I pulled a sicky last Monday, so we have some catchying up to do with news and views in the headlining;

• In Hegip, the place where the pyramids grow, there has been some fisty-cuffs about a man they voted in who they don't want!!!
• At home, we're in a time called a heaty wave, a time where grandad takes his clothes off. Now it has to be said that this isn't good viewing! Heaty waves are like a summer but they only come here every 10 years or so
• The Royal lady who has the husband with the squashed snout is expecting to get a baby. Why can't she just ask for a PS3. The new Queen is still fat and looks like she's eaten her baby.
• In sport
• Some Lions played with some Wallabies before eating them
• A British girl called Mandy Hurry won the ping-pong at Wimbledon. Last year she came second and was Scottish but this year she won and is now British, that's clever.
• Some men in white were playing for some Splashes over the weekend in a game that lasts FIVE DAYS. I could walk home in five days. England beat the upside down men by 14 kilos or something like that.
• A footballer who looks like Shrek went on holiday, landed and came back again. As he earns a lot of money for missing the goal, he can afford the extra quick return.

All happens when I take a day off doesn't it. Now then, this heaty wave thing. How cool is that, or rather how cool isn't that. We went into town purely for the fact that the sun was once again shining its little head off. Grandad said the scenery in town is much better when the sun shines like this. I'm now a little confused - how can the scenery be better in the sun?? There were still lots of peoples at the Job Shop, mostly the same people who say "Hi Dogg" and "Hi dog" when me and Millie walk past (its nice to be famous). The man was still selling his Big Tissues, the Scottish lady, who may be the granny of Mandy Hurry, stills makes a fuss of us by Spectacle Savers and the people with the smokey sticks are still standing outside their office making pollution. Even the little man who is an inch and a half taller than me was there - he walks as though he has one pocket full of change. How can the scenery be any better?? But wait..........I spy a fellow toddler in a pretty pink dress and ponies tails on her head. She looks licious but I must add, her driving skills are rubbish. She hit the kerb and her mum dropped some shopping. 

There were white girls in black shorts, black girls in white shorts, old men in loose shorts and gay men in tight shorts. A lady wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt came running towards us and it looked like Mickey was waving at us with rings on his fingers. Me and grandad liked that - grandad seemed to like that a lot. I saw a big group of kids from a planet called Italy. They said hello to me and Millie whilst grandad watched Mickey Mouse disappear into the horizon; "Bon journey" and "Have a Verderchi". Thank you, my little Italian counterparts - we did have a journey but I don't know what a Verderchi is I'm afraid. To be honest, I have no desire to know what one is and a lot less intention of having one anyway but I thank you for your kind offer.

We saw a strange fernom..., phernom...., Phennome... Something strange happened when we walked down the street. There were hundreds of thousands (so it seemed) of little old ladies stood at a bus stop. No mens just ladies. As if all the old ladies in town had been told to come into town and catch the same bus and do you know what? Not one of the ladies knew the weather forecast for the day, even the week ahead. They ALL had big coats on, woolly YES WOOLLY hats on and - wait for this - umbrellas!!!!!!!!! Now even a blind man with a blind dog could see and even feel it was not the type of weather for such an attire. No wonder these old people get smaller as they get older. they shrivel up.

There were lots of hardly dressed girls, the type grandad seems to watch a lot (I've seen him out of the corner of my eye) but they all spoke with "Oh my god - yeah - like no" in every sentence. What is that all about? Grandad said they were two sandwiches short of a picnic which is why I expect they were in town - to pick up some more at the bakers house. He said I have to steer clear of them when I'm older but I did already as I drove the buggy to the other side of the path.

We then went around a corner by the church and we arrived in a special place. We were in the Meerkat where they sell lots of lovely fruit and not so lovely plastic hand bags and watches that work backwards once you get home. The people there were fantastic, all sorts of colourful people in even more colourful clothes. Some of them were wearing curtains and some real black people wearing clothes made from deck chairs - reds, greens, yellows. It was brilliant. There was a HUGE black man there who laughed so loud that his whole body shook, small islands in the Specific Ocean get flooded when he chuckles, I then heard another strange language: 

"Paynd of narnas, get yer luvly narnas 'ere" 

It was both strange in the sense that I never understood a word of it yet I did at the same time. 

"Hello darling, wanna look at my plums?" 

Goodness me, the man wanted the lady to grab some of his plums!!! I couldn't believe me earholes (I'm picking up the lingo already!!)! Was this allowed on a typical British street? I'm sure a lot of that goes on some Friday and Saturday nights in town but this was Monday morning!! A lady held out some fruit for him to take.

"Wow, luvly melons daring"

Grandad said yes, her melons were rather nice but I don't think this is for a young impressionable toddler to be hearing. I'm going to write to my MP.

"Paynd of apples and a luvly pear......", "Grapes, grapes glorious grapes, get yer grapes 'arf a nicka". "Come on ladies, gavver raynd and take a look at this......."

Off he went again so I decided it was time to go, I turned the buggy around and drove off dragging grandad along behind me. As we walked through town, some men came up to grandad with those clippyboards and lots of paper. My grandad must be telipaffik because as they got to about 3m (or 10ft in grandad talk), he simply said "No thanks" and I drove past them without any problem at all. 

Right, home time and some luncheon. It was soooooooooooooo hot today, I didn't want anything to eat. I sat nicely in my chair, gratefully received whatever local delicacy that my caring grandparent thrust upon my good-self whilst practising Wheels on the bus, then much to grandad's displeasure, I couldn't eat a thing. I had a little drinky then lobbed my cup across the table with the accuracy of an Exocet missile as it knocked nanny's balls on the floor - well, not actually nanny's balls as that would prove to be rather unfortunate for both nanny and grandad should they find such an appendage on nanny after such a long time together - I mean her wicker balls that she attempts to decorate the table with - I decorated the floor with them!! 

Grandad put me in his swimming pool in the garden but I was having none of that I can tell you. I usually love splishy-splashing but today I'm afraid this little soldier wasn't playing. I got a bit tired then had a snooze just before dinner. When I wakied up, both nanny and mummy were there but I was the grumpiest I'd been for ages. To be honest, it was just a show so they would think that El Tres Amigos aren't always happy, which of course is a fib but grandad says its ok for toy fibs like that. 

Mummy took me home and then grassed me up!!!! I was happily sat there drinking a bottle of milk and all nice and quiet when she took my picture and then sent it to nanny and grandad. I'd been rumbled!!!!!!

Hasta la vista, amigos
Dogg