'm moving in with him for a while. On Saturday night, mummy and daddy are
I'm afraid that's it for today so until next week....
Dogg
Thursday, 17 October 2013
EXTRA MIDWEEK POST
Oh deary me, oh deary, deary me. I feel really yuk today. You know the feeling, you sit on the potty and don't know if you're going to fill your bib or your nappy!!!
So instead of going to the childkeepers like normal, daddy asked granddad if he could look after me as I was feeling crook. Bang on time and before any sign of a dirty diaper, granddad appeared and took me to the car. Now it has to be said that I probably wasn't at my very bestest this morning and I did kick off a little bit as he tried to put me in my car seat. If you don't know whether you can trust a cough or a fart without the worry of ejecting copious amounts of various body fluids, you too my friend, would feel a little less than cranky.
Back at Chez Fossil, I got out of the car to a lovely welcome from Millie which was like an instant pick-me-up. All of a sudden, the day looked rosier, my coughs would tickle my throat and once again a fart could be trusted not to fill my nappy. Result................!
Now then, I can confirm as evidence in a court of law, a statement made by nanna on more than one occasion when instructing her spouse on how to occupy a little gangster like myself. Quote; "Do some drawing with him, he'll like that" she told him. "Kids love to draw", she would continue. So, whilst granddad was in need of a nappy change himself, I took it upon myself to do a little exploring and I found a stick somewhere but as granddad has no idea from where, I'm not in a position to divulge such sensitive information. Granddad called out to me to ask what I was doing which is quite a silly option to take when I can't talk!! If I could I would simply say "Nothing granddad" to rest his inquisitive mind. After a minute, well actually several minutes - quite a lot of several minutes to be honest - granddad had sorted himself out and popped into his bedroom to see me. I said "Look granddad" in a proud voice as I showed him a great trick - the stick could write on the wall and I'd made a pattern on it that would've sold for millions if Banksy had done it!!! Nanna will be delighted with it
Its nanna's birthday tomorrow and I think she's 19 (what a creep I am) and granddad, in his usual highly organised way, had to get her the usual birthday pleasantries and funny card - at the last minute. We left Millie at home so we would be allowed in the shops without drawing attention to ourselves from the Happy Police and we went into a shop (lol, no clues nanna. We're not stupid!!), got the present, got a card and then went off to put a paper letter thing into Uncle Ryan's bank. Then we made our way home.
Once home, I blew the fart theory right out of the window and filled - to the very brim - my nappy with an abundant supply of garden fertiliser and a smell that would no doubt outlast religion!!! Granddad went a funny colour again!!!Mummy came home from work looking worse than I did, she had a cup of tea or at least most of it and then took me back home.
Hopefully we'll all be on solid's in the bathroom by the end of the week and then back to normal next week.
Catch you laters.............
Dogg
PS - Nanna, my present is on your bedroom wall. Hope you like it, it could be worth millions. Happy Birthday, Nanna
Oh deary me, oh deary, deary me. I feel really yuk today. You know the feeling, you sit on the potty and don't know if you're going to fill your bib or your nappy!!!
So instead of going to the childkeepers like normal, daddy asked granddad if he could look after me as I was feeling crook. Bang on time and before any sign of a dirty diaper, granddad appeared and took me to the car. Now it has to be said that I probably wasn't at my very bestest this morning and I did kick off a little bit as he tried to put me in my car seat. If you don't know whether you can trust a cough or a fart without the worry of ejecting copious amounts of various body fluids, you too my friend, would feel a little less than cranky.
Back at Chez Fossil, I got out of the car to a lovely welcome from Millie which was like an instant pick-me-up. All of a sudden, the day looked rosier, my coughs would tickle my throat and once again a fart could be trusted not to fill my nappy. Result................!
Now then, I can confirm as evidence in a court of law, a statement made by nanna on more than one occasion when instructing her spouse on how to occupy a little gangster like myself. Quote; "Do some drawing with him, he'll like that" she told him. "Kids love to draw", she would continue. So, whilst granddad was in need of a nappy change himself, I took it upon myself to do a little exploring and I found a stick somewhere but as granddad has no idea from where, I'm not in a position to divulge such sensitive information. Granddad called out to me to ask what I was doing which is quite a silly option to take when I can't talk!! If I could I would simply say "Nothing granddad" to rest his inquisitive mind. After a minute, well actually several minutes - quite a lot of several minutes to be honest - granddad had sorted himself out and popped into his bedroom to see me. I said "Look granddad" in a proud voice as I showed him a great trick - the stick could write on the wall and I'd made a pattern on it that would've sold for millions if Banksy had done it!!! Nanna will be delighted with it
Its nanna's birthday tomorrow and I think she's 19 (what a creep I am) and granddad, in his usual highly organised way, had to get her the usual birthday pleasantries and funny card - at the last minute. We left Millie at home so we would be allowed in the shops without drawing attention to ourselves from the Happy Police and we went into a shop (lol, no clues nanna. We're not stupid!!), got the present, got a card and then went off to put a paper letter thing into Uncle Ryan's bank. Then we made our way home.
Once home, I blew the fart theory right out of the window and filled - to the very brim - my nappy with an abundant supply of garden fertiliser and a smell that would no doubt outlast religion!!! Granddad went a funny colour again!!!Mummy came home from work looking worse than I did, she had a cup of tea or at least most of it and then took me back home.
Hopefully we'll all be on solid's in the bathroom by the end of the week and then back to normal next week.
Catch you laters.............
Dogg
PS - Nanna, my present is on your bedroom wall. Hope you like it, it could be worth millions. Happy Birthday, Nanna
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
So, today there's some sort of footy match going on near London I hear. If England win they get to go on holiday to a place called Brazil where the ladies wear not many clothes on the Coconut and Banana Beach and the men all lay face down in the sand for reasons of which I have no idea. Seems stupid that with all those girls around and the fellas don't look.
This football match has about 80% of the local town population gripped in its vice-like jaws. For these local guys, this is a making or breaking game and they will be dancing in the streets if they win or running riot if they lose. It is just as important for the other 20% - who will do the same if England win!!
For all my Polish Fans, the following note (don't worry its not rude):
Do wszystkich moich maลych polskich uczniรณw i przyjaciรณล, moลผe dziล ลผyczฤ wam powodzenia w meczu piลki noลผnej z Angliฤ . Proszฤ nie wychodziฤ i szalaล po ulicach miasta, kiedy traci dzisiaj. tylko wyjฤ tkiem, ลผe sฤ "znacznie lepiej niลผ ty", ktรณry jest, dlaczego sฤ oczywiลcie tutaj na pierwszym miejscu. W tym pamiฤtaฤ, ลผyczฤ wam na poลผegnanie.
