Its Monday and I haven't even had time to unpack my Trunki from my sleepyover and I'm heading back to blimming granddads again. I've been given one of those punishment weeks for being a naughty boy. Once again, I'm not sure on what I've done but yet again it must've been bad. Grandad AND nanna too!!! I'm going to look up the "Parental Guide to Punishing Your Offspring" to see if the punishment fits the 'alleged' crime!!!! 

We've had a Hurry Kane warning. He's my cousin once-twice-three times removed (there's a song in there somewhere) from Wiltshire and apparently he needs to get a move on for something. The weather man has warned us of 90mph winds with gusts likely to knock trees over. Mr Weather Man, 90mph? My grandad can go faster than that, my good man, so we can outrun any gutsy gust that may come our way. Also, he has been known on more than one occasion to offer a gust of his own and they've been known to peel the paint off walls let alone knock over silly trees!!! Bring it on we say. 

Furthermore, after our hearty lunch of a Dogg speciality (yes, I made lunch - eventually it must be admitted but lunch today was courtesy of yours truly) we took a walk in this extreme weather. When everyone has been told to stay indoors "unless your journey is absolutely necessary", I donned my winter gear (I felt like an Eskimo with the flu), nanna wore a dead polar bear and grandad wore his shorts and t-shirt. Survival packs (complete with the obligatory Kendal Mint Cake) were put on the sledge and along with a full team of husky (Millie!!) we went to brave the wilds of Southern England. We laugh in the face of adversity - ha ha ha!

On our return to our humble abode, I donned my chefs hat once more and set about a delicacy from a packet called Pirate Cakes. Hmmmmmmm, I like cakes. Very carefully we cut open a small packet and with pure measured precision, tipped it all into a big glass goldfish-type bowl. With a strategically placed chooky-egg and 4 handfuls of water, grandad used a lectik whizzer to blitz the stuff all over the place, then popped the gooey mess into some little paper things which I thought would catch fire in the hoven. After ages, nanna pulled out a different tray than what she put in and let them go cold. We then put some icy stuff on each of the cakes (12 of them, yummy) and then a pirate picture on top of that. Nanna let me try one but didn't let grandad or Millie but when we got home with them, it looked pretty obvious that someone can't do their sums as there were only 8/9 in the tin! Ninja grandad is the prime suspect!!!

Oh dear, too many cakes I think. Tuesday hasn't started all that well. Mummy only got a little bit of sleep last night as I felt a bit crook. When grandad came to get me, I didn't feel too much better although I put on a big boys brave face. It wasn't long at grandad's before I started to feel a bit dodgy again and I cuddled into nanna and grandad. I started breathing like I was scooby diving and I fell asleep next to grandad on the sofa. Mummy had made a pointment at the vets for me and nanna took me in whilst Millie walked grandad. The doctor lady put a funny clip on my earhole and I wasn't keen on that!!! She said I was too hot - lady, this dude is soooooo hot, I'm scary!!!! She then told nanna I had to go to the horse piddle for something and asked if we needed a Hambylence but nanna said it was ok as we had a grandad. 

So off we went, to the horse piddle and a date with another bunch of doctors. They poked and prodded me, check my heart times and my temperature. They then gave me some of the purple medicine mummy gives me and some steroids. Great!!! By the time I'm 22, the steroids would've kicked in and I'll have arms like Popeye, a voice like Olive Oil's that will be so high that only dogs will hear me and no doubt, a willy the size of a gnats!!! This is not a good thing - and what happens if I get to the Lympiks??? I'll be positive on a medicine test and banned for life!!!! We stayed a little while longer, no - we stay a lot longer and then I was allowed to go home with mummy. Daddy took nanna home because I think granddad forgot her. Early night for me, mummy and daddy then we'll try again on Wednesday.

Bit of a funny night but on Wednesday morning, grandad was at my house nice and early and off we went for the last day of my punishment. I was feeling a lot better but still had the Scooby divers breathing but I was quite capable of having a giggle. I asked nanna for some paper and I sat down and done lots of drawing, granddad did have a little grumble when I turned to the wall with two big waxy crayons in my hands but I failed to see what he was worried about.

Granddad had to take Millie to the vets today because she felt left out when she was banned from my excursion yesterday. I hope she has the same doctor and hope she bit him because he was such a pokey noser. Me and nanna got fed up waiting for them to come home so I went for my kip and think nanna did some catching up with her tired eyes too.

