EXTRA MIDWEEK POST
Oh deary me, oh deary, deary me. I feel really yuk today. You know the feeling, you sit on the potty and don't know if you're going to fill your bib or your nappy!!!
So instead of going to the childkeepers like normal, daddy asked granddad if he could look after me as I was feeling crook. Bang on time and before any sign of a dirty diaper, granddad appeared and took me to the car. Now it has to be said that I probably wasn't at my very bestest this morning and I did kick off a little bit as he tried to put me in my car seat. If you don't know whether you can trust a cough or a fart without the worry of ejecting copious amounts of various body fluids, you too my friend, would feel a little less than cranky.
Back at Chez Fossil, I got out of the car to a lovely welcome from Millie which was like an instant pick-me-up. All of a sudden, the day looked rosier, my coughs would tickle my throat and once again a fart could be trusted not to fill my nappy. Result................!
Now then, I can confirm as evidence in a court of law, a statement made by nanna on more than one occasion when instructing her spouse on how to occupy a little gangster like myself. Quote; "Do some drawing with him, he'll like that" she told him. "Kids love to draw", she would continue. So, whilst granddad was in need of a nappy change himself, I took it upon myself to do a little exploring and I found a stick somewhere but as granddad has no idea from where, I'm not in a position to divulge such sensitive information. Granddad called out to me to ask what I was doing which is quite a silly option to take when I can't talk!! If I could I would simply say "Nothing granddad" to rest his inquisitive mind. After a minute, well actually several minutes - quite a lot of several minutes to be honest - granddad had sorted himself out and popped into his bedroom to see me. I said "Look granddad" in a proud voice as I showed him a great trick - the stick could write on the wall and I'd made a pattern on it that would've sold for millions if Banksy had done it!!! Nanna will be delighted with it
Its nanna's birthday tomorrow and I think she's 19 (what a creep I am) and granddad, in his usual highly organised way, had to get her the usual birthday pleasantries and funny card - at the last minute. We left Millie at home so we would be allowed in the shops without drawing attention to ourselves from the Happy Police and we went into a shop (lol, no clues nanna. We're not stupid!!), got the present, got a card and then went off to put a paper letter thing into Uncle Ryan's bank. Then we made our way home.
Once home, I blew the fart theory right out of the window and filled - to the very brim - my nappy with an abundant supply of garden fertiliser and a smell that would no doubt outlast religion!!! Granddad went a funny colour again!!!Mummy came home from work looking worse than I did, she had a cup of tea or at least most of it and then took me back home.
Hopefully we'll all be on solid's in the bathroom by the end of the week and then back to normal next week.
Catch you laters.............
Dogg
PS - Nanna, my present is on your bedroom wall. Hope you like it, it could be worth millions. Happy Birthday, Nanna
Thursday, 17 October 2013
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
So, today there's some sort of footy match going on near London I hear. If England win they get to go on holiday to a place called Brazil where the ladies wear not many clothes on the Coconut and Banana Beach and the men all lay face down in the sand for reasons of which I have no idea. Seems stupid that with all those girls around and the fellas don't look.
This football match has about 80% of the local town population gripped in its vice-like jaws. For these local guys, this is a making or breaking game and they will be dancing in the streets if they win or running riot if they lose. It is just as important for the other 20% - who will do the same if England win!!
For all my Polish Fans, the following note (don't worry its not rude):
Do wszystkich moich małych polskich uczniów i przyjaciół, może dziś życzę wam powodzenia w meczu piłki nożnej z Anglią. Proszę nie wychodzić i szalał po ulicach miasta, kiedy traci dzisiaj. tylko wyjątkiem, że są "znacznie lepiej niż ty", który jest, dlaczego są oczywiście tutaj na pierwszym miejscu. W tym pamiętać, życzę wam na pożegnanie.
Right, yesterday at granddads was another cooky day and it was great fun. In the morning we watched a telly show about Lobsters, ugly looking critters that granddad says are nice to eat. EAT? Why on earth would anybody want to eat these yukky looking things, they have big grabbers on the front for mashing up things like crabs and cars and things, they had waggy tails and seemed to swim backwards. How stupid is that??
When I first got to granddads, I went upstairs to wake Uncle Ryan up as he was off for the day. He woke up with eyes like a Chinaman, said "Hello Dogg" and fell asleep again so an hour or so later, I ran up stairs to change my nappy with granddad and I wanted to take the wet one into Uncle Ryan and slap it on his head but granddad wouldn't let me. I walked to his bed and Uncle Ryan's eyes were now mended and he gave me a big cuddle after I jumped on him. He makes me laugh, he's so funny.