Right, yesterday at granddads was another cooky day and it was great fun. In the morning we watched a telly show about Lobsters, ugly looking critters that granddad says are nice to eat. EAT? Why on earth would anybody want to eat these yukky looking things, they have big grabbers on the front for mashing up things like crabs and cars and things, they had waggy tails and seemed to swim backwards. How stupid is that??
When I first got to granddads, I went upstairs to wake Uncle Ryan up as he was off for the day. He woke up with eyes like a Chinaman, said "Hello Dogg" and fell asleep again so an hour or so later, I ran up stairs to change my nappy with granddad and I wanted to take the wet one into Uncle Ryan and slap it on his head but granddad wouldn't let me. I walked to his bed and Uncle Ryan's eyes were now mended and he gave me a big cuddle after I jumped on him. He makes me laugh, he's so funny.
When granddad said it was dinner time and Homlet was on the menu so I dragged the big chair over to the working top and decided to help him. We broke some eggs, hundreds of them and bashed them up into a bowl. Granddad then turned on the cooker and we poured the eggs into the big flat pan. He cut up some cheese and I borrowed a bit, so he cut up some more then put it into the Homlet. That was it - as simples as the Meerkat.com. He cut some off then put it on my plate and he then ate the rest.
Now that the summer has gone, we're at the start of the wet season. This means that we all have to go around in big nappies to stay dry. Answer me this if you please; why did we stay in all day to play games and eat food and then go for our walk just as it started to rain? Who in their right mind takes out a young gentleman (namely me) when there is a risk of getting ones hair messed up? It's ok for the old fella, he has no need for a decent hairstyle but mine went all frizzy and I looked like the fizzy girl on Corrie. Now it was on this walk of ours around the quiet suburbs near granddads house that we came across 3 ladies, all at separate times but each of them made a bee-line for us (whats a bee-line? Can't be a straight line as bees fly like butterflies and go all wiggly around the sky). The first lady was about granddads age or thereabouts and she came over saying "Hello beautiful" as she walked. Granddad smiled, I went all cooty and she went straight to Millie!!! The second was a young girl about 18/19 and she was just as complementary as she approached us. I smiled, granddad went all cooty and yes, she went straight for Millie. Now the third lady was a nice Chinese lady who once again muttered things about looking 'gorgeous and ruvvery' and she too, made straight to Millie. Me and granddad exchanged looks and decided the lady was thinking "Yes, ruvvery with vegetables and lice in a cully". Needless to say we made or excuses and bid her a fond farewell.
Once back, we headed for the kitchen again and granddad got some chicken ready with some spicy powder stuff. Some taytoes with garlic and the usual vegetables for healthy living. Nanna came home just as it was ready and granddad put it out along with some fishies for nanna.
Next week the plan is to make mummy and daddy some fairy cakes and I'm going to get messy, granddad says I can break the eggs, I can mix the talcy powder stuff but he has to do the hot cooker stuff. Then we have to try six or seven of them to make sure they're ok and then send any left home to mummy and daddy. Can't wait already......
Dogg
This football match has about 80% of the local town population gripped in its vice-like jaws. For these local guys, this is a making or breaking game and they will be dancing in the streets if they win or running riot if they lose. It is just as important for the other 20% - who will do the same if England win!!
For all my Polish Fans, the following note (don't worry its not rude):
Do wszystkich moich maลych polskich uczniรณw i przyjaciรณล, moลผe dziล ลผyczฤ wam powodzenia w meczu piลki noลผnej z Angliฤ . Proszฤ nie wychodziฤ i szalaล po ulicach miasta, kiedy traci dzisiaj. tylko wyjฤ tkiem, ลผe sฤ "znacznie lepiej niลผ ty", ktรณry jest, dlaczego sฤ oczywiลcie tutaj na pierwszym miejscu. W tym pamiฤtaฤ, ลผyczฤ wam na poลผegnanie.
Right, yesterday at granddads was another cooky day and it was great fun. In the morning we watched a telly show about Lobsters, ugly looking critters that granddad says are nice to eat. EAT? Why on earth would anybody want to eat these yukky looking things, they have big grabbers on the front for mashing up things like crabs and cars and things, they had waggy tails and seemed to swim backwards. How stupid is that??
When I first got to granddads, I went upstairs to wake Uncle Ryan up as he was off for the day. He woke up with eyes like a Chinaman, said "Hello Dogg" and fell asleep again so an hour or so later, I ran up stairs to change my nappy with granddad and I wanted to take the wet one into Uncle Ryan and slap it on his head but granddad wouldn't let me. I walked to his bed and Uncle Ryan's eyes were now mended and he gave me a big cuddle after I jumped on him. He makes me laugh, he's so funny.
When granddad said it was dinner time and Homlet was on the menu so I dragged the big chair over to the working top and decided to help him. We broke some eggs, hundreds of them and bashed them up into a bowl. Granddad then turned on the cooker and we poured the eggs into the big flat pan. He cut up some cheese and I borrowed a bit, so he cut up some more then put it into the Homlet. That was it - as simples as the Meerkat.com. He cut some off then put it on my plate and he then ate the rest.
Now that the summer has gone, we're at the start of the wet season. This means that we all have to go around in big nappies to stay dry. Answer me this if you please; why did we stay in all day to play games and eat food and then go for our walk just as it started to rain? Who in their right mind takes out a young gentleman (namely me) when there is a risk of getting ones hair messed up? It's ok for the old fella, he has no need for a decent hairstyle but mine went all frizzy and I looked like the fizzy girl on Corrie. Now it was on this walk of ours around the quiet suburbs near granddads house that we came across 3 ladies, all at separate times but each of them made a bee-line for us (whats a bee-line? Can't be a straight line as bees fly like butterflies and go all wiggly around the sky). The first lady was about granddads age or thereabouts and she came over saying "Hello beautiful" as she walked. Granddad smiled, I went all cooty and she went straight to Millie!!! The second was a young girl about 18/19 and she was just as complementary as she approached us. I smiled, granddad went all cooty and yes, she went straight for Millie. Now the third lady was a nice Chinese lady who once again muttered things about looking 'gorgeous and ruvvery' and she too, made straight to Millie. Me and granddad exchanged looks and decided the lady was thinking "Yes, ruvvery with vegetables and lice in a cully". Needless to say we made or excuses and bid her a fond farewell.