Now then, my little kip actually wasn't. Bears and squirrels hibernate over shorter periods, the Ice Age would've transformed into the Very Damp Age in the time I 'kipped'!! Nanna cuddled me and I dossed off in the first place and when I woke up, grandad came upstairs to get me. I cuddled him then fell asleep again. Then I woke up once more, gave Millie a kiss then promptly fell asleep again - two and a half hours!!!!!!
 The afternoon's itinerary involved some big, big pumpykins although I have no idea what a pumpykin is other than its big, ugly and scares kids. I've seen some people that can do the same job including granddad!!! Granddad bought two pumpykins in from Nanna's car where they grow (I know this because there are two more in there!) then he took out a big knife and cut the top off. Nanna said we had to gut it then showed me all the stringy bits and pips and asked me to help get this 'gunge' from the pumpykin. Yeah right nanna, pull the other one!!! Too messy, way too messy. She took a spoon and started to get the gunge out and then put the bits on some newspaper. I pushed some pips on the floor and when nanna bent down to pick them up, I threw the rest all over her. Great fun this pumpykin gutting. Grandad started the other one and me and nanna gutted this one too before grandad then went and drew all over the front of them!! He moaned at me for writing on the walls - and table and picture on the wall and floor and chairs and him - then he goes and does the same on Nanna's pumpykin!! Double standards or what?!?!

We had to give Millie another bath today, not a past-time that she best enjoys. In fact the only bit she enjoys is the getting out and running around like a lunatic bit. She has to have some special shampoo (granddad has to have special stuff too) and she has to have it all over because she's quite fluffy. When granddad gets her out, he gives her a good old rub with the towel and then lets her go. She runs out of the bathroom like a greyhound out of the traps at the races, she then rubs her face all over the carpet which doesn't tick too many boxes in the nanna department. Then she runs downstairs and around the front run where she looks like one half of Orville and Dean (I never knew that duck could skate!) before banging into the table and sofa. Its so funny - stupid dog.

Afterwards we had a little walk before coming back home for dinner where granddad tipped his drink all over himself. Whilst he dried up his big 'wee' patch, I pinched some of his dinner. LOL😆. When then went into play some games and puzzles and I put my drink on grandad's lap. After a few seconds, he jumped up and said "Not again!!" because I'd left my cup open and it dribbled all down his leg again. 

I've felt a lot better this afternoon and hopefully mummy and daddy will get some sleep tonight - providing I can get to sleep after my hibernation. Tomorrow I think we're coming back YET AGAIN for some scary cakes and some fun with trick or treaters. Grandad had a large supply of eggs and flour in case they come to get him but he said don't tell anyone so shhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

Time to go, catch you all next week
Dogg

This morning and there is a knock on our front door and as its only the postie that knocks on our door on a Saturday morning, I ran to the door to see what he'd got for us. A magical clue awaited me as I made my way through our hallway, there was something human hanging out of the letterbox. There is only one person who even attempts to put anything human through our letterbox and I must add, I extremely surprised he's not been arrested over the years; my granddad!!!!

It was a nice surprise and I wasn't expecting it although mummy and daddy seemed to know he was coming. His trusty four-legged companion made a supersonic dash for the front room as her legs failed to even touch the hallway!!! Next thing I noticed was mummy and daddy had packed my Trunkie - I'm moving out by the look of things and if its granddad who is to educate me over the impressionable early period in my busy life, then I fear a life of debauchery and years on the run from the Rozzers!!!

We headed back via a trip to the bakehouse because I think this is the only way granddad knows!! You may recall that last week I ate an ambitious amount of the freebie cakes on the counter. Enough, it has to be said, to fed a small African country but it was there and I thought it would be rude not to accept my hosts hospitality so, with this in mind, I wore my sunnies as a disguise in anticipation of a repeat performance. Of course, being new to this plunder and pillaging, I hadn't banked on my aging accomplice going in dressed as he always is!!!! I need a new partner!! We simply made do with our bread rations and a sneaky gingerbread man and made a hasty retreat.

Nanna wasn't at home when we got there as she's learning to swim with a bunch of kids so me, the mutt and the old fella ran around the house like a bunch of hooligans at a footy match until I played the lightweight card and fell asleep. When I woke up, I watched lots out of the window and jumped about like a lunatic when nanna came home in her car. After some dinner, nanna's eyes got too heavy for her and she hibernated so the Three Musketeers made a bid for freedom and a wander around granddad's 'manor'. We went around his 'patch' then down and up Chapel Hill (where there is no chapel), past the little farmers who will lose their land soon so some inconsiderate builder can make a fortune on their vacated veggie patch (RBC you've got this soooooooo wrong but that's all I have to say about that), over to the Rec to watch local footy (but the team must've been away this week) and then back again in time to see nanna rise from a place granddad called Oblivion. I saw Uncle Ryan for a while but he'd been to the same place as nanna and in all honesty, he's a regular visitor there!