When granddad said it was dinner time and Homlet was on the menu so I dragged the big chair over to the working top and decided to help him. We broke some eggs, hundreds of them and bashed them up into a bowl. Granddad then turned on the cooker and we poured the eggs into the big flat pan. He cut up some cheese and I borrowed a bit, so he cut up some more then put it into the Homlet. That was it - as simples as the Meerkat.com. He cut some off then put it on my plate and he then ate the rest.
Now that the summer has gone, we're at the start of the wet season. This means that we all have to go around in big nappies to stay dry. Answer me this if you please; why did we stay in all day to play games and eat food and then go for our walk just as it started to rain? Who in their right mind takes out a young gentleman (namely me) when there is a risk of getting ones hair messed up? It's ok for the old fella, he has no need for a decent hairstyle but mine went all frizzy and I looked like the fizzy girl on Corrie. Now it was on this walk of ours around the quiet suburbs near granddads house that we came across 3 ladies, all at separate times but each of them made a bee-line for us (whats a bee-line? Can't be a straight line as bees fly like butterflies and go all wiggly around the sky). The first lady was about granddads age or thereabouts and she came over saying "Hello beautiful" as she walked. Granddad smiled, I went all cooty and she went straight to Millie!!! The second was a young girl about 18/19 and she was just as complementary as she approached us. I smiled, granddad went all cooty and yes, she went straight for Millie. Now the third lady was a nice Chinese lady who once again muttered things about looking 'gorgeous and ruvvery' and she too, made straight to Millie. Me and granddad exchanged looks and decided the lady was thinking "Yes, ruvvery with vegetables and lice in a cully". Needless to say we made or excuses and bid her a fond farewell.
Once back, we headed for the kitchen again and granddad got some chicken ready with some spicy powder stuff. Some taytoes with garlic and the usual vegetables for healthy living. Nanna came home just as it was ready and granddad put it out along with some fishies for nanna.
Next week the plan is to make mummy and daddy some fairy cakes and I'm going to get messy, granddad says I can break the eggs, I can mix the talcy powder stuff but he has to do the hot cooker stuff. Then we have to try six or seven of them to make sure they're ok and then send any left home to mummy and daddy. Can't wait already......
Dogg
This football match has about 80% of the local town population gripped in its vice-like jaws. For these local guys, this is a making or breaking game and they will be dancing in the streets if they win or running riot if they lose. It is just as important for the other 20% - who will do the same if England win!!
For all my Polish Fans, the following note (don't worry its not rude):
Do wszystkich moich małych polskich uczniów i przyjaciół, może dziś życzę wam powodzenia w meczu piłki nożnej z Anglią. Proszę nie wychodzić i szalał po ulicach miasta, kiedy traci dzisiaj. tylko wyjątkiem, że są "znacznie lepiej niż ty", który jest, dlaczego są oczywiście tutaj na pierwszym miejscu. W tym pamiętać, życzę wam na pożegnanie.
Right, yesterday at granddads was another cooky day and it was great fun. In the morning we watched a telly show about Lobsters, ugly looking critters that granddad says are nice to eat. EAT? Why on earth would anybody want to eat these yukky looking things, they have big grabbers on the front for mashing up things like crabs and cars and things, they had waggy tails and seemed to swim backwards. How stupid is that??
When I first got to granddads, I went upstairs to wake Uncle Ryan up as he was off for the day. He woke up with eyes like a Chinaman, said "Hello Dogg" and fell asleep again so an hour or so later, I ran up stairs to change my nappy with granddad and I wanted to take the wet one into Uncle Ryan and slap it on his head but granddad wouldn't let me. I walked to his bed and Uncle Ryan's eyes were now mended and he gave me a big cuddle after I jumped on him. He makes me laugh, he's so funny.
When granddad said it was dinner time and Homlet was on the menu so I dragged the big chair over to the working top and decided to help him. We broke some eggs, hundreds of them and bashed them up into a bowl. Granddad then turned on the cooker and we poured the eggs into the big flat pan. He cut up some cheese and I borrowed a bit, so he cut up some more then put it into the Homlet. That was it - as simples as the Meerkat.com. He cut some off then put it on my plate and he then ate the rest.