Once back, we headed for the kitchen again and granddad got some chicken ready with some spicy powder stuff. Some taytoes with garlic and the usual vegetables for healthy living. Nanna came home just as it was ready and granddad put it out along with some fishies for nanna.
Next week the plan is to make mummy and daddy some fairy cakes and I'm going to get messy, granddad says I can break the eggs, I can mix the talcy powder stuff but he has to do the hot cooker stuff. Then we have to try six or seven of them to make sure they're ok and then send any left home to mummy and daddy. Can't wait already......
ลปegnaj teraz
Tuesday, 8 October 2013
Today has been a day of challenges, not the usual barmy day that my host and his guest usually encounter but a day where we ran the risk of something doing considerably breasts upwards (Nanna won't like me saying tits up so I won't).
First challenge was getting grandad to pick me up on time. It's not like him to be late but he had to do some worky stuff at 4am. I waited and waited and waited until finally, my smooth topped grandad arrived in his different car. Proper transport for The Dogg this morning, a nice curvy Swedish girl rather than the tattered old French thing that I usually get. I felt like Prince George, that new royal fella.
Today's pilgrimage through the rosy suburbs of our quiet neighbourhood took us the back way to town where we saw an ideal opportunity to have some fun in a game grandad called 'Run the Gauntlet'. In town there were various groups of neatly dressed people with clipboards and they were stopping people to ask questions about 'Saving the Whale' (I'm not too sure which one though and I'm disappointed that it only seems to be the one whale), 'Thoughts on recycling' (no good to us as we bought the car in and not the bike) and 'Amazon Rain Forest Protection' (this amused us considerably as they were standing next to some workmen who were cutting down a tree). Our plan, sorry, grandads plan was to walk amongst these clipboarders and see if we could get from one end of the street to the other without getting stopped. Our first run was rather easy because granddad walked too far away from them but me, Millie and the Old Fella had a quick huddle at the end of the run and decided to live a little more dangerous so, on our second run, we walked really close to the clipboarders but without making any eye contact. My heart was going bumperty, bumperty, bump all the way but we made it. Huddle and game plan number two; this time granddad actually drove us towards these people AND attempted to make eye contact. When the man or lady smiled and was about talk, we would simply steer away from them and leave them in mid sentence. To be honest, I failed to see the funny side other than driving fast at people then doing a last minute swervy thing, although that made me chuckle a lot - grandad on the other hand was in fits of uncontrollable laughter, leaving me somewhat embarrassed and the general public wondering if he really should be in charge of two dogs in a busy street!!!
After dinner, we had the most bestest fun for ages!!! Hells Kitchen would provide host to me and grandad making some bread (not money, eaty bread). Dolly texted nanna about some bread stuff and she said to granddad that it would be a good idea for him to make some bread with me - nanna doesn't really understand the pressures of modern day culinary events at home with little people. At work its different, who cares at work as the cleany ladies have better skills at tidying up than grandad. Before we started, I suffered the indignity of being stripped down to my nappy and then being forced to wear my snazzy apron. Grandad said it was to keep my clothes from getting too grubby but that doesn't seem to bother him normally, so today I am the Nearly Naked Chef!! I did notice that he never attempted to get down to his nappy!!
Grandad said we needed some greedy ants or something so we could make the bread. He got this enormous bag of talcum powder-like stuff from Millie's treat cupboard and read the structions on the back of the packet, well he tried to as I kept taking his glasses of him! He read it out loud so I could help him get the greedy ants:
After he made it into a massive lump of mess, he tried to hide it in the hairy cupboard for an hour. For someone married to nanna for so long, he sure does ask for trouble! After a while, an hour I assume, he mashed it again, hid it back in the hairy cupboard then took it out once more to put it in the oven. I think he was trying to keep it a secret from nanna but I knew she would see because of the mess he'd made with the talc on the floor.
After a had a little snooze, grandad took some little bread rolls out of the oven but they didn't look the same as the ones he tried to hide, he must've made some more whilst I slept. He took off a smidgy bit and gave it to me - hmmmmmmmmm, it was scrumptious. He put the others on a plate to get cold then tried to tidy up before nanna came home then we sat and read some books where I started to learn yellow and Squidge (Millie's toy).
After nanna came home, I had some chicken, rice and veggies before daddy came over to get me. Nanna didn't like grandad's bread rolls so told daddy to take them home.
Yet another great day at Hells Kitchen and I can't wait for the next attempt to use our culinary magic with grandad in his version called 'Fifteen Hour Meals'.
Hast manana
Dogg
Today's pilgrimage through the rosy suburbs of our quiet neighbourhood took us the back way to town where we saw an ideal opportunity to have some fun in a game grandad called 'Run the Gauntlet'. In town there were various groups of neatly dressed people with clipboards and they were stopping people to ask questions about 'Saving the Whale' (I'm not too sure which one though and I'm disappointed that it only seems to be the one whale), 'Thoughts on recycling' (no good to us as we bought the car in and not the bike) and 'Amazon Rain Forest Protection' (this amused us considerably as they were standing next to some workmen who were cutting down a tree). Our plan, sorry, grandads plan was to walk amongst these clipboarders and see if we could get from one end of the street to the other without getting stopped. Our first run was rather easy because granddad walked too far away from them but me, Millie and the Old Fella had a quick huddle at the end of the run and decided to live a little more dangerous so, on our second run, we walked really close to the clipboarders but without making any eye contact. My heart was going bumperty, bumperty, bump all the way but we made it. Huddle and game plan number two; this time granddad actually drove us towards these people AND attempted to make eye contact. When the man or lady smiled and was about talk, we would simply steer away from them and leave them in mid sentence. To be honest, I failed to see the funny side other than driving fast at people then doing a last minute swervy thing, although that made me chuckle a lot - grandad on the other hand was in fits of uncontrollable laughter, leaving me somewhat embarrassed and the general public wondering if he really should be in charge of two dogs in a busy street!!!
