This morning and there is a knock on our front door and as its only the postie that knocks on our door on a Saturday morning, I ran to the door to see what he'd got for us. A magical clue awaited me as I made my way through our hallway, there was something human hanging out of the letterbox. There is only one person who even attempts to put anything human through our letterbox and I must add, I extremely surprised he's not been arrested over the years; my granddad!!!!

It was a nice surprise and I wasn't expecting it although mummy and daddy seemed to know he was coming. His trusty four-legged companion made a supersonic dash for the front room as her legs failed to even touch the hallway!!! Next thing I noticed was mummy and daddy had packed my Trunkie - I'm moving out by the look of things and if its granddad who is to educate me over the impressionable early period in my busy life, then I fear a life of debauchery and years on the run from the Rozzers!!!

We headed back via a trip to the bakehouse because I think this is the only way granddad knows!! You may recall that last week I ate an ambitious amount of the freebie cakes on the counter. Enough, it has to be said, to fed a small African country but it was there and I thought it would be rude not to accept my hosts hospitality so, with this in mind, I wore my sunnies as a disguise in anticipation of a repeat performance. Of course, being new to this plunder and pillaging, I hadn't banked on my aging accomplice going in dressed as he always is!!!! I need a new partner!! We simply made do with our bread rations and a sneaky gingerbread man and made a hasty retreat.

Nanna wasn't at home when we got there as she's learning to swim with a bunch of kids so me, the mutt and the old fella ran around the house like a bunch of hooligans at a footy match until I played the lightweight card and fell asleep. When I woke up, I watched lots out of the window and jumped about like a lunatic when nanna came home in her car. After some dinner, nanna's eyes got too heavy for her and she hibernated so the Three Musketeers made a bid for freedom and a wander around granddad's 'manor'. We went around his 'patch' then down and up Chapel Hill (where there is no chapel), past the little farmers who will lose their land soon so some inconsiderate builder can make a fortune on their vacated veggie patch (RBC you've got this soooooooo wrong but that's all I have to say about that), over to the Rec to watch local footy (but the team must've been away this week) and then back again in time to see nanna rise from a place granddad called Oblivion. I saw Uncle Ryan for a while but he'd been to the same place as nanna and in all honesty, he's a regular visitor there!

After some fish and stuff for dinner, I was allowed to run around to my hearts content for what seemed like ages and then it was bath time. I had now worked out that when I have bath time at granddad's, it means that he's keeping me for a while. Bath time is great fun, I'm allowed (I think) to get everything that is dry wet and everything that is wet wetter, nanna usually baths me now as granddad makes even more mess than I do. Millie has been known to look like a drowned rat (which I assume is very similar to a very wet small white dog) after he's bathed me. The paper has peeled off the walls at times and the fluffy floor  on the landing is like a paddling pool.

Granddads big job this evening was the unenviable task of getting this pocket sized bundle of joy into a state of slumber in order for a peaceful evening. Not a task for the faint hearted I must admit but the old fella managed quite easily and apart from writing this under the covers with my Swashbuckle torch, I am as good as sound asleep. Granddad and nanna have a bonus in having me longer tonight because for some reason, everybody has to take their clocks back. Not sure where to but I assume the menders as they must be broken.

Extra special week from Monday to Wednesday next week so I'll report back on Thursday as explained last week.

Catch you later
Dogg

PS: mummy and daddy, don't worry about me tonight. I've got granddad under my little pinky and I'm sure he's going to behave himself. Have fun xxxx

I have to start with a story from last week about a school banning the use of 'street' language. I have to admit that I'm slightly disappointed with this stance taken by the school and I hope other schools don't take up the same option before 2017. That should be when I start proper school and I don't want to miss out on being 'cool' with my fellow gangsters. So, just in case I miss out, here's my attempt with a short note to my forthcoming Headmaster:

Yo, teacher dude. Basically, coz you 'ave tried to ban little dudes using dis cool talk, me finks you es going extra wrong on de subject, yeah. Coz we likes to talk-de-talk, we aint 'appy wiv old geezers telling us proper beau gangsters how we can talk, yeah? Basically, if we talked all posh and pompous like yous dus, we'd 'ave our 'kin 'eads kicked in, innit yeah? Dis es wrong man, innit? How d'you like it if it woz yous? Nah, you aint gunna be 'appy bro, es ya?
Respect man, be cool yeah!!

There you go, if I talk like this with my hat on backwards fronty and wear my sunnies dangling under my chin, I'd be proper scary!!

And so my enchanting tale of yesterday's activities at granddads begins:

8 am   - No granddad
9 am   - NO GRANDDAD
10 am - NO GRANDDAD
11 am - NO GRANDDAD

I check my calendar and I know I have the right day but there is still no granddad knocking at my door. Daddy is home, mummy is at work but granddad seems to have forgotten me - no, wait - a knock at the door, a wrinkly old hand poking through my letters box. He's here at last but I don't know what he has to smile about.