Now that the summer has gone, we're at the start of the wet season. This means that we all have to go around in big nappies to stay dry. Answer me this if you please; why did we stay in all day to play games and eat food and then go for our walk just as it started to rain? Who in their right mind takes out a young gentleman (namely me) when there is a risk of getting ones hair messed up? It's ok for the old fella, he has no need for a decent hairstyle but mine went all frizzy and I looked like the fizzy girl on Corrie. Now it was on this walk of ours around the quiet suburbs near granddads house that we came across 3 ladies, all at separate times but each of them made a bee-line for us (whats a bee-line? Can't be a straight line as bees fly like butterflies and go all wiggly around the sky). The first lady was about granddads age or thereabouts and she came over saying "Hello beautiful" as she walked. Granddad smiled, I went all cooty and she went straight to Millie!!! The second was a young girl about 18/19 and she was just as complementary as she approached us. I smiled, granddad went all cooty and yes, she went straight for Millie. Now the third lady was a nice Chinese lady who once again muttered things about looking 'gorgeous and ruvvery' and she too, made straight to Millie. Me and granddad exchanged looks and decided the lady was thinking "Yes, ruvvery with vegetables and lice in a cully". Needless to say we made or excuses and bid her a fond farewell.
Once back, we headed for the kitchen again and granddad got some chicken ready with some spicy powder stuff. Some taytoes with garlic and the usual vegetables for healthy living. Nanna came home just as it was ready and granddad put it out along with some fishies for nanna.
Next week the plan is to make mummy and daddy some fairy cakes and I'm going to get messy, granddad says I can break the eggs, I can mix the talcy powder stuff but he has to do the hot cooker stuff. Then we have to try six or seven of them to make sure they're ok and then send any left home to mummy and daddy. Can't wait already......
Żegnaj teraz
Tuesday, 8 October 2013
Today has been a day of challenges, not the usual barmy day that my host and his guest usually encounter but a day where we ran the risk of something doing considerably breasts upwards (Nanna won't like me saying tits up so I won't).
First challenge was getting grandad to pick me up on time. It's not like him to be late but he had to do some worky stuff at 4am. I waited and waited and waited until finally, my smooth topped grandad arrived in his different car. Proper transport for The Dogg this morning, a nice curvy Swedish girl rather than the tattered old French thing that I usually get. I felt like Prince George, that new royal fella.
Today's pilgrimage through the rosy suburbs of our quiet neighbourhood took us the back way to town where we saw an ideal opportunity to have some fun in a game grandad called 'Run the Gauntlet'. In town there were various groups of neatly dressed people with clipboards and they were stopping people to ask questions about 'Saving the Whale' (I'm not too sure which one though and I'm disappointed that it only seems to be the one whale), 'Thoughts on recycling' (no good to us as we bought the car in and not the bike) and 'Amazon Rain Forest Protection' (this amused us considerably as they were standing next to some workmen who were cutting down a tree). Our plan, sorry, grandads plan was to walk amongst these clipboarders and see if we could get from one end of the street to the other without getting stopped. Our first run was rather easy because granddad walked too far away from them but me, Millie and the Old Fella had a quick huddle at the end of the run and decided to live a little more dangerous so, on our second run, we walked really close to the clipboarders but without making any eye contact. My heart was going bumperty, bumperty, bump all the way but we made it. Huddle and game plan number two; this time granddad actually drove us towards these people AND attempted to make eye contact. When the man or lady smiled and was about talk, we would simply steer away from them and leave them in mid sentence. To be honest, I failed to see the funny side other than driving fast at people then doing a last minute swervy thing, although that made me chuckle a lot - grandad on the other hand was in fits of uncontrollable laughter, leaving me somewhat embarrassed and the general public wondering if he really should be in charge of two dogs in a busy street!!!
After dinner, we had the most bestest fun for ages!!! Hells Kitchen would provide host to me and grandad making some bread (not money, eaty bread). Dolly texted nanna about some bread stuff and she said to granddad that it would be a good idea for him to make some bread with me - nanna doesn't really understand the pressures of modern day culinary events at home with little people. At work its different, who cares at work as the cleany ladies have better skills at tidying up than grandad. Before we started, I suffered the indignity of being stripped down to my nappy and then being forced to wear my snazzy apron. Grandad said it was to keep my clothes from getting too grubby but that doesn't seem to bother him normally, so today I am the Nearly Naked Chef!! I did notice that he never attempted to get down to his nappy!!
Grandad said we needed some greedy ants or something so we could make the bread. He got this enormous bag of talcum powder-like stuff from Millie's treat cupboard and read the structions on the back of the packet, well he tried to as I kept taking his glasses of him! He read it out loud so I could help him get the greedy ants:
After he made it into a massive lump of mess, he tried to hide it in the hairy cupboard for an hour. For someone married to nanna for so long, he sure does ask for trouble! After a while, an hour I assume, he mashed it again, hid it back in the hairy cupboard then took it out once more to put it in the oven. I think he was trying to keep it a secret from nanna but I knew she would see because of the mess he'd made with the talc on the floor.