After dinner, we had the most bestest fun for ages!!! Hells Kitchen would provide host to me and grandad making some bread (not money, eaty bread). Dolly texted nanna about some bread stuff and she said to granddad that it would be a good idea for him to make some bread with me - nanna doesn't really understand the pressures of modern day culinary events at home with little people. At work its different, who cares at work as the cleany ladies have better skills at tidying up than grandad. Before we started, I suffered the indignity of being stripped down to my nappy and then being forced to wear my snazzy apron. Grandad said it was to keep my clothes from getting too grubby but that doesn't seem to bother him normally, so today I am the Nearly Naked Chef!! I did notice that he never attempted to get down to his nappy!!
Grandad said we needed some greedy ants or something so we could make the bread. He got this enormous bag of talcum powder-like stuff from Millie's treat cupboard and read the structions on the back of the packet, well he tried to as I kept taking his glasses of him! He read it out loud so I could help him get the greedy ants:
- 500g flowers - I wasn't sure what the 'g' was but imagined it was a Merican recipe and the 'g' meant 'grannies', so off I popped to get 500 of grannies flowers from the garden. This didn't please grandad too much and needless to say will please nanna even less!!
- A knob of butter!!! - Excuse me! You can cook with those????
- 1 tbsp of Beast - Millie? Garden bugs? I have no idea!
- 1 tbsp of Salt
- 1 tbsp of Sugar
- 2 Batteries - These weren't in the greedy ants but I put them in anyway. Grandad took one out straight away but didn't see the other until after the hairy cupboard bit.
After he made it into a massive lump of mess, he tried to hide it in the hairy cupboard for an hour. For someone married to nanna for so long, he sure does ask for trouble! After a while, an hour I assume, he mashed it again, hid it back in the hairy cupboard then took it out once more to put it in the oven. I think he was trying to keep it a secret from nanna but I knew she would see because of the mess he'd made with the talc on the floor.
After a had a little snooze, grandad took some little bread rolls out of the oven but they didn't look the same as the ones he tried to hide, he must've made some more whilst I slept. He took off a smidgy bit and gave it to me - hmmmmmmmmm, it was scrumptious. He put the others on a plate to get cold then tried to tidy up before nanna came home then we sat and read some books where I started to learn yellow and Squidge (Millie's toy).
After nanna came home, I had some chicken, rice and veggies before daddy came over to get me. Nanna didn't like grandad's bread rolls so told daddy to take them home.
Yet another great day at Hells Kitchen and I can't wait for the next attempt to use our culinary magic with grandad in his version called 'Fifteen Hour Meals'.
Hast manana
Dogg
Monday, 30 September 2013
What a day I've had today. All go, go, go. All work and no play!!! This is not the way a growing lad needs to be like.
We looked on tinternet this morning and I've no idea how we found it but grandad found a page about a man called "Shipwreck Kelly". There were two, one was an American footballer which isn't football as they carry it but the other man is who catched our attention. He was famous for sitting on poles for days at a time. They called him Shipwreck Kelly because he survived the boat that turned into a submarine after hitting that ice cube thing. They sent him food up on a long stick and I assume he sends down wee and ploppies the same way but hopefully in a different bucket!!! It's brilliant, he's my new hero and I'm going to practice when I'm older. Grandad says there are hundreds of Poles in town who I can practice with but I'm not sure I'll get as high with them.
We had to take Millie to the doggy doctors today as she has a blister on her hoof. We got there in true grandad style - about two hours too early - so we had to wait and wait and wait. I decided it was time to explore and it wasn't long before I gave grandad an achy head. Some of you will know that I have this little thing with Millie leaving her dinner and water bowls on the floor. They have to be picked up as soon as I make my entry into Chez Grandad's. Now, at the doggy doctors there's a bowl in the reception area with some water in it along with a massive rock (apparently the rock makes doggies wee wee tastier and it doesn't burn the grass!!). I took it upon myself, whilst grandad signed Millie in, to pick up the bowl of not-so-much water now and the big rock. It went everywhere and after grandad took his head out of his hands and he'd stopped jumping up and frown like a demented monkey (I believe this is not the first time he's been described as that either!!!), he told the lady that a dog must've tipped it over and she mopped it up.
We went in and the doggy doctor lady, a rather nice looking specimen it must be said and one that didn't go unnoticed in the old fellas eyes, took a look at Millie then took her out back to mend her poorly hoof. When she came back, Millie ran out at 100 mph to grandad, he paid some more of that paper money stuff (he's been very generous the last few weeks) and we made a hasty exit with some little sweets for Millie.
I was very tired on the way to the doggy doctors and it was bad enough that grandad waked me up as we went in but blow me down he done the same when we got home. I was just dropping off into noddyland when he got me out of the car. My eyes were really sleepy and achy. They woke up a bit when grandad conjured up a fine plate of his finest clucklebury cuisine and after a few minutes playing, I stood still for a few minutes and then fell over!! Grandad said I actually fell asleep standing up, now THAT is a clever trick. Grandad took me upstairs to bed and I enjoyed a few sleepy winks.
After my little breather we went to buy some chicken and other stuff for dinner (or tea in old mans talk) and then we got back and cooked it and played outside. When we came in, grandad showed me a game that was on the telly before I was made. It was called "Bring on the wall". Now, in this game, people have to make the shape that comes towards them on a wall. If they get it right, they're ok. If not, they end up in the watery pool. Grandad went to walk through the door into the kitchen and it be honest, it's not hard to make the shape of a door is it? Dead easy to get through a hole like that I hear you say - no, not for grandad. As he walked through the door, he missed and "Bring on the wall" won because he bumped his head on the door frame. I followed him through and made it without a hitch so I'm the winner 'GO, GO, GO,'
Usual performances after this, nanna came home and took over from grandad, tea/dinner was consumed at a faster rate than Lewis Hamilton drives and then grandad escaped out the back door when mummy came by.
Catch you all next week
DOGG
We looked on tinternet this morning and I've no idea how we found it but grandad found a page about a man called "Shipwreck Kelly". There were two, one was an American footballer which isn't football as they carry it but the other man is who catched our attention. He was famous for sitting on poles for days at a time. They called him Shipwreck Kelly because he survived the boat that turned into a submarine after hitting that ice cube thing. They sent him food up on a long stick and I assume he sends down wee and ploppies the same way but hopefully in a different bucket!!! It's brilliant, he's my new hero and I'm going to practice when I'm older. Grandad says there are hundreds of Poles in town who I can practice with but I'm not sure I'll get as high with them.