On our way back we go to the meat shop to buy some chickens but they didn't seem to have any so granddad picked up a packet of floppy grey stuff instead. He held out a little bag and asked me to throw some potatoes into it. One-two-one-one-two-six-one-one potatoes all in the bag and a couple on the floor too but we picked them up. We took the one potatoes to the meat shop man along with the floppy grey meat and I paid some paper money to him.

We then went to our favourite shop called Warings and got some brown bread and some rolls that weren't as good as the ones we made the other week. On the counter there was some sliced up bits of cake that the ladies must've broken. They left them for us to try and granddad gave me a little bit of one. "Hmmmmmm" I said and then asked for more. It was really licious and granddad said it was all gone. No it wasn't granddad, I'm not a stupid boy!!! I had some more before granddad dragged me outside to go home to his house.

As we haven't had long today, there isn't much that we can tell you but I did make granddad bleed this morning. In a carefully conducted experiment, I have come to the conclusion that my wooden bus isn't the best thing to hit granddad on the head with. He had a little leaking red bit and watery eyes too!! I didn't  mean to, it just happened - honest. As he still loves me, it doesn't really matter anyway.

I am also slightly disappointed with the New York City Council. This week they have removed a lot of the pictures that Banksy and Co have made in the city. It appears they have done the same job in granddad's bedroom too as my wibbly, wobbly drawing from the other day has gone!! Some people have no taste whatsoever when it comes to Arts and Culture in the modern world. I'd now had a gutful and about two o'clock, I decided it was time for a kip.

Other than that, its been an very short day and pretty 'normal', so next week granddad said we will have some special days as I'm moving in with him for a while. On Saturday night, mummy and daddy are out on the pis... out at a wedding and I'm having a sleepy over and then for three days, THREE WHOLE DAYS, I have to babysit granddad and nanna too. Not sure what's planned but I feel a swimming lesson, a day at the pub and one at the races could be on the agenda. I know granddad is looking forward to it so we'll have some extra fun. Instead of my daily report next week, I will do an extra long one at the end of the week on Thursday.

I'm afraid that's it for today so until next week....

Dogg

EXTRA MIDWEEK POST

Oh deary me, oh deary, deary me. I feel really yuk today. You know the feeling, you sit on the potty and don't know if you're going to fill your bib or your nappy!!!

So instead of going to the childkeepers like normal, daddy asked granddad if he could look after me as I was feeling crook. Bang on time and before any sign of a dirty diaper, granddad appeared and took me to the car. Now it has to be said that I probably wasn't at my very bestest this morning and I did kick off a little bit as he tried to put me in my car seat. If you don't know whether you can trust a cough or a fart without the worry of ejecting copious amounts of various body fluids, you too my friend, would feel a little less than cranky.

Back at Chez Fossil, I got out of the car to a lovely welcome from Millie which was like an instant pick-me-up. All of a sudden, the day looked rosier, my coughs would tickle my throat and once again a fart could be trusted not to fill my nappy. Result................!

Now then, I can confirm as evidence in a court of law, a statement made by nanna on more than one occasion when instructing her spouse on how to occupy a little gangster like myself. Quote; "Do some drawing with him, he'll like that" she told him. "Kids love to draw", she would continue. So, whilst granddad was in need of a nappy change himself, I took it upon myself to do a little exploring and I found a stick somewhere but as granddad has no idea from where, I'm not in a position to divulge such sensitive information. Granddad called out to me to ask what I was doing which is quite a silly option to take when I can't talk!! If I could I would simply say "Nothing granddad" to rest his inquisitive mind. After a minute, well actually several minutes - quite a lot of several minutes to be honest - granddad had sorted himself out and popped into his bedroom to see me. I said "Look granddad" in a proud voice as I showed him a great trick - the stick could write on the wall and I'd made a pattern on it that would've sold for millions if Banksy had done it!!! Nanna will be delighted with it

Its nanna's birthday tomorrow and I think she's 19 (what a creep I am) and granddad, in his usual highly organised way, had to get her the usual birthday pleasantries and funny card - at the last minute. We left Millie at home so we would be allowed in the shops without drawing attention to ourselves from the Happy Police and we went into a shop (lol, no clues nanna. We're not stupid!!), got the present, got a card and then went off to put a paper letter thing into Uncle Ryan's bank. Then we made our way home.

Once home, I blew the fart theory right out of the window and filled - to the very brim - my nappy with an abundant supply of garden fertiliser and a smell that would no doubt outlast religion!!! Granddad went a funny colour again!!!Mummy came home from work looking worse than I did, she had a cup of tea or at least most of it and then took me back home.

Hopefully we'll all be on solid's in the bathroom by the end of the week and then back to normal next week.

Catch you laters.............
Dogg

PS - Nanna, my present is on your bedroom wall. Hope you like it, it could be worth millions. Happy Birthday, Nanna