After a had a little snooze, grandad took some little bread rolls out of the oven but they didn't look the same as the ones he tried to hide, he must've made some more whilst I slept. He took off a smidgy bit and gave it to me - hmmmmmmmmm, it was scrumptious. He put the others on a plate to get cold then tried to tidy up before nanna came home then we sat and read some books where I started to learn yellow and Squidge (Millie's toy).
After nanna came home, I had some chicken, rice and veggies before daddy came over to get me. Nanna didn't like grandad's bread rolls so told daddy to take them home.
Yet another great day at Hells Kitchen and I can't wait for the next attempt to use our culinary magic with grandad in his version called 'Fifteen Hour Meals'.
Hast manana
Dogg
Today's pilgrimage through the rosy suburbs of our quiet neighbourhood took us the back way to town where we saw an ideal opportunity to have some fun in a game grandad called 'Run the Gauntlet'. In town there were various groups of neatly dressed people with clipboards and they were stopping people to ask questions about 'Saving the Whale' (I'm not too sure which one though and I'm disappointed that it only seems to be the one whale), 'Thoughts on recycling' (no good to us as we bought the car in and not the bike) and 'Amazon Rain Forest Protection' (this amused us considerably as they were standing next to some workmen who were cutting down a tree). Our plan, sorry, grandads plan was to walk amongst these clipboarders and see if we could get from one end of the street to the other without getting stopped. Our first run was rather easy because granddad walked too far away from them but me, Millie and the Old Fella had a quick huddle at the end of the run and decided to live a little more dangerous so, on our second run, we walked really close to the clipboarders but without making any eye contact. My heart was going bumperty, bumperty, bump all the way but we made it. Huddle and game plan number two; this time granddad actually drove us towards these people AND attempted to make eye contact. When the man or lady smiled and was about talk, we would simply steer away from them and leave them in mid sentence. To be honest, I failed to see the funny side other than driving fast at people then doing a last minute swervy thing, although that made me chuckle a lot - grandad on the other hand was in fits of uncontrollable laughter, leaving me somewhat embarrassed and the general public wondering if he really should be in charge of two dogs in a busy street!!!
After dinner, we had the most bestest fun for ages!!! Hells Kitchen would provide host to me and grandad making some bread (not money, eaty bread). Dolly texted nanna about some bread stuff and she said to granddad that it would be a good idea for him to make some bread with me - nanna doesn't really understand the pressures of modern day culinary events at home with little people. At work its different, who cares at work as the cleany ladies have better skills at tidying up than grandad. Before we started, I suffered the indignity of being stripped down to my nappy and then being forced to wear my snazzy apron. Grandad said it was to keep my clothes from getting too grubby but that doesn't seem to bother him normally, so today I am the Nearly Naked Chef!! I did notice that he never attempted to get down to his nappy!!
Grandad said we needed some greedy ants or something so we could make the bread. He got this enormous bag of talcum powder-like stuff from Millie's treat cupboard and read the structions on the back of the packet, well he tried to as I kept taking his glasses of him! He read it out loud so I could help him get the greedy ants:
- 500g flowers - I wasn't sure what the 'g' was but imagined it was a Merican recipe and the 'g' meant 'grannies', so off I popped to get 500 of grannies flowers from the garden. This didn't please grandad too much and needless to say will please nanna even less!!
- A knob of butter!!! - Excuse me! You can cook with those????
- 1 tbsp of Beast - Millie? Garden bugs? I have no idea!
- 1 tbsp of Salt
- 1 tbsp of Sugar
- 2 Batteries - These weren't in the greedy ants but I put them in anyway. Grandad took one out straight away but didn't see the other until after the hairy cupboard bit.
After he made it into a massive lump of mess, he tried to hide it in the hairy cupboard for an hour. For someone married to nanna for so long, he sure does ask for trouble! After a while, an hour I assume, he mashed it again, hid it back in the hairy cupboard then took it out once more to put it in the oven. I think he was trying to keep it a secret from nanna but I knew she would see because of the mess he'd made with the talc on the floor.
After a had a little snooze, grandad took some little bread rolls out of the oven but they didn't look the same as the ones he tried to hide, he must've made some more whilst I slept. He took off a smidgy bit and gave it to me - hmmmmmmmmm, it was scrumptious. He put the others on a plate to get cold then tried to tidy up before nanna came home then we sat and read some books where I started to learn yellow and Squidge (Millie's toy).
After nanna came home, I had some chicken, rice and veggies before daddy came over to get me. Nanna didn't like grandad's bread rolls so told daddy to take them home.
Yet another great day at Hells Kitchen and I can't wait for the next attempt to use our culinary magic with grandad in his version called 'Fifteen Hour Meals'.
Hast manana
Dogg
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