We had to take Millie to the doggy doctors today as she has a blister on her hoof. We got there in true grandad style - about two hours too early - so we had to wait and wait and wait. I decided it was time to explore and it wasn't long before I gave grandad an achy head. Some of you will know that I have this little thing with Millie leaving her dinner and water bowls on the floor. They have to be picked up as soon as I make my entry into Chez Grandad's. Now, at the doggy doctors there's a bowl in the reception area with some water in it along with a massive rock (apparently the rock makes doggies wee wee tastier and it doesn't burn the grass!!). I took it upon myself, whilst grandad signed Millie in, to pick up the bowl of not-so-much water now and the big rock. It went everywhere and after grandad took his head out of his hands and he'd stopped jumping up and frown like a demented monkey (I believe this is not the first time he's been described as that either!!!), he told the lady that a dog must've tipped it over and she mopped it up.
We went in and the doggy doctor lady, a rather nice looking specimen it must be said and one that didn't go unnoticed in the old fellas eyes, took a look at Millie then took her out back to mend her poorly hoof. When she came back, Millie ran out at 100 mph to grandad, he paid some more of that paper money stuff (he's been very generous the last few weeks) and we made a hasty exit with some little sweets for Millie.
I was very tired on the way to the doggy doctors and it was bad enough that grandad waked me up as we went in but blow me down he done the same when we got home. I was just dropping off into noddyland when he got me out of the car. My eyes were really sleepy and achy. They woke up a bit when grandad conjured up a fine plate of his finest clucklebury cuisine and after a few minutes playing, I stood still for a few minutes and then fell over!! Grandad said I actually fell asleep standing up, now THAT is a clever trick. Grandad took me upstairs to bed and I enjoyed a few sleepy winks.
After my little breather we went to buy some chicken and other stuff for dinner (or tea in old mans talk) and then we got back and cooked it and played outside. When we came in, grandad showed me a game that was on the telly before I was made. It was called "Bring on the wall". Now, in this game, people have to make the shape that comes towards them on a wall. If they get it right, they're ok. If not, they end up in the watery pool. Grandad went to walk through the door into the kitchen and it be honest, it's not hard to make the shape of a door is it? Dead easy to get through a hole like that I hear you say - no, not for grandad. As he walked through the door, he missed and "Bring on the wall" won because he bumped his head on the door frame. I followed him through and made it without a hitch so I'm the winner 'GO, GO, GO,'
Usual performances after this, nanna came home and took over from grandad, tea/dinner was consumed at a faster rate than Lewis Hamilton drives and then grandad escaped out the back door when mummy came by.
Catch you all next week
DOGG
Monday, 23 September 2013
Today was like a being at school day. Nanna had asked granddad to try and teach me the words to some body parts. Now I'm not an Oxford scholar but I'm not stupid either, granddad teaching me words about body parts - is that really wise, Nanna????
So "head, shoulder, knees and toes" looks likely to take on a slightly different angle. Granddad asked Nanna if "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" counts but she said it was hardly appropriate - obviously because silly granddad forgot that I don't have a wallet.
After watching some programme on monkeys, I brought in the book that I got from Mr Postie from our Wiltshire branch of the family. Now I'm not sure how the link goes but Lisa is daddies cousin, so that must make her son Cody and daddies son, me, like cousins once-removed-twice-turned-around-upside-inwards and put back again but nonetheless, we are related. Lisa had Cody before mummy had me so that makes him older and much more mature. I guess at three months older, he's nearly working now.
The book Lisa and Cody sent was all about babysitting granddad. Not granddad babysitting kids, the other way around and believe me, there are times when I've needed to take granddad under my wing (I don't have real wings or any Red Bulls which give you some). He doesn't quite need a nappy change (oh yes, that day will come granddad!!) but he does make some funny noises which would indicate the possibility of soiled grundies.
At lunch time, I often feel the need to feed the daft old fossil as he constantly dribbles his tea down his top. I read books to him like "This little piggy went to Meerkat" but today's book "How to babysit granddad" is brilliant and I felt it was time to sit with him and explain what I'm going to do to look after him: sun cream on his napper in the hot, lots of jumpers in the cold and Weblington boots in the wet. Granddad drawed a picture and we stuck it on his microwave because his fridge doesn't let us stick pictures with those magnet things. By the way, I'm still a babe magnet! Lisa and Cody, we both thank you for the book - ssshhhhhh, granddad has dozed off after our fun.
After dozey time, we packed up the car and went for our mid-morning walkabout. As we drove down the road, a stupid man pulled out in front of us and granddad started shouting some body part names at the stupid man so Nanna, mission accomplished!!!!!!!! Granddad can use some of my bum cream if he needs it because we went to a place called Scratcham, near Newbury. Granddad had to pick up a smelly old carpet that didn't smell anymore. The lady in the shop said to me "Come on, lets go and get daddy his carpet". DADDY?? You stupid lady, this fella was way past and beyond being my daddy, thank you very much indeed!! Look at him! Does he seem capable of producing someone as nice as me - I think not. The lady relieved granddad of some of his paper money and with carpet on board, we trundled off to the big lake that we've been to before, the one where the shop is shut on a Monday - you listening granddad, the one where the shop is shut on a Monday.
Dog and Dogg both tired, we headed home and stopped off at the bakers (no cakes Nanna, don't worry) and then home for some lunch and another play. After dinner and a play, I was totally knackered but I watched granddad on telly where he'd changed his name to Kojak before I popped off for another snooze mid-afternoon after sharing my apple with Millie.
When I woke up, I found a cookie in the fridge that wasn't there earlier and also some of my favourite cheese that Ryan must've missed. He is a bigger Baby Bell lover than I am!!! We messed around some more before it was tea time and lasagne which I was to share with granddad but he said he was leaving his bit for Ryan who was staying over tonight - poor granddad. I know he doesn't look like the odd missed meal would hurt too much but I felt a little guilty in between mouthfuls of my dinner LOL!!!
Catch you all later
DOGG
So "head, shoulder, knees and toes" looks likely to take on a slightly different angle. Granddad asked Nanna if "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch" counts but she said it was hardly appropriate - obviously because silly granddad forgot that I don't have a wallet.
After watching some programme on monkeys, I brought in the book that I got from Mr Postie from our Wiltshire branch of the family. Now I'm not sure how the link goes but Lisa is daddies cousin, so that must make her son Cody and daddies son, me, like cousins once-removed-twice-turned-around-upside-inwards and put back again but nonetheless, we are related. Lisa had Cody before mummy had me so that makes him older and much more mature. I guess at three months older, he's nearly working now.
