Just as the recent series of 'SPLASH' ends with that little dancer dude taking the coveted crown, me and grandad attempt to make our very own episode. Daddy couldn't take me swimming this week and mummy is in a state of obvious misuse so first on my substitute list is the old fella. Now it has to be said that my grandad isn't at the peak of his physical fitness, it may be observed by many that he probably never has been but if he has, that phase is oh-but-a-mere dot on the horizon! He is beginning to form the shape of a very large snowball and is getting as round as he is high despite constant claims to "do something about it". Our recent Winter Lympiks adventures indoors were a huge success (thankfully not via YouTube!!!) and we were confident that our synchro diving AND swimming would be an equal successful campaign. 

Grandad got me changed into my baby speedos and then got himself ready - oh dear!  He wore shorts that used to look a lot better on him than they do now as he proudly walked us out onto the poolside. Grandad is quite a well known cadgy in the swimming circles and he knows a lot of people from all over the place. Most of my 'coaches' know him very well, one knows him very well although today I think she'd prefer not to - NANNA. Because he is famous, we came out onto poolside like a pair of celebrities and in all fairness, quite rightly so.  The ladies who knew grandad laughed, no no sorry - the ladies who knew grandad cheered and clapped as we got ready to enter the water.  

I stood on the side and was instructed to wait for the person responsible for me. I waited ages until it dawned on me that it was grandad was that soldier. In he got - SPLOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!! With all the grace and finesse of the diver on the John Smiths beer advert, grandad done a big bomb. All the people on poolside got soaked, some of my fellow swim mates were catapulted through the air at a speed never before recorded, the kids from the previous lesson screamed from the changing rooms as a mini tsunami hit the walls and then he turned around and told me to jump into the water. WHAT WATER?!?!?! By now, even I could walk safely on the pool floor! Once the water had returned and settled, my entrance was by far more elegant, a double somersault with two and a half twists from an upside pike standing down position preceded by my traditional war cry of 'Whoa, whoa, whoa.....' as I launch from the top step.  

I coughed and spluttered as I found the surface and a grandad who was meant to catch me. He knows my 'Whoa, whoa, whoa' is a clear indication that I was about to jump but he chose to ogle the young mum standing on poolside instead AND Nanna was there too. Disgraceful! Before the lesson started, the swim lady Jan, got all our group together to take a photo as it was the first time she'd had a group with kids and dads. I'm quietly confident her real reason was because me and grandad were there as we're quite a sort after commodity. We've turned down several requests to open supermarkets but haven't given up the idea of a calendar boys venture. In my lesson we had to make a pirate ship by going backwards and forwards collecting a boat then the masks and sails. We had to kicky kick on our fronts and then our backs. Then we had to get the little pirates by blowing bubbles in the water. Grandad could do this easily and he never even put his face in the water - he is a clever grandad. 

When it was time to get out I had a little shower, I liked the shower, in fact I had five or six little showers, I really like the shower!! We got dried and changed but there were girls in our changing rooms - that's just not cricket. 

On the way home, grandad gave me a few Quavers to stave off my hunger but after three I fell asleep. This swimming lark is a bit tiring. Apparently I got back to mummy at Nanny Jan's and Poppa Mole's and went straight to bed for a kip. Grandad disappeared like a Dynamo the Magician and that was it. 

Monday is our big day, me and grandad are going to be on a roll...............