After some fish and stuff for dinner, I was allowed to run around to my hearts content for what seemed like ages and then it was bath time. I had now worked out that when I have bath time at granddad's, it means that he's keeping me for a while. Bath time is great fun, I'm allowed (I think) to get everything that is dry wet and everything that is wet wetter, nanna usually baths me now as granddad makes even more mess than I do. Millie has been known to look like a drowned rat (which I assume is very similar to a very wet small white dog) after he's bathed me. The paper has peeled off the walls at times and the fluffy floor  on the landing is like a paddling pool.

Granddads big job this evening was the unenviable task of getting this pocket sized bundle of joy into a state of slumber in order for a peaceful evening. Not a task for the faint hearted I must admit but the old fella managed quite easily and apart from writing this under the covers with my Swashbuckle torch, I am as good as sound asleep. Granddad and nanna have a bonus in having me longer tonight because for some reason, everybody has to take their clocks back. Not sure where to but I assume the menders as they must be broken.

Extra special week from Monday to Wednesday next week so I'll report back on Thursday as explained last week.

Catch you later
Dogg

PS: mummy and daddy, don't worry about me tonight. I've got granddad under my little pinky and I'm sure he's going to behave himself. Have fun xxxx

I have to start with a story from last week about a school banning the use of 'street' language. I have to admit that I'm slightly disappointed with this stance taken by the school and I hope other schools don't take up the same option before 2017. That should be when I start proper school and I don't want to miss out on being 'cool' with my fellow gangsters. So, just in case I miss out, here's my attempt with a short note to my forthcoming Headmaster:

Yo, teacher dude. Basically, coz you 'ave tried to ban little dudes using dis cool talk, me finks you es going extra wrong on de subject, yeah. Coz we likes to talk-de-talk, we aint 'appy wiv old geezers telling us proper beau gangsters how we can talk, yeah? Basically, if we talked all posh and pompous like yous dus, we'd 'ave our 'kin 'eads kicked in, innit yeah? Dis es wrong man, innit? How d'you like it if it woz yous? Nah, you aint gunna be 'appy bro, es ya?
Respect man, be cool yeah!!

There you go, if I talk like this with my hat on backwards fronty and wear my sunnies dangling under my chin, I'd be proper scary!!

And so my enchanting tale of yesterday's activities at granddads begins:

8 am   - No granddad
9 am   - NO GRANDDAD
10 am - NO GRANDDAD
11 am - NO GRANDDAD

I check my calendar and I know I have the right day but there is still no granddad knocking at my door. Daddy is home, mummy is at work but granddad seems to have forgotten me - no, wait - a knock at the door, a wrinkly old hand poking through my letters box. He's here at last but I don't know what he has to smile about.

On our way back we go to the meat shop to buy some chickens but they didn't seem to have any so granddad picked up a packet of floppy grey stuff instead. He held out a little bag and asked me to throw some potatoes into it. One-two-one-one-two-six-one-one potatoes all in the bag and a couple on the floor too but we picked them up. We took the one potatoes to the meat shop man along with the floppy grey meat and I paid some paper money to him.

We then went to our favourite shop called Warings and got some brown bread and some rolls that weren't as good as the ones we made the other week. On the counter there was some sliced up bits of cake that the ladies must've broken. They left them for us to try and granddad gave me a little bit of one. "Hmmmmmm" I said and then asked for more. It was really licious and granddad said it was all gone. No it wasn't granddad, I'm not a stupid boy!!! I had some more before granddad dragged me outside to go home to his house.

As we haven't had long today, there isn't much that we can tell you but I did make granddad bleed this morning. In a carefully conducted experiment, I have come to the conclusion that my wooden bus isn't the best thing to hit granddad on the head with. He had a little leaking red bit and watery eyes too!! I didn't  mean to, it just happened - honest. As he still loves me, it doesn't really matter anyway.

I am also slightly disappointed with the New York City Council. This week they have removed a lot of the pictures that Banksy and Co have made in the city. It appears they have done the same job in granddad's bedroom too as my wibbly, wobbly drawing from the other day has gone!! Some people have no taste whatsoever when it comes to Arts and Culture in the modern world. I'd now had a gutful and about two o'clock, I decided it was time for a kip.

Other than that, its been an very short day and pretty 'normal', so next week granddad said we will have some special days as I'm moving in with him for a while. On Saturday night, mummy and daddy are out on the pis... out at a wedding and I'm having a sleepy over and then for three days, THREE WHOLE DAYS, I have to babysit granddad and nanna too. Not sure what's planned but I feel a swimming lesson, a day at the pub and one at the races could be on the agenda. I know granddad is looking forward to it so we'll have some extra fun. Instead of my daily report next week, I will do an extra long one at the end of the week on Thursday.

I'm afraid that's it for today so until next week....

Dogg