The book Lisa and Cody sent was all about babysitting granddad. Not granddad babysitting kids, the other way around and believe me, there are times when I've needed to take granddad under my wing (I don't have real wings or any Red Bulls which give you some). He doesn't quite need a nappy change (oh yes, that day will come granddad!!) but he does make some funny noises which would indicate the possibility of soiled grundies.
At lunch time, I often feel the need to feed the daft old fossil as he constantly dribbles his tea down his top. I read books to him like "This little piggy went to Meerkat" but today's book "How to babysit granddad" is brilliant and I felt it was time to sit with him and explain what I'm going to do to look after him: sun cream on his napper in the hot, lots of jumpers in the cold and Weblington boots in the wet. Granddad drawed a picture and we stuck it on his microwave because his fridge doesn't let us stick pictures with those magnet things. By the way, I'm still a babe magnet! Lisa and Cody, we both thank you for the book - ssshhhhhh, granddad has dozed off after our fun.
After dozey time, we packed up the car and went for our mid-morning walkabout. As we drove down the road, a stupid man pulled out in front of us and granddad started shouting some body part names at the stupid man so Nanna, mission accomplished!!!!!!!! Granddad can use some of my bum cream if he needs it because we went to a place called Scratcham, near Newbury. Granddad had to pick up a smelly old carpet that didn't smell anymore. The lady in the shop said to me "Come on, lets go and get daddy his carpet". DADDY?? You stupid lady, this fella was way past and beyond being my daddy, thank you very much indeed!! Look at him! Does he seem capable of producing someone as nice as me - I think not. The lady relieved granddad of some of his paper money and with carpet on board, we trundled off to the big lake that we've been to before, the one where the shop is shut on a Monday - you listening granddad, the one where the shop is shut on a Monday.
Dog and Dogg both tired, we headed home and stopped off at the bakers (no cakes Nanna, don't worry) and then home for some lunch and another play. After dinner and a play, I was totally knackered but I watched granddad on telly where he'd changed his name to Kojak before I popped off for another snooze mid-afternoon after sharing my apple with Millie.
When I woke up, I found a cookie in the fridge that wasn't there earlier and also some of my favourite cheese that Ryan must've missed. He is a bigger Baby Bell lover than I am!!! We messed around some more before it was tea time and lasagne which I was to share with granddad but he said he was leaving his bit for Ryan who was staying over tonight - poor granddad. I know he doesn't look like the odd missed meal would hurt too much but I felt a little guilty in between mouthfuls of my dinner LOL!!!
Catch you all later
DOGG
Tuesday, 17 September 2013
I'm no longer that Ronaldo girl. After watching granddad last week when he showed me the proper way to fall down like an idiot, I've decided that as I'm not even close to being in his league, I'm not going to do it anymore - well at least not at granddad's!
We had a couple of little trips today; both to familiar territory but both very enjoyable. We went to town for no other reason than because is was there. We had no intention of going to nanna's shop (granddad said she has shares in Next) and certainly no plan to go foody shopping as we had the mutt with us. We went, rather slowly it must be said, past a shop for Summers which contained ladies attire that would hardly prevent the risk of sunshine burn. They must changed the name to Autumn soon as the wet season is approaching. We saw a funny thing by Spectacle Savings and not for the first time, we saw a man walk into the door which would indicate that he was more than late for a previous appointment. In the park a little girl threw bread at the stupid pigeons but then cried when lots of them came down and grabbed it.
Once again we had a problem with the language barrier as a lady asked granddad directions but neither of them understood each other so it made the whole exercise pointless. I've found a really good reason to be two feet tall - I don't run the risk of having my eyes poked out by little old ladies with umbrollies, I'm sure they were the same old ladies that wore their big coats in the sunshine. Granddad says there should be a governingment warning on them.
As we walked around by the little shop in the middle of the road near the Butty Church, Millie stopped granddad in his tracks which caused me to perform a 360' twisty, turnabout because granddad had 'control' of my buggy. It was so fast that my eyes went all wibbly, wobbly and I got a achy head. Millie wanted a sausage from the middle shop but granddad knew from experience that I'd tell nanna if he indulged in any hot dogs and coke. How many dog(gs) does a man want??? We carried on and when we went around the corner, me and granddad had tremendous wind - not the usual stinky wind he has but a biggy gust of wind down the road. It blew my hair all over the place, Millie looked like she was in a car with her head out of the window but granddad's hair looked pretty much the same.
We went home, had some lunch and then pottered in the garden for a while. Granddad done some cleany up stuff whilst I made him Frosties soup in my kitchen in the little house. I had a drive around the garden, even going forwards some times and then we went in and got ready to go to the park. When we got to the park, there were lots of kids playing in a prison type place and they didn't seem to be a happy, jolly bunch and not like us lot at Jens. Granddad let Millie off her lead and she ran 100 yards (granddad talk for metres), ran around in a series of little circles then done a massive poop. Massive in like as big as Mount Everard. You could have put a little flag on the top, in fact I think we should've put a little flag in it because the airplanes fly over this way and they might bump into it!!
I went to play in the sandy park and I went on the climby thing because little boy explorers like to climb climby things - apart from Millie's contribution to the geographical change in the area. There was a kid there who needs to grow up too - not sure if it was a he, a she, both or neither but it screamed when it was on the slide, it screamed when it was off the slide, on the swings, off the swings. F,f,f,f,f,f,fussy or what!!!!!!!!!!
We went back to granddads and we played with toys and read some books together - I liked the book bit because granddad told me stories in funny voices and we both giggled. We row, row, rowed the boat and walked round and round the garden without actually going into it and then, as if by magic, I decided it was time for an afternoon kip. Granddad tried to keep me awake in case I wouldn't sleep later in the night but, to be honest, he was rubbish at it. I gave him a cuddle and dozed off for nearly an hour. I'm not sure if I was rudely awoken by Millie barking or pleasantly awoken by the noise of dinner cooking in the oven. I'd like to think it was the latter but fear it was more the former.
Salmon today with some rice and veg on the tables. Scrummy or what?? Hmmmmmmmm. The salmon was lovely, the rice was fiddly and the carrots were good ammo to fire at Millie but I ate it all - and a bit more before daddy came home in his work shirt that makes your eyes go all Chinese. It really is quite bright you know.
Alas the end of another great day, granddad is sooooooooooo lucky to have me and boy, does he know it!!
Catch you next week
Dogg
We had a couple of little trips today; both to familiar territory but both very enjoyable. We went to town for no other reason than because is was there. We had no intention of going to nanna's shop (granddad said she has shares in Next) and certainly no plan to go foody shopping as we had the mutt with us. We went, rather slowly it must be said, past a shop for Summers which contained ladies attire that would hardly prevent the risk of sunshine burn. They must changed the name to Autumn soon as the wet season is approaching. We saw a funny thing by Spectacle Savings and not for the first time, we saw a man walk into the door which would indicate that he was more than late for a previous appointment. In the park a little girl threw bread at the stupid pigeons but then cried when lots of them came down and grabbed it.
Once again we had a problem with the language barrier as a lady asked granddad directions but neither of them understood each other so it made the whole exercise pointless. I've found a really good reason to be two feet tall - I don't run the risk of having my eyes poked out by little old ladies with umbrollies, I'm sure they were the same old ladies that wore their big coats in the sunshine. Granddad says there should be a governingment warning on them.
As we walked around by the little shop in the middle of the road near the Butty Church, Millie stopped granddad in his tracks which caused me to perform a 360' twisty, turnabout because granddad had 'control' of my buggy. It was so fast that my eyes went all wibbly, wobbly and I got a achy head. Millie wanted a sausage from the middle shop but granddad knew from experience that I'd tell nanna if he indulged in any hot dogs and coke. How many dog(gs) does a man want??? We carried on and when we went around the corner, me and granddad had tremendous wind - not the usual stinky wind he has but a biggy gust of wind down the road. It blew my hair all over the place, Millie looked like she was in a car with her head out of the window but granddad's hair looked pretty much the same.
We went home, had some lunch and then pottered in the garden for a while. Granddad done some cleany up stuff whilst I made him Frosties soup in my kitchen in the little house. I had a drive around the garden, even going forwards some times and then we went in and got ready to go to the park. When we got to the park, there were lots of kids playing in a prison type place and they didn't seem to be a happy, jolly bunch and not like us lot at Jens. Granddad let Millie off her lead and she ran 100 yards (granddad talk for metres), ran around in a series of little circles then done a massive poop. Massive in like as big as Mount Everard. You could have put a little flag on the top, in fact I think we should've put a little flag in it because the airplanes fly over this way and they might bump into it!!
I went to play in the sandy park and I went on the climby thing because little boy explorers like to climb climby things - apart from Millie's contribution to the geographical change in the area. There was a kid there who needs to grow up too - not sure if it was a he, a she, both or neither but it screamed when it was on the slide, it screamed when it was off the slide, on the swings, off the swings. F,f,f,f,f,f,fussy or what!!!!!!!!!!
We went back to granddads and we played with toys and read some books together - I liked the book bit because granddad told me stories in funny voices and we both giggled. We row, row, rowed the boat and walked round and round the garden without actually going into it and then, as if by magic, I decided it was time for an afternoon kip. Granddad tried to keep me awake in case I wouldn't sleep later in the night but, to be honest, he was rubbish at it. I gave him a cuddle and dozed off for nearly an hour. I'm not sure if I was rudely awoken by Millie barking or pleasantly awoken by the noise of dinner cooking in the oven. I'd like to think it was the latter but fear it was more the former.
Salmon today with some rice and veg on the tables. Scrummy or what?? Hmmmmmmmm. The salmon was lovely, the rice was fiddly and the carrots were good ammo to fire at Millie but I ate it all - and a bit more before daddy came home in his work shirt that makes your eyes go all Chinese. It really is quite bright you know.
Alas the end of another great day, granddad is sooooooooooo lucky to have me and boy, does he know it!!
Catch you next week
Dogg
Tuesday, 10 September 2013
Normal service has been restored (if there is anything normal about granddad then I'm a Chinese man!) and we're back to Monday playtime after a long hot summertime. Poor old nanna has had to go back to school but me, granddad and the other dog are a formidable team again.
The excitement got the better of me this morning and I gently drifted off to the land of nod for a little while soon after getting there. When I wakeyed up I heard a strange noise coming from granddad in the bathroom. As I opened up the door, granddad was standing there with this long thing in his hand. It was about 6" long (granddad said more like 7") and about 3" around the middle (granddad said more like 4"). I've never seen one like that before but I couldn't take my eyes off it. Its certainly not the same as I use but granddad sat me down and carried on with what he was doing. I have no idea what possessed him to do it as he doesn't have much anyway but he carried on cutting his hair with the long, black lectrik clipper thing. It must take him all of 5 minutes to complete (nanna says more like 4 minutes) and to be totally honest, it doesn't look much different when its cut anyway.
Once he looked remarkably like he did before he cut his hair, granddad took me downstairs and we read books and played games just like in the olden times before the summer. We went into the garden and waddled around a bit but it started to rain so I made some funny 'yuk' noises and we went. Daddy's auntie popped in to say hello and to bring some great bits around and a birthday card for granddad because he's 137 years old on Tuesday. She brought a big freezing box with lots of yummy fruit in and it gave me a cold bum when I sat on the box. She lives a thousand miles away in a place called Gloucester and they had lots of talky time whilst very professionally keeping an eye on me and Millie. Daddy's nanny, who is very cleverly granddads mummy also came over. She makes me laugh even when she's not trying to. She talks in a 'coochy-coo' voice which I think is a bit childish but I humour her all the same.
Oh, must tell you this - as you know, granddad calls me Ronaldo sometimes because I fall over for no reason when nobody is near me but everyone is watching. He showed me how to do it properly last week whilst walking around the lake. He said the secret is to do it near somebody so they get the blame and while he was holding my hand and walking with Millie too, granddad fell like a sack of cack to the ground. He narrowly (quite a feat with his bulk) missed squashing Millie beyond all recognition and also dragged me with him as though I was water skiing behind him!!! I bumped my chin and granddad said some funny words that I assume were Polish and he rolled around like a beached whale. Now that's how to do it I thought!! He's so good I'm going to call him Klinsmann.
Back to yesterday; Uncle Ryan popped in to see us all and was caught unawares by the congregation that greeted him. I like Uncle Ryan - nanna says we're like to poddy peas. After older nanny and granddads auntie had left, granddad said he was taking me and Millie out for a walk. This is where I'm beginning to find things a little unfair. You see, Millie decided that she wasn't going for a walk because it was raining so she hid behind the settee. When I try this, I keep banging my head!! So it was just me and granddad who ventured into town for one of our frequent visits but today we had a few jobs to do. Ryan gave granddad some paper money stuff and asked him to put it in his bank because he wanted to stay home and play games - why can't I do that?!?! We parked up and I got in my buggy where granddad, rather expertly and as though he knew what he was doing, put on my plastic rain cover (on my buggy not his head, although.....). We went into the new bank on the corner and granddad made his way to the counter. "Excuse me sir, how are you today?" asked some spotty-faced geek. Granddad said we were well and said he was going to the counter. "This way sir" said the walking pizza and he escorted us 5 feet to the counter as if he were protecting us from some alien monster. The lady behind the counter was quite pretty but equally as dumb as the geek. She asked granddad how he was today, how his weekend was, what he got up to, what he was going to get up to, how nice his hair looked (actually I made that bit up), etc. If only she worked at UK Border Control we would have people in town speaking more English than 'European'!! She took the money and put it in Uncle Ryan's account and then said "Enjoy the rest of your day", which was by now virtually over due to the extended interrogation that we had endured.
We left the new bank and then went on to granddads bank in town. Here he put some money into a little book and handed it over to the girl as if passing her a secret bribe not to ask him any questions about his weekend. He then gave her some bags of pennies that looked like he'd won at the pokie machines in the arcade. All this was done in a split second and then we were on our way. Outside it was raining and this made me laugh like a little schoolgirl. I was nice and dry and granddad was all soaky wet. I kept popping my hand out of the plastic to tease him and we both laughed lots.
Back home and there was an hour or so of fun and games and then Millie ran to the back door, I followed and was surprised to see it was daddy. He was way too early but it was great to see him. I gave him a big cuddle and Millie gave him her ball. Daddy and granddad chatted a bit and then me and daddy went to Tesco although we never went in as I fell asleep.
I'm back at Jenny's this week to see all my other mates and I think I'm looking forward to it although its a job to tell...........
See you later
DOGG
The excitement got the better of me this morning and I gently drifted off to the land of nod for a little while soon after getting there. When I wakeyed up I heard a strange noise coming from granddad in the bathroom. As I opened up the door, granddad was standing there with this long thing in his hand. It was about 6" long (granddad said more like 7") and about 3" around the middle (granddad said more like 4"). I've never seen one like that before but I couldn't take my eyes off it. Its certainly not the same as I use but granddad sat me down and carried on with what he was doing. I have no idea what possessed him to do it as he doesn't have much anyway but he carried on cutting his hair with the long, black lectrik clipper thing. It must take him all of 5 minutes to complete (nanna says more like 4 minutes) and to be totally honest, it doesn't look much different when its cut anyway.
Once he looked remarkably like he did before he cut his hair, granddad took me downstairs and we read books and played games just like in the olden times before the summer. We went into the garden and waddled around a bit but it started to rain so I made some funny 'yuk' noises and we went. Daddy's auntie popped in to say hello and to bring some great bits around and a birthday card for granddad because he's 137 years old on Tuesday. She brought a big freezing box with lots of yummy fruit in and it gave me a cold bum when I sat on the box. She lives a thousand miles away in a place called Gloucester and they had lots of talky time whilst very professionally keeping an eye on me and Millie. Daddy's nanny, who is very cleverly granddads mummy also came over. She makes me laugh even when she's not trying to. She talks in a 'coochy-coo' voice which I think is a bit childish but I humour her all the same.
Oh, must tell you this - as you know, granddad calls me Ronaldo sometimes because I fall over for no reason when nobody is near me but everyone is watching. He showed me how to do it properly last week whilst walking around the lake. He said the secret is to do it near somebody so they get the blame and while he was holding my hand and walking with Millie too, granddad fell like a sack of cack to the ground. He narrowly (quite a feat with his bulk) missed squashing Millie beyond all recognition and also dragged me with him as though I was water skiing behind him!!! I bumped my chin and granddad said some funny words that I assume were Polish and he rolled around like a beached whale. Now that's how to do it I thought!! He's so good I'm going to call him Klinsmann.
Back to yesterday; Uncle Ryan popped in to see us all and was caught unawares by the congregation that greeted him. I like Uncle Ryan - nanna says we're like to poddy peas. After older nanny and granddads auntie had left, granddad said he was taking me and Millie out for a walk. This is where I'm beginning to find things a little unfair. You see, Millie decided that she wasn't going for a walk because it was raining so she hid behind the settee. When I try this, I keep banging my head!! So it was just me and granddad who ventured into town for one of our frequent visits but today we had a few jobs to do. Ryan gave granddad some paper money stuff and asked him to put it in his bank because he wanted to stay home and play games - why can't I do that?!?! We parked up and I got in my buggy where granddad, rather expertly and as though he knew what he was doing, put on my plastic rain cover (on my buggy not his head, although.....). We went into the new bank on the corner and granddad made his way to the counter. "Excuse me sir, how are you today?" asked some spotty-faced geek. Granddad said we were well and said he was going to the counter. "This way sir" said the walking pizza and he escorted us 5 feet to the counter as if he were protecting us from some alien monster. The lady behind the counter was quite pretty but equally as dumb as the geek. She asked granddad how he was today, how his weekend was, what he got up to, what he was going to get up to, how nice his hair looked (actually I made that bit up), etc. If only she worked at UK Border Control we would have people in town speaking more English than 'European'!! She took the money and put it in Uncle Ryan's account and then said "Enjoy the rest of your day", which was by now virtually over due to the extended interrogation that we had endured.
We left the new bank and then went on to granddads bank in town. Here he put some money into a little book and handed it over to the girl as if passing her a secret bribe not to ask him any questions about his weekend. He then gave her some bags of pennies that looked like he'd won at the pokie machines in the arcade. All this was done in a split second and then we were on our way. Outside it was raining and this made me laugh like a little schoolgirl. I was nice and dry and granddad was all soaky wet. I kept popping my hand out of the plastic to tease him and we both laughed lots.
Back home and there was an hour or so of fun and games and then Millie ran to the back door, I followed and was surprised to see it was daddy. He was way too early but it was great to see him. I gave him a big cuddle and Millie gave him her ball. Daddy and granddad chatted a bit and then me and daddy went to Tesco although we never went in as I fell asleep.
I'm back at Jenny's this week to see all my other mates and I think I'm looking forward to it although its a job to tell...........
See you later
DOGG
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